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Anhedonia and emotional flatness support group; never being happy, never sad


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I am on this forum for a long time, and I am curious whether there are more people with emotional flatness. I am never happy, never sad, I don’t feel love. Don’t feel peace. I can’t enjoy a present someone gives me. I like to listen to music, but emotionally it doesn’t touch me. Holidays make no sense to me, that’s why I like to stay home. I play saxophone, but actually, what is making music without emotions. I don’t want a girlfriend, totally pointless to me too. The only things that I like is nice food and sweets. And I get a nice feeling when I take a shower.

 

I have the feeling I am in an aquarium, all the fun and joy outside and me inside no longer understanding why life is so nice. When I look through the glass I cannot understand what is happening out there.

 

I have this emotional flatness for approximately 20 years (I am 49 now)  it might be because of my medication ( anti- depressivums/ anti-psychotics)  but I remember I had this flatness before I used this medication, after I got a burn-out during my studies at the university. It makes life extremely boring. The meaning of life is lost to me. But I am a fighter, and still hope to find a way out of this… I am almost done with a zopiclone taper… that is the first step..

 

I have the feeling I am living for others, like my father and also for my cat. For friends too, but not for myself.

 

P.s. what I know is that with anhedonia you only lose the positive emotions… let me know if I am wrong

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Hey there Light

 

Yep sure got that. Hate the pointless feeling. I've improved a bit, but still no love or passion for things, I miss the little things. What I wouldn't give to feel music.

 

I've heard anhedonia being triggered by a stressful event. I think thats one of the three causes

Depression, drugs, stress/trauma.

 

Definitely feels like looking through glass.

 

I think the general process depending on the cause is:

Depression - get meds

Trama - get therapy

Drugs - tapper and wait for healing.

Or thats what people generally say.

 

 

I've heard keep doing stuff that you would find enjoyable, Meditate, Practice being social, nature is healing.

I'm not sure what works but its not like I have anything else to do.

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Hey there Light

 

Yep sure got that. Hate the pointless feeling. I've improved a bit, but still no love or passion for things, I miss the little things. What I wouldn't give to feel music.

 

I've heard anhedonia being triggered by a stressful event. I think thats one of the three causes

Depression, drugs, stress/trauma.

 

Definitely feels like looking through glass.

 

I think the general process depending on the cause is:

Depression - get meds

Trama - get therapy

Drugs - tapper and wait for healing.

Or thats what people generally say.

 

 

I've heard keep doing stuff that you would find enjoyable, Meditate, Practice being social, nature is healing.

I'm not sure what works but its not like I have anything else to do.

 

In my life the emotional flatness was caused by a burnout. A lot of stress so to say. Due to my tough architecture study at the university, problems with finding a home. I was constantly on the move. And also partying till late in the night, mostly in the weekends. I remember walking on the street, realizing that my emotions were gone. This was before I got medication (anti-depressivants).

Jerry

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Im not sure how you fix burnout. I think that falls under anhedonia induced trauma?

I heard the help for that is therapy. But who knows.

 

Anhedonia wears me out though. I keep trying to think of things to do or keep myself busy. Lately I've just been laying in bed. I miss being creative.

 

Do you ever have a hard time trying to figure out how others are feeling. I cant seem to read complex emotion as well.

 

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I also have anhedonia and emotional flatness. I'm frustrated a lot because I can't do what I used to be able to do.  I can't even cry because I don't feel too many emotions at all anymore.  I do like to eat sweets, too, and they make me feel better.  One thing that makes me feel better is accomplishing something during the day that I didn't think I'd be able to do. 
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I also have anhedonia and emotional flatness. I'm frustrated a lot because I can't do what I used to be able to do.  I can't even cry because I don't feel too many emotions at all anymore.  I do like to eat sweets, too, and they make me feel better.  One thing that makes me feel better is accomplishing something during the day that I didn't think I'd be able to do.

 

Ha Becksblue,

I fully understand, it is very tough to live without emotions. I tell it to people around me, they can understand it, but they don’t know what it is like to be in this state day in day out. My mother had cancer in her head, and was a year blind before she died, my father and I could also not understand what it was for her to be blind, even though we could close our eyes.

 

And then i am also suffering from withdrawal symptoms from my zopiclone taper. And I also have a hangover every morning and afternoon. Live is a kind of hell.

But I am not giving up… I hope you can also keep on fighting! Hugs Jeroen  :thumbsup:

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I'm glad you are both hanging in there. This is tough no doubt! One day at a time. But I still hold on to hope.

 

I want to feel rewarded from doing things. I want to cry to feel release. I wake up in the morning and I don't know what to do with myself. It is like I am waiting for feelings to hit me to give me a drive.

I should force myself to do more, but chores and bills aside, Im not sure what that is. It feels random.

 

How do you guys give yourself direction in a day? What's worked best for you?

 

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I am feeling that now, no interest in anything, used love planning holidays but as can't even go out for day depresses me reading about travel. initially trying lots hobbies , distractions helped but having had symptoms for 43 months they no longer help anymore. Recently stopped unisom now getting OCD type withdrawal symptoms from that as well. I am wondering if zopiclone caused permanent brain damage, I was fine on it but being forced go CT after 12 years did untold damage. You are so wise to taper however long it takes. Nothing gives me pleasure , only emotion I feel is despair if get meltdown day. Think if I got Windows would ease it, but just baseline anxiety, which just worsens when get wave. I think my house could burn down tomorrow and wouldn't feel anything, any sort emotion sucked out of me. Are you in Holland?
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Hi - feeling negative. Will stay away from the news. I find that doing simple yoga moves I have taken from the internet helps - when done first thing is the morning. My sleep is now at maybe 2-3 hours a night. Feel lucky to get this. My dreams are extremely vivid. Strange dreams that I remember. Not good or bad. Eating quite healthy and drinking a lot of water. Stay strong all. 70 or so days. My thinking is so confused. Oh well.
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Hi - feeling negative. Will stay away from the news. I find that doing simple yoga moves I have taken from the internet helps - when done first thing is the morning. My sleep is now at maybe 2-3 hours a night. Feel lucky to get this. My dreams are extremely vivid. Strange dreams that I remember. Not good or bad. Eating quite healthy and drinking a lot of water. Stay strong all. 70 or so days. My thinking is so confused. Oh well.

 

I also stay away from the news, it has a negative effect om me. If there’s something important, I will hear it from people around me…

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Same here, no news. If it's important. I'll hear about it somehow.

 

Graced, Do you still get the sleepy feeling? I've heard yoga being helpful. Does it help with the negativity?

 

Leann, I understand the despair days. I've told my partner if I could get a window it would give me what I need. I told my brother that if a bomb was headed our way, I wouldn't be too upset about it. We all deserve a window. YOU deserve a window.

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I am feeling that now, no interest in anything, used love planning holidays but as can't even go out for day depresses me reading about travel. initially trying lots hobbies , distractions helped but having had symptoms for 43 months they no longer help anymore. Recently stopped unisom now getting OCD type withdrawal symptoms from that as well. I am wondering if zopiclone caused permanent brain damage, I was fine on it but being forced go CT after 12 years did untold damage. You are so wise to taper however long it takes. Nothing gives me pleasure , only emotion I feel is despair if get meltdown day. Think if I got Windows would ease it, but just baseline anxiety, which just worsens when get wave. I think my house could burn down tomorrow and wouldn't feel anything, any sort emotion sucked out of me. Are you in Holland?

 

Yes I am from Holland, and you? I am coming close to the finish of my zopiclone taper. Most of my days are hard, but I manage. Mostly I get distracted by doing things on my Ipad. And in the evening I watch some tv.

On 3 days in the week I go swimming and once a week I have got a sax lesson. So some days I practice on one of my saxophones. These things don t give me pleasure, but are better than doing nothing; they distract. I also have a cat named Pippie. I really hope I have no brain damage because of using zopiclone. That is why I do a really slow taper. No hurry for me.

 

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I also have anhedonia. I have no feelings except for occasional fear. My mother passed in July and I felt nothing. Not even sadness. This didnt start until withdrawal so Ive only had it for about 11 months but I absolutely hate it. I want the old me back that had fun and felt emotions. I fear he is gone until I heal. Do you do like me and just pretend when your around people?
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Hi Xray, yes I have to pretend, not for my partner or on these forums though, thank god. People here are supportive.

I've heard it is exhausting for a lot of people.

I'm one month ahead of you. I have people pass away and I hate my lack of reactions. I kick myself for it.

But this is a very sticky symptom. I was told don't force yourself to feel. When they come back you will know. Some people feel their emotions come back slowly and others heal almost over night. Neverme I think had it for a long time and then healed in a week.

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I also have anhedonia. I have no feelings except for occasional fear. My mother passed in July and I felt nothing. Not even sadness. This didnt start until withdrawal so Ive only had it for about 11 months but I absolutely hate it. I want the old me back that had fun and felt emotions. I fear he is gone until I heal. Do you do like me and just pretend when your around people?

 

Ha Xray,

I have this for aprx. 20 years now. My mother passed away in july too, two years ago, I remember I cried at cremation ceremony, but that was it. The song on which I cried was;

After that no emotions any more. Yes, I fake a lot too, I actually always fake emotions. That s the only way to go through the days, go through life. I hope God (if he is there) gives me a huge reward when my life is over. He must know I suffer so much. Sooo much. Emotions are the base, the essence of life. Without, life has no real value. Not for me. Hopefully the emotions will return, but after 20 years I have no high expectations. Huggg Jerry

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Lightspacer that is terrible. I cannot imagine how bad it must be to have had no emotions for 20 years. I have only had this for 11 months and I hate it.Out of all of my symptoms though it is probably the least troublesome. I would take this anhedonia over the insomnia anyday. I hope you get your emotions back before God brings you home.
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Lightspacer that is terrible. I cannot imagine how bad it must be to have had no emotions for 20 years. I have only had this for 11 months and I hate it.Out of all of my symptoms though it is probably the least troublesome. I would take this anhedonia over the insomnia anyday. I hope you get your emotions back before God brings you home.

 

Ha Xray, i would take this anhedonia over my daily grogginess which is tough for me too. But I agree, no sleep is much worse.

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Lightspacer that is terrible. I cannot imagine how bad it must be to have had no emotions for 20 years. I have only had this for 11 months and I hate it.Out of all of my symptoms though it is probably the least troublesome. I would take this anhedonia over the insomnia anyday. I hope you get your emotions back before God brings you home.

 

Ha Xray, i would take this anhedonia over my daily grogginess which is tough for me too. But I agree, no sleep is much worse.

I can't feel sleepy. Is this common in anhedonia?

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I don't think lack of sleepiness is a symptom of anhedonia. Youre probably dealing with a symptom of insomnia. I didnt get sleepy for 9.5 months. I can now get sleepy again but still can't sleep very well. As far as I know the only symptom of anhedonia is a lack of emotion.
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Thank you Xray. Lack of sleep being part of anhedonia would make anhedonia twice as worse. I'm glad sleep can clear up on it's own. I'm glad you can sleep again. I never realized how bad insomnia actually was until WD.  I hope it continues to improve for you. Fingers crossed for all of us.
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I hope that the sleep issue clears up for me. I try to stay positive in the real world and only do my complaining here. Its very hard though. I hope that you start feeling better too.
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Ha group,

I had a real tough day today, I am at the end of my zopiclone taper, I think I need a month to finish it, I do my next step tomorrow evening. Without emotions it is even tougher. Can’t find joy in anything I do. Still I try to do things.

Hug Jerry

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Hey Jerry,Im sorry to hear that. I am having that to. My mother died not to long ago and we had her celebration of life today. I felt nothing even though I tried. Ive loved my mother my whole life and I cant even muster up some grief. I hate what these drugs have done to me
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