Reinstated after almost 3 years off

Not entirely sure if it's a complete reinstate. I got the waves and not so ever lasting windows for years. I just don't see me doing this as a waiting game as it messes with my everyday life and i cannot do that, especially this long. The windows never got better for me personally and the waves were always as bad. I changed my diet, i exercised for a little bit, nothing changed from my experience. I have to work, and during all this i job hopped like crazy making me unreliable at times from waves and short of money because of it. At this far out and my recent intake of my old prescription, i feel absolutely normal and every bad symptom i have has completely vanished. I know what it's like now to get off of these and i can always try again the correct way of tapering instead of c/t. I honestly don't feel guilt because finally i can be a normal functioning human being again if i do decide to stay on them. I'm not really sure if this is the right topic but i'm not trying to tell anyone to do what i'm doing. I'm doing this because i simply cannot lose my personality somewhat and be in a mental fog. I'm seeing this as like a diabetic who needs insulin and if this is what it takes to unfortunately be on a medication that cures my anxiety, dr/dr, and minor depression for the rest of my life, i'll just have to do it. My only concern is if i'm on it too long, the tolerance might kick in, but with me being on it for 6 years beforehand and that never happened, that's the least of my worries. I have to take control. It sucks, but there's no other alternatives for me personally. Opinions are welcome as i'm neutral with them!

Do what ever works for you

I had to reinstate 2 times, I couldn't live day to day, no control over anything, ended up in the hospital a few times.

didn't work for many many years at a time. I had underlying anxiety my whole life, or at least I thought I did. After talking to many doctors they told me I have a panic disorder, anxiety disorder, I just thought how could I have any of these if there are no thoughts in my mind when I'm having this panic, I have no stresses in my life.

 

I get it, trust me I get it, 4 or 5 years that I tried to taper off and then the two years after I got off, I've been in depersonalization derealization panic disorder state for the last seven or eight years of my life, but I got off and after two years right about now I don't have a panic disorder I don't have an anxiety disorder I don't wake up with anxiety I don't have anxiety during the day it's all gone and it was hell to get to the point that I got to now so I understand why you decided to do what you did.

 

In the end for me being on a benzos was making things worse, but it took many many years to get to that point,  I was on for 16 years and I think 5 of those years was totally fine but everything backfired on me and the only thing I could do get off of them and it's amazing to me that I actually did it and I actually lived through it

 

I wish you the best of luck whatever path you choose

 

Not entirely sure if it's a complete reinstate. I got the waves and not so ever lasting windows for years. I just don't see me doing this as a waiting game as it messes with my everyday life and i cannot do that, especially this long. The windows never got better for me personally and the waves were always as bad. I changed my diet, i exercised for a little bit, nothing changed from my experience. I have to work, and during all this i job hopped like crazy making me unreliable at times from waves and short of money because of it. At this far out and my recent intake of my old prescription, i feel absolutely normal and every bad symptom i have has completely vanished. I know what it's like now to get off of these and i can always try again the correct way of tapering instead of c/t. I honestly don't feel guilt because finally i can be a normal functioning human being again if i do decide to stay on them. I'm not really sure if this is the right topic but i'm not trying to tell anyone to do what i'm doing. I'm doing this because i simply cannot lose my personality somewhat and be in a mental fog. I'm seeing this as like a diabetic who needs insulin and if this is what it takes to unfortunately be on a medication that cures my anxiety, dr/dr, and minor depression for the rest of my life, i'll just have to do it. My only concern is if i'm on it too long, the tolerance might kick in, but with me being on it for 6 years beforehand and that never happened, that's the least of my worries. I have to take control. It sucks, but there's no other alternatives for me personally. Opinions are welcome as i'm neutral with them!

You can always try again,  you have to do what is best for you,  I understand entirely your decision,  I hope that you feel good about it and if you choose to get off in the future I'm sure you can try again.  <3

Just a quick update on this thread. So I reinstated for about 2 months and I just stopped taking it on September 20th and WOW. Rescue doses I imagine are fine but for me I would not recommend reinstating longer than a week. I felt and still feel things I haven't felt in a long time in a very bad way. For me I think the first shock of feeling this way in w/d surprises all of us, this time around I was prepared and it still hit me like a freight train. It was a bit better but the anxiety was the worst I felt in years once that 24 hour mark of not taking a benzo hit. It's slowly getting better but that brain fog and anxiety as well as insomnia came back full force, especially the first day. I will say things are dissipating rather quickly though and I been trying new things, such as taking Magnesium before bed and it really really helps with sleep as well as with my anxiety. I'm going to also try and take L-Theanine as I never heard a bad story about it during my years on this forum. I lost 3 lbs since the 20th because i've had no appetite but that also is improving. It just shows that I WAS actually healing during the 2 years (almost 3 in December) but it is a very slow process. I will say this time around, with it only being 3 days off, I feel like I skipped a year or year and a half in w/d because I only took it this time around for 2 months. I think managing anxiety is making me feel better this time around.

Thanks for the update. You did what you thought would help, no one would blame you or berate you for that. It seems you have learned that reinstatement doesn't work in most cases. I'm glad things are easing up and you are looking at more benign ways to deal with issues. You show strength and determination, I wish you all the best.

 

pianogirl 

I understand what your saying.  I had thought about just staying on a very low dose the rest of my life just so I could get my life back. 

 

 

 

 

I understand what your saying.  I had thought about just staying on a very low dose the rest of my life just so I could get my life back.

I would agree with this, but tolerance is a very real thing and it even hit me with reinstating at a very low dose for only a whopping 2 months. Now I know why they say it's supposed to be a 2 week max treatment drug.

I understand. I was reinstated at .5 mg a year ago and I could have used 10 mg to stabilize.  It was horrible.

I made this mistake. Almost killed me. But some negative reinforcement is good for some people. Withdrawl was way less severe the second time. The second time was cake walk compared to coming off after 10 years.