[ml...] Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I have been on benzos now for the last 3 years. first was xanax for roughly 4 months, I quit that C/T went through hell for a week. I then reinstated it. And did a slow taper for the next 4 months. It was hell. I then at the end was on just a tiny piece of the xanax I added in valium. I added a small dose of valium 1 mg to help me jump off the xanax. I then went through about a month of hell off and on and gradually felt like I got better. I got up to close to 2mg of valium but slowly tapered off of that down to .5mg. It was easy to get down to that but I was terrified to quit. Stupid mistake. Here I am 1 and a half years later and I am now taking 2.5mg of valium. I started to have severe vertigo problems back in december. I am also taking wellbutrin. We changed my dose of wellbutrin to a more even lower dose and my vertigo got better. We attributed it to the wellbutrin however I am now thinking it was the begining of tolerance on the valium. I think that the process of the valium was changed and it affected the blood levels when I changed the wellbutrin. Here is why. I am currently going through hell. I was doing great a month ago. My life was never better. I am having a baby and I have a good job a fun little music hobby and the doctor said I dont think you need the wellbutrin lets get you off of that stuff. I agreed and was excited to quit that stuff. I cut my dose in half of the wellbutrin and my life has changed. I feel very similiar to when I quit the xanax. I feel the following: vertigo strange feelings of trapped in my body strange feelings of the world just not looking right or feeling right Increase in anxiety-tremors, fear, close to panic a feeling of strong depression where things just seem doom and gloom, its almost like I cant take it and want to die but I dont, its really tough on me weird sleep, I feel like I am having trouble sleeping well, weird sleep times, feeling like I am dying as I try to sleep, weird thoughts almost like flashes of hurtful mental images that scare me, like your worst fears flash in front of you feeling out of control like I am going to go crazy loss of libido hypochondria sensitivity to light memory and concentration problems These feelings come and go. I have great great moments, and then I get a moment where I just sink and I cant escape my whole outlook changes and I become terrified. I have a hard time being strong and seeing past this, its almost like my mentality believes it and I change as a person. I had a few moments where I felt strong feelings like I couldnt talk, confused. The fear almost paralyzes me. I am on a tiny dose of wellbutrin. 37.5mg down from 75mg daily. I am on a tiny dose of valium 2.5 mg daily. I was at 2mg daily until about 2 weeks ago. What do I do? The doctors say its anxiety, maybe you need to be on an antidepressant. Throughout this whole trip I have self medicated myself with a few beers a night. It has been my only escape. I have been doing this for the last year and a half. Just self medicating myself. I never was a drinker, really dont like the feeling of drinking, but I feel like I am given no choice. I sip it and do it slowly as I really just use it to relieve the symptoms I dont want to feel a buzz. I am tired of this, and my family needs me. I feel agoraphobic, I feel like I cant work, I feel disabled. I have a baby that is coming in a few months and I am a disaster. I fear the delivery, I need to be strong and supportive and help through the delivery but I feel like I will be the one needing medical attention more than mommy I dont know how I got into this mess and I don't see how to get myself out. I see most of you all do a slow taper and use valium, well I am already on valium and in tolerance and at a low dose. I cannot imagine what it will be like if I cut down. I want to quit drinking but cant because I fear not having it right now and I also worry that I have done it for too long now to just quit that even c/t even though its only 2. I also would love to quit the wellbutrin as I think it has increased my anxiety rather than ever help. I was diagnosed with anxiety and I just feel like I could cope with those issues, these are too much. What can I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I've locked this topic. Please reply to the duplicate topic here: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/general-withdrawal-support/i-am-in-trouble-t6095/0/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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