I desperately need someone to help, advise and guide me, please

My PM abilities have been restricted so can someone please respond to me here and continue until I am comfortable, understand and am in the right track?

 

Back story:

Was on Clonazepam for a decade. First PRN then up to 3 mg/day for about a year along with other medications but none for very long. Never tapered just off, on, off blah blah blah. No history of mental illness but was rendered stupid and vulnerable the 1st month on medication. Whatever…

 

December 2020 abruptly stopped 3 a/d’s not knowing better. May 2021 on 3 mg Clonazepam & 2 Trazadone and on in w/d from a/d discontinuation but not knowing it. Admitted self to hospital for 2 weeks-they cut off 3 mg Clonazepam and gave Depakote, Cymbalta and Gabatentin. Good to go. for 6 weeks. All hell broke loose, detoxed at home for 6 weeks. Brutal. Biblical.

 

Had a TERROR attack-basically looked Satan in the eye…

 

Gabapentin, Zoloft, Lamictal: 4 weeks. Hell. HELL! Detoxed.

 

December 2021: reinstated Clonazepam, still not knowing anything but thought: Fine, will stay on for LIFE! Horrible pdoc: Clon 1 week, Ativan next, Hydroxyzine next..fired in Feb. New pdoc had me up to 2.5/3 mg Clon and I was like: ummmmm, no. Too much! Was screamed at to do as she said or she would drop me.

 

April 2022 started tapering on own-knowing nothing. July cut down to maybe .06, .08… October 1 jumped.

 

Biblical suffering but mind intact somehow. By December 2022 had reached limit of suffering, received 3 medical consults and decided to reinstate at .06 twice/day to stabilize and go on an a/d. Also have severe dental emergency.

Every medication was a nightmare. Trintellix, Librium, Lyrica, Celexa, NAD sup, Buspar etc…

 

Stopped Clon and symptoms got worse or it was z wave (only took for 7 weeks and 4 out of those were .06/day). Biblical-AGAIN. Prayed for death, thrashed-everything.

 

Now. My dental situation is not a 1 off. My chemical anxiety, breathing issues, toxic mornings let’s just say I barely hold on every day until am back in bed, horizontal at 4 p.m. By 11 p.m. I finally feel okay but…..

 

So. No other medication has helped, my dental situation-long term as in a couple of months-can no longer be ignored. It can’t. Do, what are my options?

 

Clonazapam hates me. Ativan kind of okay. Maybe Clon will give me another chance? Either way if I reinstate either z as t z low dose znd taper, a year? 8 months? Can I do do and NOT experience w/d again? And how would I taper it exactly?

 

My pdoc is benzo wise and supports whatever I decide to do but with my present benzo brain, severe chemical anxiety, PTSD from previous w/d’s I cannot make this decision without advice, guidance from those who have been through this too.

 

Please provide as one constructive guidance, advice, help!

THANK YOU 🙏

 

 

If your PDoc is Benzo wise, what does she suggest first?  I know some others will soon chime in as I am very new at this and never faced what you are facing.  The only thing I truly believe from my own little bit of experience is that it is crucial for me to do the slowest, taper possible.  What exactly are you on now, and how much, that could help others that will come to help.

 

Meanwhile browse the site and all the many posts that may help you as well.  This is one of my fave reads to help me understand my benzo brain, hope it might help you too Denise PS So sorry I couldn't help you more but stick around, lots of experience weaning benzos on the forum

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=232042.msg2977793#msg2977793

Hello Mary, I have no experience but perhaps you could do a genetic test to see if something would work for you?

Thank you. I am going into month 9 from jumping after a rapid taper October 1. So…wait another month? And if that doesn’t work and recovery has not occurred my vile dental situation will still be there. My greatest concern is kindling. Well, that has already occurred, so, experiencing the biblical suffering AGAIN? I honestly don’t believe I would make it…this is a nightmare of epic proportions.

If it wasn’t for the dental situation (I have to wear a face mask) I could definitely manage much better at this point. But I no longer w  as t to go into public wearing a face mask so I find myself isolating even more which just adds injury to insult. 😢

Than you-I did a genetic test and Buspar was approved even though I have a history of hating it. Woke up with extreme nausea and a debilitating migraine. Cymbalta was also approved but that is legendarily impossible to discontinue…nightmare. Just hideous no-way-out-nightmare…

Thank you. I am going into month 9 from jumping after a rapid taper October 1. So…wait another month? And if that doesn’t work and recovery has not occurred my vile dental situation will still be there. My greatest concern is kindling. Well, that has already occurred, so, experiencing the biblical suffering AGAIN? I honestly don’t believe I would make it…this is a nightmare of epic proportions.

If it wasn’t for the dental situation (I have to wear a face mask) I could definitely manage much better at this point. But I no longer w  as t to go into public wearing a face mask so I find myself isolating even more which just adds injury to insult. 😢

  I know that holding is an option, and I was told holding until I feel more stable was best for me.  I can't advise you, you have to decide.  Also, I would try not to future-trip about anything right now, just one day at a time.  You are doing very well thinking your way through your messages.  I know for me, I can panic so easy, high anxiety, sleeplessness with race-brain.  Easy does it, you have some connections/friends here already, stick with us.  One thing at a time and try to do anything and everything to get your mind to relax. 

 

You are in the right place as I have only been here 2 months, maybe a little more, since I got serious about ending my 35 years of clonazepam script.  I already learned Cold Turkey is horrific, I'm lucky I got back on the C within about 3 or 4 days.  Then an MD started decided my tapers, way too big, so he doesn't get to do that again.  I had the whole left side of my body go numb 2 Summers ago.  For me, a slow taper is my only chance with holding until I'm stable, and even updosing if need be although I just go back to previous cut dose, and don't overdo that.  I've done an updose twice, very small, and it worked the tiniest bit, you'll be ok, just stick with us. Denise 

 

PS I am also glad you have done your homework, and kept track of things that are bad for you.  I am sensitive and intolerant to other drugs, and simply will not take them.  My MD has fits because I am very set in my ways about ever falling into the hands of another addictive drug.