Valium for 29 years

I was given Valium for the first time in 1994. I took it for the last time in March, 2022. I went to a detox/mental health facility which was barbaric, but went to a better place for the next two months. It’s been over 10 months, and I’m still cycling through different withdrawal symptoms. I’m glad I’m off of valium, but I severely regret not doing a slow taper. I’m really happy I found Benzo Buddies.

Hello tiredofbeingtired, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Congratulations on being benzo free but it sounds like you went through some pain to get here.  I wish benzo freedom meant free from the pain but it takes so long to recover from this nightmare many are discouraged when they’re still suffering months and years later.

 

I’d be interested in hearing about the second place you visited but your experience in detox mirrors many others who have tried it.

 

I’ll provide some links to help you get started but please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster

 

Ashton Manual symptom list

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

So sorry you went through this. Welcome to the forum. I relate. Although I was not on a benzo as long as you, I did a "medical detox" to get off of Ativan. 4.5 months later I am still suffering from dozens of symptoms. Not sure if you are in the US but these places should not be legally able to rip people off benzos like they do. Then again, some people do a slow taper and it takes them years to recover so there is no rhyme or reason to any of this. Really. There doesn't seem to be a safe way to get off a benzodiazepine. From what you wrote it sounds like all of your symptoms aren't consistent. Is that accurate?

You are so right, Rebecca.

You are so right, Rebecca.

 

Hi Widesky, Nice to meet you. I wish it were under other circumstances. A slow taper is an emotional feat, to say the least, not to mention a physical undertaking if someone chooses not to use any other medications, which can cause other unknown or unexpected risks/harm. It is six of one and half dozen of another. Stop in a short time, suffer, do an extended taper, and potentially suffer differently.

 

Some people walk away from benzos unscathed. They are the lucky ones. It seems not to matter how long someone took a benzo, how much they took, which benzo -- I used to think those that take little or take a benzo for a short time or Valium are not as affected. After reading so many stories on this site, I realize how incorrect I was to believe this.

I did a 10 day Valium taper in a medical detox and thought I’d be fine in a few weeks time. Here I am almost 8 months later still struggling daily..  A lot of these facilities know how difficult it is to get people off of benzos, but if they told you that during your intake would you still go through with it?? Their model is get anyone in ASAP and fuel the business.. it’s a shame.. But at the same time you’re right, people sometimes struggle immensely with a long taper. Personally I’m glad to have got that poison out of me, idk if I could handle the discipline to stick with a taper..

 

It's a catch-22. The solution is that doctors are LEGALLY required to give patients informed consent and have deep conversations about the potential side effects of these medications. Like spelled out. When I am 100 percent better, which I will be, I will fight for this. And also that they take more than two classes in medical school on benzos.

 

The inhumane suffering I have experienced, along with story after story online and then all the stories from people in my life who know others that benzos have harmed, are just too much. Some people will fight for their benzos. If you go on IG and check out Maria Shriver's post about "Take Your Pills: Xanax" and all the heat she got from happy benzo users, you will see what I mean. She got roasted, and her doc wasn't even like Lisa Ling's CNN doc. Benzos harmed Ling's elderly father. So she knew the dangers/potential harm from personal experience. Shriver and her daughter, from what I understand, do not have direct experience with benzos. (They both produced the show.)

 

In some circumstances, like emergencies, benzos could be lifesaving. I get that. But they are also wildcards. Unless someone experiences tolerance withdrawal, they would not know they are swallowing a potential ticking time bomb. Even if things seem to be going well on the medication, for years, they could end up with other health issues that they never connect to the benzo, like having to get a hip replacement. That is just one example.

Hi everybody,

 

You're totally right, Rebecca. My symptoms have been wildly erratic since I got off of Valium. I feel like they go through phases. It started with high blood pressure and feeling extremely unsteady. Then there were the blobs of light affecting my vision. Next it was tinnitus, then feeling like my feet were shrinking into themselves, the list goes on and on. Now I've been experiencing tremors for the last three months which I find really unsettling. My wife asks me if I feel like it's getting better, and I always tell her the same thing: It's just a different type of discomfort. Part of me is still in disbelief that these terrible feelings are happening almost 11 months after I took my last Valium.

 

But here's the good news: I'm able to hold a job outside of my house for the first time in five years. I'm driving after being too scared to for two years. I've been able to drop off and pick up my children from school without any issue. Most importantly, I'm able to be present in the lives of my family, which I previously abandoned by taking Valium and sleeping all day to "deal" with my anxiety.

 

I think that the detox I went to first had little to no experience with patients who were on Valium for as long as I was and at such a high dose. They just kept insisting that I was having an allergic reaction to a new medication I was on. They put me on several courses of prednisone which did not alleviate the symptoms I was experiencing at the time.

 

My main hope is that these symptoms of withdrawal abate so I can tell my family (and myself) that I'm feeling better.

 

 

It's hard not blaming myself or thinking I'm doing something wrong because I'm not one of those people who can just walk off benzos.  I know that is untrue, but nonetheless real.  It is an intrusive thought.

Hi everybody,

 

You're totally right, Rebecca. My symptoms have been wildly erratic since I got off of Valium. I feel like they go through phases. It started with high blood pressure and feeling extremely unsteady. Then there were the blobs of light affecting my vision. Next it was tinnitus, then feeling like my feet were shrinking into themselves, the list goes on and on. Now I've been experiencing tremors for the last three months which I find really unsettling. My wife asks me if I feel like it's getting better, and I always tell her the same thing: It's just a different type of discomfort. Part of me is still in disbelief that these terrible feelings are happening almost 11 months after I took my last Valium.

 

But here's the good news: I'm able to hold a job outside of my house for the first time in five years. I'm driving after being too scared to for two years. I've been able to drop off and pick up my children from school without any issue. Most importantly, I'm able to be present in the lives of my family, which I previously abandoned by taking Valium and sleeping all day to "deal" with my anxiety.

 

I think that the detox I went to first had little to no experience with patients who were on Valium for as long as I was and at such a high dose. They just kept insisting that I was having an allergic reaction to a new medication I was on. They put me on several courses of prednisone which did not alleviate the symptoms I was experiencing at the time.

 

My main hope is that these symptoms of withdrawal abate so I can tell my family (and myself) that I'm feeling better.

 

It sounds like you are doing really well and headed toward 100 percent healing soon. Working, driving, and being able to spend quality time with your family.

Yeah, I'm definitely doing much better than when I was on Valium. The PAWS is still rough though. The current phase I'm in (for the past 3 months or so) is all about internal tremors. I find them really disquieting, especially since my main panic disorder trigger is when I feel something unusual happening in my body. I find that the technique of radical acceptance is helpful, and I'm armed with the knowledge that I've gone to the ER twice recently and have seen a few specialists who've all told me that my brain, heart, and lungs are all functioning normally. I just wish my mind would get the memo so I can experience some peace.

 

I am proud of how far I've come though. In the past if I was feeling something "weird" I would go back to my bedroom, take some Valium, and stay in bed until I felt less bad. So far this school year I've successfully dropped off and picked up my daughters every single day without incident. That was the worst part, having my wife and kids see me in a state of panic. It scared them. It scared me. I've come to terms with the fact that I will have panic attacks in the future and that I can handle them without the use of benzos.

Or maybe they will go away. You never know. I have read some miraculous stories of healing anxiety on this forum post benzos. Let's hold for the best, OK??

 

PLEASE keep posting your success. For those behind you on the recovery timeline, it keeps us going.

 

 

Thanks, I hope that’s the case as well. I will keep the group posted.