Please help give me hope. Covid

[[Buddie]]

Hello, I was in acute withdrawal since November 14th after a long taper, but I cold turkeyed 15 months before that, and my acute after my taper felt pretty similar to my cold turkey.  I was just starting to feel things were slightly more tolerable in month two, but I got covid on January 1st.  I felt like I had the normal symptoms of being sick on top of my usual withdrawal symptoms. But when the virus' flu-like symptoms went away, I started getting much worse than ever.  It has been two weeks and I still feel way worse.  I don't know whether this is a benzo setback, or long covid.  I know long covid is usually diagnosed after a month or three months, but I am terrified of it being the long covid that people talk about.  I see people on here set back a year from this, but all I want is to just feel able to tolerate the days a little, I don't even need full healing.

This is one of my biggest concerns—If I DO have long covid, and it does completely debilitate me for a year, then how could I ever live peacefully again knowing that a virus is out there this is completely unavoidable, that can cause something worse than acute withdrawal, and that could be caught repeatedly every year?  So I could get long covid, take a year to be able to even function at all, feel fine for 3 months, get covid again for a year, feel fine for a few months, get covid again for a year . . . How could that not go on for the rest of my life, since the virus is always there and changing?  What is the point of living if you can be repeatedly almost guaranteed to be thrown into this again?

It's basically like saying "Hey, just so you know, they have mosquitoes everywhere that carry doses of benzos now" right after spending a bunch of time trying to get away from them.  So every time you get bitten by a mosquito, you become debilitated and completely can't function . . . It seems similar to that.

Can somebody please help me to have a different perspective about this?  I have no idea how to reconcile with that.  I have seen people far more healed than I am feel worse than acute from long covid too.  Have any of you caught covid, had a terrible/terrifying setback, and had it only last a few weeks or a month?  I can't imagine this not lasting a long time.

The weight on my shoulders is this: "If you heal from this setback in a month, the worst will be over, and EVEN IF you get this in the future, it will be okay, because this was only a month" vs. "If you take a year to heal from this, you are somebody who can get long covid, and if you can, it is unavoidable, and you will get reinfected for the rest of your life, or at least several years, and every time you are about to be feeling really great, you will get this virus again."

To be living between those two options is absolutely terrifying.  Please help give me hope.  I feel on one hand like I am being given a death sentence, but worse.  Because it is living death.  On the other hand, I could be doing as well as I was in a few weeks and think "Oh . . . Yeah, covid won't ruin my life completely in the future. That only lasted a month."

Thank you for anybody who decides to read this.  I know it's a long message . . .

[[Buddie]]

Anybody?

[[Buddie]]

I got Covid at Christmas and still not feeling well from that plus many symptoms that had almost resolved or gotten better have returned with a vengeance. I wouldn’t say it is as bad as acute, because that was complete torturous hell, but definitely a step back and what I would call a horrible wave, maybe even a setback if it continues. I too fear long Covid, but the way I see it, it is what it is and all I can do is cope.

I was able to avoid Covid for three years and will continue to do so as much as I can. It just seems inevitable that we are going to get it repeatedly and it doesn’t seem like there is much we can do about that except live with the consequences. Yes, this sucks and is unfortunate but again, it is what it is at this point.

I think we are still early on in this Covid journey and maybe we will be presently surprised with how soon we go back to our previous baselines. Your fears aren’t invalid or irrational, but they are just fears since we don’t know what the future will bring.

That is the only way I know how to cope at this point. Just keep on keeping on. Hugs and virtual wishes for peace and healing. ☮️

[[Buddie]]

I got Omicron a year ago (Jan 18 2022) and, alas, the rotten s/x are still with me -- fatigue, dizziness, some cognitive issues . . . manly left-brain things like doing math in my head. Also my memory sucks.  BUT I am living my life as best I can (writer and publisher). Will long Covid fade? Who knows? But it is what it is and I have to live with it. btw I still caught Covid after 4 vaccinations and boosters and wearing a mask in crowded situations. My advice -- don't obsess about this. Take all the precautions you can. Be sensible. And if you get it, you get it.

Fortunately I've been "healed" from benzos for awhile and was  feeling okay. I had a rotten taper, so getting rotten long Covid s/x seems like a nasty unfair freaking joke from the universe. But s**t happens, doesn't it?

Hope this helps,

 

[...]

[[Buddie]]

The only problem is that I can't even live life or anything at all.  :/ I am stuck in a house all day and can't be around people because I feel so bad, can't feel interested in anything, and have been bed bound a lot more often after getting covid.  I am only living to heal, but my life can't be enjoyable like this, as it has been worse than acute.  It is hard to see how I can go on to live a life where I will be repeatedly infected if I become THIS debilitated. I understand maybe a normal long covid situation where life is still manageable, but I am having many many moments of difficulty even getting through two minutes at a time, so a year of torture sounds terrible.   Is there a point for you where it started being more tolerable?  Can you give me any kind of timeline of how yours went? I know we're different, but I'm trying to here this from as many people as I can.  :/ Thank you very much.  If it is just super temporary and I go back to my baseline, then I might be able to be less afraid, but this is so up and down I can't even tell what's ever going to happen at all.

[[Buddie]]

[...], I have been out of commission from this completely.  I already was, but now it is to the point where I even miss how I was just doing in acute and I feel all kinds of new symptoms, and I don't know when they will stop either.  Did covid make you that bad too?  Where even minutes are hard to survive and you feel tormented and completely hopeless?  I would say I could accept that I will repeatedly get covid, but doesn't that mean I have to accept a life where I can't live at all, since getting it put me out of commission?

[[Buddie]]

I’ve lived that way for three years already anyway, so it’s just more of the same for me, just worse for the time being and more unknowing if it will ever get better. It must be hard to have gotten much better and now a setback due to a virus. This feels like a test in how much suffering a human can withstand sometimes.

[[Buddie]]

[...], I wasn't too much better, I was still housebound except walks around the neighborhood, but I was starting to be able to cook from recipes more, fixing a few things, buying clothes again.  Now I am having trouble almost every moment, except at night I often have a pretty noticeable change.  I am switching through a lot of new weird symptoms.  How out of commission are you?  Have you improved at all since getting covid?  How much are you able to do/are you able to go places/do things/work?

[[Buddie]]

[...], also, sorry, but are you a man or a woman?  I have seen that women are much more likely to get long covid, and I've noticed that most I've seen post on here about it are women. So I hope that could maybe mean something positive for me, being a man.

[[Buddie]]

[...], I have been out of commission from this completely.  I already was, but now it is to the point where I even miss how I was just doing in acute and I feel all kinds of new symptoms, and I don't know when they will stop either.  Did covid make you that bad too?  Where even minutes are hard to survive and you feel tormented and completely hopeless?  I would say I could accept that I will repeatedly get covid, but doesn't that mean I have to accept a life where I can't live at all, since getting it put me out of commission?

Actually, during the Covid sickness all of my benzo stuff went away for like 3 days, then after that benzo wd hit me like a ton of bricks. I still have cough and congestion plus bonus wd. It’s a challenge to not become completely nihilistic but I just do everything I can to try to distract myself and hope for the best.