Jump to content

Worst week ever - getting scared


[so...]

Recommended Posts

Hello

 

So after tapering 3 months ago with some sleepless nights i slept so good. 8 hours.

 

Since last week for 8 days now i have a really bad sleep and getting scared about the consequences and if i will ever sleep again. The feeling of falling asleep is gone. And instead when falling a sleep a strange and frightening feeling came instead. Like a buzz in my stomach.

 

Also the feeling of sleepiness is totally gone at night. I just wait patiently but no sleep. And definitely no micro sleeps. I’m sure of that.

 

Mo - Zero hours

Tu - Zero hours

 

Wed - 8+ hours

 

Thu - 1,5 hour from 03:00 till 04:30

Fri - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Sat - Zero hours

Sun - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Mon - Zero hours

 

I just can not fall asleep and am wide awake and when getting sleepy a weird like adrenalin pulse comes and i’m wide awake and scared what is hapening.

 

Sometimes i can fall asleep in the morning but that is a real struggle but that is the only time i feel a bit sleepy.

 

Does anybody recognize this. I am so scared that i will just collapse or get some kind of psychotic atack. Also that my mind can overrule my sleep that i need is really scary.

 

The most scary part is that i have the feeling i was quite relaxed about this since i had some other episodes. But this one just not changes. And since today i am getting scared. I used to fall asleep really quickly but that is totally gone now. Even if i’m tired at the beginning of the evening when going to sleep i will get sleepy but then this burst comes and it is all over again.

 

Sometimes i think it is all in my head. But this episode is so extreme if it is something physical between my ears sleep would take over. And that is not hapening.

 

And taking new benzo’s is not a option. I worked so hard to come here.

 

Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi sonic1974

 

Im don’t think I have any good answer for you, but I just want to remind you that fear is a withdrawal symptom in itself, so whereas the fear seems to be around whether you’re ever going to sleep again, maybe you should look at the fear in and of itself, and separate it from the sleeplessness. Does this make sense? If you’re fearful of never sleeping again, try and remember that the fear is just a symptom and that it will pass in time, just as the sleeplessness will. See them as two different symptoms, even though one seems to be present because it’s focussing on the other, and vice-versa. It’s just in a wave of those particular symptoms.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can only say that it will end, and things WILL get better in time. It is not going to be a fun ride, but you will make it to the other side.  Also, I was equally certain that I was not getting microsleeps, but a medical sleep study and my wife who reported snoring that I did not hear said otherwise.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You probably know this but the fear of not sleeping will keep you awake because you are hyper focussed on sleeping and it causes anxiety. The best thing to do is to just accept that you might not sleep at all for a while. Give into the fear, don't fight it. That way you don't feed the anxiety. It will get better. Your brain has shown it knows how to sleep for 8hrs. You just need to push through this wave.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all. So yesterday i could really set aside my fear and slept a total of 8 hours. So glad! But tonight i was awake again for the whole night again.

 

And i really had a good mindset and was relaxed.

 

Could it be it is all between my ears or is there also some kind of biological thing going on. I had 3 good months after tapering. Could it be that this still is benzo withdrawal. Can your mind/fear be so strong it keeps you awake for 1.5 week now except 2 really good nights.

 

It is mostly the fear what the lack of sleep will do to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's definitely withdrawal but anxiety makes it worse. The fear creates anxiety and panic when you're supposed to sleep. What if I don't sleep tonight? What if this continues for months? What if I can't stop it? What if I lose my job? Etc. If your brain can't switch off and you keep worrying about insomnia you can't sleep.

 

Your brain knows what it needs to survive. Survival is our first and most basic instinct. Your brain won't kill itself. So it will sleep when it needs to. There might be some very tough weeks but eventually your brain will level out.

 

Have you seen this post http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=235100.0

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So since wednesday that i slept 8 hours i did sleep like 1-2 hours the next days. The thing i am most scared of is that i will become psychotic.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[a9...]

Hi,

 

when and how did you switch from 10mg. Lorazepam (~20mg. Diazepam) to 5mg. Diazepam? Did you do a crossover?

 

Naf1983

 

Hello

 

So after tapering 3 months ago with some sleepless nights i slept so good. 8 hours.

 

Since last week for 8 days now i have a really bad sleep and getting scared about the consequences and if i will ever sleep again. The feeling of falling asleep is gone. And instead when falling a sleep a strange and frightening feeling came instead. Like a buzz in my stomach.

 

Also the feeling of sleepiness is totally gone at night. I just wait patiently but no sleep. And definitely no micro sleeps. I’m sure of that.

 

Mo - Zero hours

Tu - Zero hours

 

Wed - 8+ hours

 

Thu - 1,5 hour from 03:00 till 04:30

Fri - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Sat - Zero hours

Sun - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Mon - Zero hours

 

I just can not fall asleep and am wide awake and when getting sleepy a weird like adrenalin pulse comes and i’m wide awake and scared what is hapening.

 

Sometimes i can fall asleep in the morning but that is a real struggle but that is the only time i feel a bit sleepy.

 

Does anybody recognize this. I am so scared that i will just collapse or get some kind of psychotic atack. Also that my mind can overrule my sleep that i need is really scary.

 

The most scary part is that i have the feeling i was quite relaxed about this since i had some other episodes. But this one just not changes. And since today i am getting scared. I used to fall asleep really quickly but that is totally gone now. Even if i’m tired at the beginning of the evening when going to sleep i will get sleepy but then this burst comes and it is all over again.

 

Sometimes i think it is all in my head. But this episode is so extreme if it is something physical between my ears sleep would take over. And that is not hapening.

 

And taking new benzo’s is not a option. I worked so hard to come here.

 

Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So since wednesday that i slept 8 hours i did sleep like 1-2 hours the next days. The thing i am most scared of is that i will become psychotic.

 

Hi Sonic

 

I remember Professor Ashton saying that it is much more common to experience a fear of psychosis than it is to actually experience psychosis itself.

 

Your fear in normal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So for the last three days i could really sleep wel. 5 to 6 hours. This night zero again.

 

The things i changed: i took 6 mg of melatonine that gave me a sleepy feeling. And i could really ignore the thought that i had to sleep.

 

But this night none of that helped :-(

 

Really afraid that a period of multiple nights of zero sleep will hit me again. And i know that fear is the one thing that will keep me awake.

 

What a struggle!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

During the first five months of my w/d, sleep was a thing of the past. Every once in a while, I’d get 3-4 hours a night, but that was rare. I would usually have a period of about 20-30 minutes where I would be so exhausted that I would pass out and then wake up with the worst chemical anxiety imaginable and that began to make me even more paranoid to fall asleep.

 

I started taking some pills with all natural stuff — Ashwagandha, GABA, L-Theanine and Lemon Balm. I don’t know if any of these are an option for you, but they worked much better for me than Melatonin. I know that some people swear by Hydroxyzine and I’m not certain if you’ve tried that either, but I tried it once and it definitely made me tired. I was also suffering with really bad air hunger during my withdrawals and Hydroxyzine made me feel like my breathing was suppressed, which made the anxiety worse for me. That was the only reason it didn’t work for me.

 

Have you tried taking a warm bath/shower, maybe using some essential oils like lavender, having a cup of decaf nighttime tea? Just a few options, of course!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So for the last three days i could really sleep wel. 5 to 6 hours. This night zero again.

 

The things i changed: i took 6 mg of melatonine that gave me a sleepy feeling. And i could really ignore the thought that i had to sleep.

 

But this night none of that helped :-(

 

Really afraid that a period of multiple nights of zero sleep will hit me again. And i know that fear is the one thing that will keep me awake.

 

What a struggle!

 

I had the same issue with the melatonin. It only worked the first night for me, and maybe helped a little the second night, but after that, I just abandoned it as it seemed pointless taking it. It may work better if used sparingly… after a string of poor nights of sleep. I hear many people say that no matter what sleep aids they use, they only ever work for a night or two, and then nothing. I’m sorry I don’t have any surefire advice to help you, but I know jelly baby would tell you to do your best to accept that you may not sleep, and then you won’t panic or get as frustrated which only pushes sleep further away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know what you mean by a zap of fear keeping you up. i started a thread about that. If you stay awake and get no sleep it usually happens that night, i fall asleep 10 times and immed get a blast of fear that wakes me up the instant i do. Its so frustrating it drives me insane. I have my own theory as to why thats happening, but what helped me to get over that was the old CBTi method. Sleep restriction. It almost sounds like your clocks all screwed up and you need to reset it. Look into sleep restriction. It works for me, maybe not for everyone. Basically go to sleep at 12:30am and get up at 7am (give yourself 6.5hrs in bed) you only get into bed when your ready to sleep and get out after 30 minutes if your not. I did it and i started sleeping 6 hours every night after about a week of doing that. But it exhausts you until it kicks in. If your not getting good sleep anyways mine as well try it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And another sleepless night again. After 3 goog nights. Two zero nights again. What helped in the weekend is not to worry about sleep. But if sleep will just not come that is so hard.

 

Are there other people that had so much zero nights after each other.

 

I could call the doctor but what can he do. I am not taking any pills any more. Or could it be something else. I don’t have any sleepy feeling at all at night. And sleep just won’t come. But i know sleep is there because of the days before this streak.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How did you accept that and not being pulled in anxiety. If i am not sleeping for 2 days i will get scared and that reflects on my sleep. I am also scared that of i won’t sleep tonight i will panic.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The truth is that I wasn’t able to NOT panic. I panicked that I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I I kept dwelling on it all the time. I had to wait for it to pass. Your body will eventually fall asleep from pure exhaustion.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

04:30 looks like another sleepless night again. I was so tired at 11 and had to close my eyes. One hour later fully awake again for the night.

 

Have to go to work in 3 hours. How can i go on like this. Tomorrow i have meeting with my doctor. But what can he do. Itnis all between my ears is what he’s going to say.

 

This really is turning in to one big nightmare.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

I am in the process of tapering off of Ativan for the third time.  I know exactly where you are coming from.    I am now experiencing insomnia.  And when I cannot sleep it feels like I drank 3 cups of coffee I am so alert and not sleepy at all.  Once I am off of this horrible drug for good I will be experiencing exactly the same as you.  I know exactly how you are feeling.  I bought a book recently about sleep.  The author was an insomniac for years.  She stresses in the book it is important to be positive and do not tell yourself you can't sleep.  Stay as calm and relaxed as possible.  Try not to worry about it.  I wish you all the best. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did a lot of you experience multiple zero nights after each other. I am on my 3rd night of zero sleep now. If people experience this as well maybe than i can think a bit easier about it. Because i still think it is mostly anxiety that keeps me awake.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes. Night after night after night. I can’t even begin to count how many nights in a row I didn’t sleep. I was so scared that if I didn’t sleep, I would die, but I didn’t and neither will you. I hope it gets better soon.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So i have been sleeping a bit better. But it is really a mess. Waking up every hour. Some short blank spots where i did not know i had some sleep. And falling a sleep takes hours. Melatonine is giving me that sleepy feeling that i miss when not taking melatonine. Some times sleeping for max 2 hours and then awake the rest of the night.

 

Well at least i am sleeping a bit but can not wait to have a normal sleep rythm again. It is really of the chart this last month. And really weird because i had 3 months of the best sleep ever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So i have been sleeping a bit better. But it is really a mess. Waking up every hour. Some short blank spots where i did not know i had some sleep. And falling a sleep takes hours. Melatonine is giving me that sleepy feeling that i miss when not taking melatonine. Some times sleeping for max 2 hours and then awake the rest of the night.

 

Well at least i am sleeping a bit but can not wait to have a normal sleep rythm again. It is really of the chart this last month. And really weird because i had 3 months of the best sleep ever.

 

its just the benzos, if your tapering or just came off....i did this whole thing 10 years ago and thought id never sleep good again....but i did. Slept awesome last 10 years no issues once i was off the benzos after a few months. There is no ryhme or reason to it, your brains doing its own thing trying to heal and thats all there is to it. And it sucks super bad, and yes you can go to bed at midnight and feel like you drank 5 cups of coffee and its 7am and the feeling never goes away, all night. Or you can barely keep your eyes open....go to bed and bam suddenly your awake. If that is what is happening i would def suggest sleep restriction because you might have identified your bed with awake time. If you find yourself barely able to stay awake on couch but to go bed and awake all night thats whats happening. You have to reassociate your bed with sleep using sleep restriction methods....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was on that rat poison clonazepam for three months and tried to rapidly taper off. Got slammed with symptoms. Reinstated at half dose and spent a grueling 14 months tapering off of it. Been off of the poison for 14 months, but continue to get worse. Insomnia is a really big problem, and the reason I started taking that poison in the first case. What gave me insomnia has resolved, but the damage from the poison has not. I never get sleepy tired. I might sleep a couple of hrs per night, but that's all. My life is hell. The poison benzos alter the chemistry of your neurons such that they can no longer efficiently process GABA, which calms you down. For me it kicked off a neurodegenerative disease that is affecting everthing. My like has been destroyed. I am just waiting to die.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...