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36 months - Will I ever heal ?


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Age 26

 

Consumption from age 13 - 22.

 

Month 37 currently and I still have PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms).

 

Other name for PAWS is "protracted withdrawal".

 

PAWS lasts between 1 - 4 years.

 

I had PAWS reductions at month 4, 6, 18 and 32.

 

Current symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream.

 

No medication, no drugs, no alcohol, no porn, no masturbation, no sex, no conscious ejaculation, nothing.

 

I was mostly unemployed and I'm not working right now. I have mostly received unemployment benefits and currently live off my savings. I don't do anything. I am mostly at home. I lie in my bed more than I sit or stand.

 

I spend my day mostly watching movies and series. I try to distract myself as much as I can. I have no drive to work or study. I don't even have the motivation to shower or shave. I do it sometimes though, because I feel a little better afterwards.

 

I don't feel sad but I don't feel happy either. My emotions are turned off. Everything bores me. Everything is the same. I don't feel any excitement or anticipation. If someone gave me 1 million swiss francs, I would feel nothing. There would be no excitement and motivation to do something with this money.

 

If you don't feel emotions and nothing brings you joy, then you also have no motivation to do anything.

 

->

 

These success stories keep me alive. They write:

 

39 months PAWS - http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=70762.msg942902#msg942902

 

42 months PAWS 1 - http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=46439.msg629772#msg629772

 

42 months PAWS 2 - http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=90955.msg1168117#msg1168117

 

43 months PAWS - http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=261522.msg3302665#msg3302665

 

When I reach month 42, I will publish a new post with success stories that lasted up to 48 months.

 

I have found many success stories between 1 - 3 years and only a few between 3 - 4 years on "benzobuddies".

 

So I have to get out of PAWS this year.

 

It seems that I am one of the worst cases.

 

PAWS Wikpedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

 

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There is a list of success stories stickyed at the top of the Protracted board if you care to look at them, you’ll need to subscribe to that board to see them.

 

 

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your profile says that you had a reduction in symptoms in months 4, 6, 18, and 32? How many symptoms did you start with versus now? How many dropped off over time? Are symptoms persisting but not worsening?
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Some people take longer to get better than others but that does not mean it does not get better as all. Hang in there and try focus on the progress you have already made, I know it’s not easy but do try distract as much as possible and hopefully soon you will see more improvements.
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There is a list of success stories stickyed at the top of the Protracted board if you care to look at them, you’ll need to subscribe to that board to see them.

 

Thank you. I have sent a request and waiting for confirmation.

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your profile says that you had a reduction in symptoms in months 4, 6, 18, and 32? How many symptoms did you start with versus now? How many dropped off over time? Are symptoms persisting but not worsening?

 

Sorry but my brain fog is still pretty bad and thinking hurts my brain. I am trying to remember back. It is strange to talk about the past symptoms.

 

I just know it was terror until month 18. I had very severe depression, severe social anxiety, severe OCD, DPDR, paranoia, severe exhaustion and fatigue. These were the main symptoms I remember but I had others as well.

 

Then I had the reduction at month 18.

 

From month 18 - 32 the symptoms were lessened. It was no longer a constant terror but still painful. I didn't even have the motivation to take dishes out of the dishwasher.

 

Then I had the reduction at month 32. I got goosebumps when I was outside and noticed this change. Since then I think it's been uphill. That was the decisive reduction.

 

However, my life still consists of no social contact and mostly in my room. I have no motivation to work or do anything productive. I just hang out at home.

 

My current symptoms are always exactly the same. I have no windows and waves. Every day is exactly the same.

 

After each reduction it was as if I had always been in this state and as if the previous state did not exist. So for example, I had a reduction in symptoms in month 4 and then in month 6. When I had the reduction in month 6 it was like I had always been in that state and what was up to month 6 was like a completed memory. Then I had a reduction in month 18 and then it was like I had always been in that state and what was up to month 18 I didn't experience.

 

I have no idea what's going to happen next. Another reduction or complete healing ?

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Some people take longer to get better than others but that does not mean it does not get better as all. Hang in there and try focus on the progress you have already made, I know it’s not easy but do try distract as much as possible and hopefully soon you will see more improvements.

 

Thank you.

 

I know some people say that and even those who made it out of PAWS have said that: "I think I am one of the worst cases."

 

I am at month 37 and still have no motivation to do anything productive. I want to be productive and work but my brain is turned off.

 

Nevertheless, I hope for a further reduction or complete healing this year.

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