Sorry for my late update of my appointment. i was going over everything and writing it all down, then giving myself a much needed rest yesterday.
So the appointment went ok. Not as good as i was hoping, but im hoping its not going to end up as a complete waste of time neither. I handed him the document with all my points written out, but he said he'd file it on my records, and said this appointment wasnt for that. Right off the bat I'm thinking the worst. I told him that what is in that document WAS the main reason for my visit, and he listened but i felt like he wasn't hearing me, at least not entirely. He just left them there,sitting on his desk next to me, NOTE:....he didnt even look at them during this whole half hour conversation. So it left me explaining it all to him. AND i was scrambling for all the right words i had gone over and over in my head the night and days before that appointment.
The doctor essentially understood the main points of the withdrawals and whats happening in my system. Although he does seem to want to help, he also seems unwilling to accept my self led tapering. He sounded hesitant at any possibility that I may need extra time in months or possibly a year, to successfully get off the X completely. Hes mentioned the psychiatrist guiding my tapering, but this may not even get to that, as any psychiatrist in my area, only has 10 to 15 minutes tops, to speak with, plus it’s at least a 4 month wait to even see one . Hes also still assuming there will be no problems getting me off the benzos by spring. Its somewhat frustrating and kind of scary, not knowing how I end up in the ensuing months ahead. Whether I get down to 5 even by January 2023, is questionable because of the length of time ive been on them, and the amount I was taking. Plus the withdrawal symptoms are the other road block. He also mentioned something about worrying he may not be there for my entire tapering period, which im thinking he might leave the clinic and move on to some other one. If hes talking about it now, then what does he mean??
He also said no other doctor there would even give me the script, so im getting worried that this is why hes so adamant on getting me off these dam things by spring. He started this whole thing, and now its as if he wants to end it quickly. This has me concerned so I will be raising that question to him on my next in office visit, in a few weeks maybe sooner.
He did say if I have problems getting down to 5 by January 2023, he would change the script for another or rather extend it one month only. Think this is still his “mission”, to rapid taper and im not accepting that. Finding another doctor now, after all this, is going to make all my effort's and half assed success to date , with my tapering, a waste of time if I end up having to go cold turkey all of a sudden , knowing full well it will end badly for me at my age. Im just hoping he does in fact go over those docs and reads my notes , as he said he would , when he has time. I dont have time to waste on any stall tactics or ignoring extremely valid points. I hope he gets my drift and doent push me backwards, as im not willing to go that route at all.
Still in this frustrating hamster wheel. ** heavy sighs**
