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12 days off after 3 year taper - updates!


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Hey all, I’m finally done with my everlasting taper!

Nothing great to report yet, still having all the same symptoms I had during the taper.

 

One foot in front of the other.

Tree

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Twelve days off my 3+ years taper, I felt pretty much the same as I felt on the last days of my taper. It takes time, sigh.

 

Hang in.

 

:smitten:

 

Katz

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The waiting game is harder than I anticipated.

I don’t feel good enough to get on with living normal life (work, shopping,etc)  so it just feels like waiting for a little tiny bit of progress.

Tricky.

 

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2 weeks today - some things have let up a little this evening. I’m sure it’s not forever, but I’ll take it!

I was able to help make dinner, clean up, and hang out in the same room while the fam watched a movie. I couldn’t do any of that a week ago.

 

A lot of the normal things that have been plaguing me through taper are still here, just not so in my face right now. I’ll take it!

So grateful.

 

Hope the window stays for a bit - fingers crossed 🤞🏼

A week ago I didn’t see how I’d make it another day.

I’m a floaty boater and even that has let up a bit today - sigh of relief 🥲

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  • 2 weeks later...

30 days off today!

I have had more times where the dizziness lets up

Neck pain is better

Back pain is a bit better

 

I had a pretty good spot at the beginning of week 3. I went out to a coffee shop then walked around outside for a bit and felt pretty normal.

Then the rest of week 3 to 4 was a pretty rough wave. It correlated with cycle days 25-4 so I guess hormones played a last and it’s to be expected.

Very rough mental and physical. More tingling than I’ve had in a long time (face, arms, legs).

It kind of peaked around days 25-29 off of the med, which correlates to the 5-7 half life mark for Valium. I think it’s probably when the majority of the drug was leaving my system.

I still rest a lot, and lots of things feel way overstimulating. But I’m able to rest, then get back up and try again in a little while.

 

I’m hanging out with my family a bit more. Making food for my kids.

Having the TV on in the same room is ok now. I can be up and about a bit more, less of the “omg I’m going to pass out” feeling.

Thankful for all of the good changes.

 

Tree

 

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Oh my goodness TreeLover...this just gave me hope. When you wrote, "2 weeks today - some things have let up a little this evening. I’m sure it’s not forever, but I’ll take it! I was able to help make dinner, clean up, and hang out in the same room while the fam watched a movie. I couldn’t do any of that a week ago" I was shaking my head up and down.

 

I am RIGHT there; 6 days of Klonopin and what a week for it with my 2 little kids and Christmas. I am very glad we did a ton of activities before this and I wrapped 90% of their gifts already because I am totally OUT for the count with regard to taking care of them. SO opposite from my norm. I cleaned the kitchen counters today and it no joke did me in. I could not handle all the sensations from it.

 

My husband has had to do a ton and leaves out of town for work for 2 days tomorrow. I am worried because I feel bad, there's no family here and I have already asked another mom to take him to and from school. That's where I'm at...car pickup/dropoff at school is too much.

 

I have a ton of brain sensations and just today it's like the flu/getting hit by a truck feeling. I am really glad you wrote this and I'm praying for you before bed tonight that things keep going on the upswing.  :smitten:

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NW- it’s amazing how quickly our nervous system gets overwhelmed. Very small things can set it off, huh? My son was singing a song to the cat and I thought I might have to run away. 😂😬

I spend a lot of time standing on the front porch. Pep talks and deep breaths.

 

-I’m not ok

Yes you are. Take a deep breath. Feel the ground.

-This is too much

Breathe.

 

All day.

And of course sometimes it’s just too much and I lay down and feel like I’m dying.

So it goes.

When you can work, work. When you need to rest, rest.

It’s so minute to minute lately.

 

It’s like my default is dread and nothing being ok, then I have to remind myself to look around and see that things are ok. Then my head slips back into “nothing is ok!”

Yes it is. No. Yes.

 

Hard to keep those automatic negative thoughts in check.

 

Keep fighting!

Good luck with your single parenting while your partner is away. 🙏🏻

Congratulations on being off!

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

41 days off now, and things have calmed down enough that I don’t feel awful all the time!

I have good stretches most  days where I have interest in doing things. I don’t hide away in my room avoiding the noise of a lively house. I can watch some shows on TV, I have exercised a bit more (small 12 min bike ride outside), and I’ve voluntarily left the house to go out several times.

 

I’ve worked in some gentle leg strengthening exercises - while laying down. My muscles get sore so fast! But legs feel stronger.

 

Over Christmas I did pretty good, I was easily overwhelmed brain/ vision wise.

I was able to decorate gingerbread houses with the kids, play catch a bit, and felt relaxed enough to laugh and goof around.

I feel anxiety rise, and can usually notice what is happening and breathe it back down.

I have a lot of body tightness in my neck and lower back. I’m still doing gentle yoga every day.

My appetite is back and I’ve gained a few pounds finall!. I have had some nausea that comes and goes this week.

Ovulation was rough again - pain wise - a mild uptick in anxiety, but no intrusive or SI this time. So grateful for that.

I still feel swimmy headed and boaty from time to time, most evenings when I lay down I feel a bit rocky. I don’t jolt awake in fear anymore as I’m drifting off (wow I hated that symptom), or have dizziness when I wake up or roll over.

Also I don’t feel like I’m about to pass out all day anymore. I feel a bit stronger.

I had a solid week of super heavy and cold arms. They got sore and worn out so fast. Even washing hair in the shower would make them ache. That has passed thankfully.

I still don’t shower standing up every day - it’s so tiring! 

I lay down in the afternoons if I feel extra spacey, but it’s getting slowly better. I don’t need to do it every day now. (I was mostly laying in bed my last few months while tapering)

Shaky vision is gone 90% of the time, tinnitus comes and goes, ear drum spasms are mostly gone.

 

My teeth hurt and feel very sensitive to cold and for some reason metallic noises - make my teeth feel on edge and ache. So odd. I assume it’ll pass like everything else has.

Such a weird process.

 

All in all, doing better!

Keep trucking!

 

 

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