I'm tired.

It's extremely difficult for me to believe that I'm going to get better considering where I am, how I got here and the fact that I more or less C/T after 9 years of on and off use starting at the age of 15. Especially after reading the information that I have and getting more and more informed on benzos/benzo withdrawal.. I honestly see myself as an extreme case.

 

It's really hard to stay positive. I've been so depressed during all of this.. even before I jumped. If I'm not depressed I'm extremely disconnected. It feels like I'm losing my sanity or the physical symptoms are going to kill me. I haven't had a window where I've truly felt like myself in a very long time. And when I have felt better I still don't feel like myself, my brain is so cloudy or I feel borderline manic which causes anxiety. The only time I do feel somewhat okay now is when I'm getting reassurance from someone, but it's short lived.. then I'm back to feeling miserable again. I'm really sad. I don't want to live like this. I don't want this to be my life. I don't know how I'm supposed to wake up every day feeling like this. And I feel horrible sending messages like this to people, I don't want to put this on anyone. I'm just so scared and exhausted and I feel so alone.

2 months off after taking for years is still pretty early.  The symptoms you describe are those of benzo withdrawal.  And you are young - so that helps with a stronger body.

 

Anxiety affects your thinking.  Feelings are not to be believed when in an anxious state.

 

When I was young (26) and first treated for anxiety and depression, my parents had drove to my city (about 150 miles away from them) to pick me up so I could spend Christmas with them.  Normally I drove and visited them, but they did not want me to drive in my condition.  When they returned me to my apartment a couple days after Christmas, I remember thinking I would never see them again.  I felt so bad that I thought surely I must be dying.

 

6 weeks later, I was pretty much back to my normal self, and I'm more than twice that age now, and have accomplished many things in my life.  Obviously, what my mind convinced me of (that I must be dying) was incorrect.

 

 

 

Your not an extreme case. What symptoms are you having? Just depression and anxiety I know how you feel though. aits tough to fight a battle like this and not know if it even has an end. I sometimes (all the time) think that this is it. the best I am going to get and I am ready to give up. Then something like last night happens. I havent had a decent sleep in almost 11 months. Last night I slept from 10 to 3 and then from 4 to 730. It was crappy, light, dreamy sleep, but is was sleep. That gives me hope again that maybe I can heal. I know I hated hearing this and I still hate hearing but your still early in withdrawal. Only a very lucky few are healed by then. Your doing great just keep putting one foot in front of the other. find something that gives you reason to keep going. For me its my kids. I look at them and I know I have to make it through this for them.

Here's a list of my symptoms:

 

Anxiety

Depression

I find no enjoyment in anything

I feel disconnected at times

Cognitive issues/cognitive decline

I don't feel like myself

Intrusive thoughts

Intrusive memories

Looping thoughts

All emotions heightened (more so around my period)

Overwhelmed and stressed when doing little tasks

Breaking down and crying easily

Vivid nightmares, waking up in a panic/sweat

No appetite

Poor memory

Urinating more frequently

Pain and pressure in head

Base of neck pain

Lower back pain

Health Anxiety

Difficulty Eating

Hi briecheese,

 

All those symptoms are common in withdrawal.  Frank1964 is right, you're still early in withdrawal - it's normal to be experiencing all the symptoms you listed.  I know you feel discouraged right now - I remember feeling the way you do - it's brutal.  But you will not feel this way forever.  Your brain is healing.  Your symptoms will fade away. It takes time. 

 

It can be comforting to see validation that your symptoms are normal.  These lists aren't comprehensive so if you have a symptom you don't see, ask us about it

:

Benzo Withdrawal Symptoms

Chapter 3 Ashton manual, list of symptoms

 

I think you'll find encouragement in these links:

 

Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted

 

What's happening inside your brain

 

Four Phases of Withdrawal

 

You'll get through this.

Brighterday

Should I be worried about having a lot of the symptoms that aren't as common?

I don’t think you should worry about WD symptoms that aren’t as common. It’s all relative. For example, during the first months of withdrawal one of the symptoms I worried about was head pressure.  I asked my psych doc and a therapist I was seeing at the time about it. Both of them had never heard of it. I didn’t see it referred to much at first. After spending time on the forum I found mire mentions of it and that really comforted me. So it wasn’t necessarily common but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a withdrawal symptom. And sure enough, like other withdrawal symptoms, it faded away over time.

 

 

I have all of those symptoms as well-you’re definitely not alone and they are all common w/d symptoms. All of them.

Last Saturday I finally felt good! Okay, it was maybe short lived, but it happened and I know it will continue to happen! It will happen for you too!

There’s coping strategies listed somewhere here-I’m sure someone can direct you to them. In the meantime find your own coping strategies via Google, Instagram-anything! And implement them. Write a list so you’ll remember and review that list constantly. For example, this is only a symptom, symptoms mean healing, nothing stays the same as everything changes, this is only a brief chapter; breathe; distract and so on!

You will get better and you will be okay! 🙏

I had every symptom you listed plus a few more. Unfortunately, benzo wd CAN be this bad. There is no proof of this but it seems that those who go CT off have worst withdrawals. Not to say taper people dont too. Over the years here I have noticed that almost everyone here feels they are the "worst case". In retrospect, that applies to me too. LOL! I used and abused benzos plus alcohol for 30  years. I was forced to go CT off a huge dose of Klonapin, plus 2 SSRIs. When this happened I was furious with my doctor. he had finally guessed that perhaps my psych meds were causing my many falls, fractures, muscle weakness, etc. turns out he was RIGHT. I am no longer angry at him. My wd was awful, just as yours is. Almost ever.yone here has good reason to need BBs help and support. We dont have in person help with this. Many of us have found that if we are honest with our physicians, we get treated like "neurotic old ladies." I ran into this 2 times early on in wd. One doctor suggested Seroquel, for heavens sake. The other doctor suggested I needed intense mdental therapy.

.

Now, here is the UP side of my story: Once I finally began to feel semi normal, was able to function, I slowly realized that my old depression was GONE. So was my muscle weakness, foggy thinking, etc etc. They were caused by the benzos and probably also the SSRIs. I later learned that benzos can and do cause depression.

 

Just dont give up, Brie. Hang in there, because this all does get better. Feel free to visit my Blog, as it details what I went through. And I survived it all, thanks to BenzoBuddies.

Annie

(eastcoast)

Should I be worried about having a lot of the symptoms that aren't as common?

 

Do you have a job? If you're not bedridden or have become disabled that's a good sign. You shall overcome

Here's a list of my symptoms:

 

Anxiety

Depression

I find no enjoyment in anything

I feel disconnected at times

Cognitive issues/cognitive decline

I don't feel like myself

Intrusive thoughts

Intrusive memories

Looping thoughts

All emotions heightened (more so around my period)

Overwhelmed and stressed when doing little tasks

Breaking down and crying easily

Vivid nightmares, waking up in a panic/sweat

No appetite

Poor memory

Urinating more frequently

Pain and pressure in head

Base of neck pain

Lower back pain

Health Anxiety

Difficulty Eating

 

This list is promising in terms of the potential for full resolution in a reasonable amount of time. Things do get better. Not to worry, they do. You are healing, and you will continue to heal. Two months is early in the process. I know it must feel like an eternity.

 

After stopping Ativan, I had all your symptoms (and many more) in months one to two. In month three, I have seen improvement in the nightmares, intrusive thoughts/memories, and feeling disconnected. I got botox for the non-stop headaches in month two, which helped. I was terrified to get it, but I had to. I was in such pain. I am getting physical therapy for the other pains, which has also helped. I laid on moist heat for the first 60 days every day multiple times a day, and could barely move, eat, or function I was in such excruciating pain. I no longer need heat packs daily. So there has been improvement there as well.

 

I trust that you will feel well again. I hope this comforts you in your time of need.