36 months

Just popping in to provide a quick update on my status. I just passed the three year mark a couple days ago from CTing benzos. First year was horrific. I couldn't understand speech, could barely talk, and basically had the memory of a gold fish. The sense of isolation was devastating as I did not have the ability to communicate to people what was wrong with me, and even if I had I don't think they would have believed me. I had at least 50% of the symptoms described in the Ashton manual but none was more taxing to my overall well-being and confidence than losing my memory and cognitive capacity. I spent almost the entire first year playing games on my phone like sudoku, and crosswords to pass the time as I couldn't do much else. Couldn't even watch tv because I was unable to follow the plot or understand what was being said.

 

I had to fake my way through my job until I was eventually medically released, at which point I decided to go back to school to earn a technologist diploma. I still wasn't ready for the rigors of school but I could not turn down the opportunity to get a free education provided by the government. Managed to pull off an 81% average my first semester despite my poor memory. Every semester since my marks improved as my memory capacity increased at a glacially slow pace, and now I have 2 weeks left until my last set of finals are over. The fact I was able to tough it out in spite of my limitations is quite the accomplishment for myself.

 

Two days ago I had to do a group presentation in front of my classmates and instructors, and it was a great success. Normally, I would be a nervous wreck if I had to present in front of people, even if I had rehearsed what I was going to say a thousand times but this time I was calm and had no pent up anxious energy prior to standing up in front my class mates. I don't know if my brain has built new neural pathways during the healing process or if it's just me getting older (soon to be 35) but I'm less anxious than ever before.

 

Still not completely out of the woods. I still have some lingering memory issues, probably at about 80-85% of my former self, and libido is low (although maybe this is due to getting older?) but overall much much better. Hopefully I will be able to write my success story in the not too distant future.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Cheers

Congratulations, what an accomplishment!!

 

Wishing you a complete recovery and good luck in your new career.

Mary

Awesome! Did you deal with depression through the process?

Congrats to you on reaching 36 months. And getting through school on top of it all. I am almost 2.5 years out, so a little bit behind you. Best wishes for continued healing...

Congratulations !

I heartily congratulate you! You are the hero! May God bless you!

Thanks all for the responses. Wishing you all a speedy recovery that doesn't last nearly long as mine. 36 months is a long time too still not be at 100%.

 

Awesome! Did you deal with depression through the process?

 

Hi, boomboxboy. I did have moments, but it was never long-lasting. I guess it would be more apt to call it periods of sadness or frustration. I would get down on myself because I was incapable of being the person I once was. It seems a lot of people get depression directly from benzo damage itself whereas mine was more of a secondary effect which arose from my cognitive ineptness.

I have to applaud you, going back to school feeling so crazy awful. Good for you!

It took me a bit over 3 years to heal. My fourth year I felt mostly okay but still have a few symptoms that I just had to learn to ignore. I went CT in 2012, off a boatload of Klonapin and Ambien and 2 ADs. Recipe for disaster and that is what happened.

Today, I am just fine. I still have two minor symptoms that only started in WD but they are so minor and I can ignore them. They wont hurt me and I also know by now that they just do not count as anything to worry about. Life is too short.

Have you written a Success Story? If so I would like to read it.

east

I have to applaud you, going back to school feeling so crazy awful. Good for you!

It took me a bit over 3 years to heal. My fourth year I felt mostly okay but still have a few symptoms that I just had to learn to ignore. I went CT in 2012, off a boatload of Klonapin and Ambien and 2 ADs. Recipe for disaster and that is what happened.

Today, I am just fine. I still have two minor symptoms that only started in WD but they are so minor and I can ignore them. They wont hurt me and I also know by now that they just do not count as anything to worry about. Life is too short.

Have you written a Success Story? If so I would like to read it.

east

 

Thanks, eastcoast62!

 

Glad you are doing so much better at 5 years out. Getting off a cocktail of drugs all at once must have been a nightmare! One drug is hard enough! Prior to my benzo addiction, I was prescribed SSRIs for a short time and I know how awful those can be to get off of.

 

I haven't written a success story as it's still a bit premature to call myself a success. When I'm ready to write one I certainly will because I know how much the success stories meant to me early on.

Congratulations on your success!  It's amazing the accomplishments you've made thru all of this. Keep it up & thanks for sharing!

I am glad you stuck it out. I am glad I did! If I hadn't, I would now be dead, and I know this as an absolute fact. My last year on benzos I was so sick and frail I was seriously considering moving into a local nursing home. OMG. That is truly. awful but it is the truth. Benzos affected me THAT badly. And I am a nurse, RN of 37 years, and benzos did such a horror show on me despite my knowledge of drugs.

Good luck to you, my friend, going back to school after this benzo mess you went through. I recently got my RN license back, because I had put it on a retired status when I got off benzos. Well, now I am again a fully licensed RN Nurse. Good for me!

east

I have to applaud you, going back to school feeling so crazy awful. Good for you!

It took me a bit over 3 years to heal. My fourth year I felt mostly okay but still have a few symptoms that I just had to learn to ignore. I went CT in 2012, off a boatload of Klonapin and Ambien and 2 ADs. Recipe for disaster and that is what happened.

Today, I am just fine. I still have two minor symptoms that only started in WD but they are so minor and I can ignore them. They wont hurt me and I also know by now that they just do not count as anything to worry about. Life is too short.

Have you written a Success Story? If so I would like to read it.

east

 

Thanks, eastcoast62!

 

Glad you are doing so much better at 5 years out. Getting off a cocktail of drugs all at once must have been a nightmare! One drug is hard enough! Prior to my benzo addiction, I was prescribed SSRIs for a short time and I know how awful those can be to get off of.

 

I haven't written a success story as it's still a bit premature to call myself a success. When I'm ready to write one I certainly will because I know how much the success stories meant to me early on.

 

 

I'm still waiting for your success story.