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I'm Working Part Time ... & an Update


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Hello everyone.

 

Prayers & thoughts to everyone as we head towards our healing. This is indeed what is happening - Healing.

 

Even on days that are really rough. Even if we've had to take something (med)/have a needed medical/dental procedure/over did it physically too soon/ate the wrong thing etc.-  that may have made it harder for awhile, even if you've had to endure that,  the fact is that we are STILL moving forward towards healing everyday. It's just that it takes a long time. Longer than we expected.

 

I have a milestone that I'm happy to report-  :)

I've been working part time. Actually if I think about it, I've really been working part time on & off throughout this, just a lot more so in the last couple weeks. I work from home and I do the advertising, marketing, and research for our company. Until these last few weeks it was very infrequent. By infrequent I mean like a few days here and there spread out over a year. I was just too sick to do much more then.

 

Well, in the last couple weeks I've been putting in real part-time hours. Working a few hours almost everyday. I was doing this without even realizing that I should be giving myself credit for it because this is indeed an important milestone that should be celebrated!

 

It feels good to contribute. It feels good to go to bed at night knowing I accomplished something that day, & looking forward to something tomorrow. This feels good even on days that I may still have symptoms that are a challenge.

 

This is a good way to end the day at night, whether we are having a bad day, or a good day. Whether we are able to work, or if we are only able to maybe just get out of bed that day & sit in a chair.

 

Whatever part of your journey you are on. Whatever your capability level, it's good to go to bed at night making a mental list of what you accomplished that day so you feel good about it. If you were able to just get out of bed, it's an accomplishment. If you were able to just sit outside in nature, it's an accomplishment. If you were able to take a walk, visit with someone, talk on the phone, increase physical activity, drive a little, return to work .... it's all an accomplishment. And, if getting out of bed, or just sitting up in bed is all you were able to do today,  you are not alone, and it's still an accomplishment. MANY are experiencing that now, or have at some point. Time will make it better.

 

The last posts I made on here, a couple weeks ago were about how I had overdone it. Too much too soon. I was feeling like I was healed for almost two months so I "went for it". It's hard not to do that when we're feeling better. We all overdo it at one point or another.

 

I golfed 2x in one week. That's something I had not done in about 4 or 5 years.--Way before I was in withdrawal. And, when I took a look at what was really going on, not only had a golfed, I was doing a lot, all at once, & definitely NOT "dipping my toe in." All I had to do was go back over my Instagram posts and photos and by golly, I did more than I had been doing over a 4 or 5 month time-frame,  except this time I packed it all into about 3 weeks.

 

I was going to the beach AND going to festivals AND moving more than I ever had because I wanted to lose weight AND driving more AND going to stores more AND eating out in parks on picnics AND golf - all in 3 weeks! I did it because I thought I was healed.

 

It wasn't all smooth sailing. I had some symptoms. There was a bit of dizziness and wooziness and wobblyness. There were signs that I probably should have dialed it back some, but it was minimal and I ignored it.

 

I know some can do all the things I listed above while in withdrawal, and it doesn't seem to affect them, but for many, including myself, it's too much too soon.

 

I also figured, well it's 3 years and I feel better than I ever have, so I'm healed, cuz it's been 3 years. I was really counting on that time frame. I could think that all I wanted, but my brain and central nervous system reminded me that it was not time and I got a wave of symptoms that got a bit rougher than I expected it would.

 

It's been about 4 weeks since I golfed. The first week was rough. It's gotten better with each week. It was also not as bad as previous waves. For most of it I still felt good enough to get out of the house for a ride. Symptoms came & went throughout the day. I'd have several hours of needing to distract while only feeling physically able to hang out in my chair, mixed in with hours of feeling totally healed.

 

Now I'm doing better and working part time, but I've learned a big lesson in "dipping my toe in". "Dipping my toe in" does not mean cramming it all into 2 or 3 weeks. Lol.

 

Some folks believe in a "desensitization" process as part of "helping to heal". Some believe in waiting it out a bit longer. (Not forever, but a bit longer before increasing activity a little.) I've actually tried it both ways. I've pushed more than I should and this is not the first time I've done that. It seems to me that there's a middle ground,  in a way.

 

I don't believe you can desensitize. You can't make your injury heal. At least I can't. That's me though. I just think for myself it's better to elevate the activity level very slowly, over a period of months. Like hang out at the beach for several weeks and if that goes well, then start with hitting a few balls at the driving range versus going out on the course for several weeks, but not everyday. And when I say "several weeks" I mean like remaining at that pace for the whole summer.

 

Our society and life expectations have such a "push push push" way of living. In my 39 months on this healing journey, I've learned that approach does not work for me. I've had to learn my "do's & dont's" & take them seriously until time heals me more.

 

If working part time when I can, taking my daily nature walks (which I've been fortunate enough to be able to do the entire 3 years of this) , & hitting a driving range a bit on occasion is what my life will look like for a year or so more ... is that really that bad? No. Sounds like a pretty good way to be until I heal more.

 

Can I say that I won't have more waves/symptom flares in my future? No. Not yet I don't think. My brain and CNS are still healing. I'm still sensitive to stress, certain foods & doing too much. I'm still afraid of ever needing a med/antibiotic, but i'm not freaking out about it a bunch like i used to. BUT, I'VE MADE HUGE STRIDES! I've went 5 months consecutively in this where I've only had 4 or 5 days a month of manageable symptoms. Things are improving with time.

 

Keep moving forward.. We'll all get there.

 

- Fortitude

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