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I cant believe I am here


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I am so insanely grateful to be in this section of the thread where I imagined I would never be. Thank you to everyone in this forum. I am now 1 month off of benzodiazepines. After 6 long years of what seems like a total blur of absolute misery and hell. Hundreds of days in a row where I prayed id die opposed to wake up. This is truly amazing to be able to live and exist without needing a pill. At my worst I was crushing clonazepam or Xanax and dumping it in alcohol. Now I wake up and play golf. These stories always seem absolutely impossible in the middle of the torture that exists. The fear, panic, insomnia. Sheer hopelessness that would eat my soul and spit it out. I want one person to read this and realize NO MATTER HOW DEEP YOU ARE IN... I made it out of that. You can too. I relapsed and quit on myself HUNDREDS of times. Yet I finally did it. Love you all.
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Congratulations!  And thanks for sharing .  It DOES give us hope. Absolutely!  I really needed to hear it today.  :smitten:
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Congratulations, Trtguy! That's awesome! Sounds like you're recovering well in acute. This gives me a lot of hope as well, and I also need to hear stories like yours daily. Did you really jump at .23 mg?
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So wonderful to read your update! You truly deserve the joy of golf, everyday life and much more!
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  • 4 weeks later...
So it’s been a roller coaster the last 8 months but I am so happy I am free of benzos. I still have some high blood pressure issues(much much better however). I still get anxiety and I am still not currently flying and feel trapped in traffic(both extreme) but overall I can tell I am healing mentally and physically. I am able to work again. It’s been three months and it’s a good gig back in recruiting and something I’m good at and get to work from home. I still have racing thoughts, nightmares, trouble sleeping in general, and can get easily overwhelmed along with the physical symptoms but I’m so thankful to be off benzos. Man are they such terrible things and if you read my background you can see I was at an extremely high dose for so long and man have I been through hell with it. Again if you are still on benzos and can’t imagine yourself ever getting off that’s ok similar to AA one day at a time. You can plan for 6 months ahead in your taper but things change and you most of the time need to take it one day at a time it really does get better. I have been through ER and hospital visits, dozens of doctors, hellish dreams, extreme next level panic, confusion, sleeping very little for months to years, extreme stress from work, getting MBA, having a toddler, and etc I have been where you are and I pray you keep going and keep striving.  Thank you to everyone reading this and thank you for letting me share.
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:smitten: Best wishes to you on your continued recovery journey. It sounds like you’ve been through the ringer as all of us have but look at you now! It only can go up from here even if symptoms flare up. It’s just your brain under major repair. Don’t be discouraged by it. One day at a time…you’re right about that. Your new healed life is waiting for you.  :thumbsup:

 

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