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KROCK....The Sucess Story I never wrote......


[KR...]

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My sweet friend KRock,

 

I begin my reply in a different way from others, as we began our connection so many, many years ago.. We had the chat room then and connected so much through that.  Of course your username was different in those days, and further out I wondered what happen to my buddie by that username ******..  I missed you!!

 

At some point this KRock member was posting in replies now and then on sites and attacking ones who began the thread, one in particular.  That's when I had enough and had to try to smooth things and replied accordingly how I felt to this KRock.  Of course he came back strong arming me..  It really became and donnybrook...  His one final post was "you know me but under a different username"...  I thought "who was he what was that username", this isn't someone I was close with, even through this nightmare that was this extreme.. I sent a pm to KRock, pm's blocked.  Red flag remembrance...  In that dialog, heated as it was between us, he mentioned *******...another bb... I sent her a pm and she replied, as we communicated a lot over that period of time.  I was floored.  Asked her as they spoke by phone so much, she was a pillar for and with him, to give him my love.  I posted back to him on the thread... I know who you are now and shared my feeling about him from me.

 

KRock my dear friend...  A sweet little spiritual bird, the last of the ones I have been supporting told me of your success story, and how grateful I was to hear of it.  Moments after our conversation I came on BB, so I could read it and read each and every reply.  Tears flow with lots of joy reading yours, as I promised you that you would heal and get there, and you have as you share.

 

It is a journey of none other as you state so specifically and honestly.  Though as you share it is life changing, and it is.  As I have shared with the ones I have personally supported off BB, many gifts come from this plank of hell process, we are reborn to a new self with peace and new direction.  You my dear KRock... you know the truth of this journey, you walked it as feeling crippled and broken through it, though, you found the truth... The body has a magnificent power of healing, it does get us there, it just takes that time.

 

My blessings to you my dear friend.  Tears flow from my eyes with JOY to have read this beautiful Success Story, and I know you are fine now...  You earned all the "gifts" that come from it.. You have them now with a beautiful peace within yourself.. And from that, you will continue extending those gifts in the most simple and important ways.

 

Your Success Story is so much proof of that.

 

Love to you always... Pattylu : :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

(P.S.  One day in the spiritual arena in the next plane in life, I will smile as I will know who you are and give you the biggest hug)

 

Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I appreciate the support you gave me. I will never forget it.

 

It’s really hard to believe I’m on the other side of this deal. For a long time I had my doubts. All I could do was hope and pray.

 

One thing the withdrawal did was rid me of all my bad stressors....it completely changed my lifestyle. It flushed out all the fake bad people I didn’t need in my life from friends to family members. I can honestly say I’m beater off now in a lot of ways than before my withdrawal. It’s jsut sad I had to go through what I went through to get here.

 

I never knew I had the power to make it until I made it. The human body and mind is more powerful than people give it credit. You can achieve anything you set your mind to if you empower yourself and have a reason. My reason was to prove all the doctors and non believers that my symptoms were real and I could heal.

 

 

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KRock....congratulations on your success and thanks so much for returning and letting know that you have your life back.....

    I have a question.....you mentioned digestive symptoms....can you tell me what kind of symptoms did you have, when did they start, and how did you deal with them.  Did you treat them in any way?

Were you diagnosed with any conditions like SIBO, Histamine Intolerance, or food intolerances, etc.?

And if you had any of those conditions, did they just heal up naturally?  I started with digestive issues, late in my recovery period....5 years out....have been trying to treat these issues, but sure would like to know that they heal as well......or is it damage that was done to my gutthat I will have To livewith forever.....I know you cannot really say, but give me your opinion and how you dealt with it.

    I am nearly healed at 8 years out now, just a few issues that still hold me back from saying...”I AM HEALED.”

Thanks again for coming back and answering our questions....

Hoping

 

Thanks....and congrats on being so far out in your recovery. You should be proud of yourself. I know it wasn’t easy.

 

As far as the digestive issues....I had some bad stomach issues right after my CT. Extreme stomach pains and cramping....to major bloating and I wasn’t even eating anything to get bloated. How the hell does that happen! I thought I had celiac disease.....so I cut out all the wheat products....started eating rice, That didn’t help. Then I thought I was lactose intolerant.....major pains when eating dairy....so I stopped eating that......that didn’t help either. I thought I had ulcers.....went to doc to get tested.....no ulcers. By the way he checked me for that other stuff...all came back negative. It was very frustrating. All this lasted a long time. Your belly has a lot of GABA receptors in it....thus  the issues during these tuff times.

 

This is the point when I stopped going to doctors. Every time I went to a doctor they down played my withdrawal and symptoms. It pissed me off more than ever. They looked at me like I was mental and it was all in my head. Or that I was some type of hypochondriac. I got nothing from them except a bunch of bullshit lines. I knew dam well I never had these problems before withdrawal.....and I was hoping and praying I didn’t have them when it was over. Thankfully they all went away. I can eat whatever I want now. Drink Monster Energy Drinks.....spicy food...you name it. My digestive track is normal.

 

I’m not trying to bash doctors or down play the medical field. But most of them don’t have a clue what benzo withdrawl does to the body. Unless they Google it while your there and pretend they know a thing or two.

 

I haven’t been back to a doctor since. I still have the portable blood pressure monitor that the Detox Center sent me home with after they CTd me. I kept it as a reminder of all the money they charged me to fuck my brain up. I had that dam thing hoooked up to my arm all the dam time because I thought I was going to die. So sad.

 

You body does some really weird shit while it’s healing and trying to reset itself. You have to hang on because it knows what it’s doing. As scary as it is sometimes....that’s the truth.

 

Please believe in the process.....and the outcome.

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How marvelous for you to come back and share your story of victory and hope.

Rock on buddie!

M.

 

Thanks so much! You have come a LOOOONG way yourself. Please stay positive .....you deserve the best in life.

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Hi Krock,

 

I am so happy to read such a story. I need it at that moment. I am french, and we don't have so many successful stories.

I am 6 years benzo free, but I am in a very bad wave again. I thought I was done. I took magnesium for 2 months, and now I am living again with fears and suicidal issue. All my fears are back. Do you think we can live withour fear again?

I know I've been taking benzos every time there was a problem issue before withdrawal. Do you think we have to force ourselves to confront this fear or just get stress free during waves ? I feel I will never be free with my fears ! or is the wave doing that ?

 

thank you again

 

 

All my intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation was all benzo withdrawl induced. It was scary as hell. But it does go away. You just have to self talk yourself through it and remind yourself its not real. As real as it seems. The withdrawal will make your brain lie to you .....it will make you think things that you never thought you could think before. It’s mental warfare to say the least. You fighting against yourself.

 

In terms of confronting fears.....I just removed them from my life while I was healing. Anything or anyone that stressed me out I avoided.....period. I was sort of a hermit to the real world while I was healing. The fewer people I had to explain my situation to ....the bettter. Less was more for me....

 

Once your central nervous system calms down your fears won’t seem as intense. It just may take a while to get to that point. But it will happen.....and you will be at peace with yourself. Promise.,

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Thanks a lot KRock! That is encouraging!

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

What were some of the first indications that you were feeling better? Did your symptoms fade away or rapidly go near the end? What was the one symptom that stayed with you the whole time? Was it the worst symptom? Just trying to get a handle on these things!

 

You suffered for a long time. I'm SO GLAD you came back and posted your success story!!! There are many of us who need encouragement over on the protracted board. THANK YOU!!!  :smitten:

 

The first symptom that I was getting better was the fact that I was starting to be able to sit still...I was pacing my house all day long....it slowly faded away where I could start watching tv. The anxiety was just so dam bad.

 

A symptom that stayed with me the longest were the intrusive thoughts....my mind played many mean games on me. I knew the thoughts were part of the withdrawal.....but they scared the shit out of me while they were happening. I had to keep distracting my mind to push them aside. Being scared of yourself is a real eye opener.....that never happened before the withdrawal....and it’s never happened again when it was over.

 

I am almost 12 months off, and intrusive thoughts is the worst part right now. Suicidal ideation, fears of loosing control and doing something bad, especially to my fiance. This is so hardcore. But I am happy the DP/DR -part is much lower now than couple months ago.

 

I think I will be fine someday!

 

All the best,

Samuli

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It is super scary never knowing if/when the intrusive thoughts are going to go away. From what I have read in success stories, including yours, they do eventually go away but the thoughts make it seem like I need more medication or something. After six months of short-term use, it seems like they would be easing up more often.
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Forgive my English that is not my natural language. KROCK, I appreciate from your heart the great effort you have made to get here. And so many efforts to get to write your success story. It is very rewarding for those of us who are still in the abstinence syndrome.

I was also a victim of a detoxification center, they made me stop in 3 weeks benzoids and antidepressants that I took for 28 years, it seems that they have no idea of ​​abstinence from benzos.

After 6 months I still have the symptoms in the same intensity.

Take care of yourself.

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Forgive my English that is not my natural language. KROCK, I appreciate from your heart the great effort you have made to get here. And so many efforts to get to write your success story. It is very rewarding for those of us who are still in the abstinence syndrome.

I was also a victim of a detoxification center, they made me stop in 3 weeks benzoids and antidepressants that I took for 28 years, it seems that they have no idea of ​​abstinence from benzos.

After 6 months I still have the symptoms in the same intensity.

Take care of yourself.

 

I’m VERY sorry your still suffering. But if it makes you feel any better. I was still VERY sick at 6 months out. I blame a lot of that on the Detox Centers drug removal protocol. As in the CT. It totally fucked me up. AND the fact that I wasn’t very educated on how to taper off these drugs. I made a LOT of mistakes. I honestly NEVER thought in a MILLION years that those little pills could do so much damage to my body and life. As I’m sure is the case with you.

 

Your brain is fixing itself even though it doesn’t seem that way...it knows how to do it. Some heal quicker than others....but the end result is the same.

 

Had I not gone through this horrible nightmare....I would of never believed what I’m telling you. EVER!.

 

 

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Thanks for your success story I can't get enough of these! You mentioned a chat room here at one time has it been moved or shut down?

 

yes....it was shut down long ago. You will have your own sucess story to write .....just stay focused and push forward. You have what it takes.

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I needed to hear and see this!!! Awesome post. I’m almost five years off my airhunger is my worst symptom I feel death daily, bloated and love in fear so much my head shakes!! Gosh how inhumane this is! Hard to see from the suffering that we will get well!!! Thank you so much for posting this!!!!

 

rodeo69

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KROCK....thank you so much for your reply...it has helped ease my mind.  You are being so generous with your time to answer us all and with much detail....a voice from the “other side” with good news....gives us all strength to keep at it....wishing you along healthy life....

Thank you.....

Hugs Hoping

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  • 1 month later...

I love your success story! I hope you still doing well and enjoying life.

Can I ask you did you had a severe headache and if you head how long did it last ?

I'm 30 months out and still suffering with blinding headache. Losing hope

Vica

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  • 4 weeks later...

I love your success story! I hope you still doing well and enjoying life.

Can I ask you did you had a severe headache and if you head how long did it last ?

I'm 30 months out and still suffering with blinding headache. Losing hope

Vica

 

Yea....i had extreme headaches....my brain was REALLY fucked up...pardon my language. I had brain pains like i never felt before. I had doctors telling me i may have permanent brain damage. I was a total mess. I kept telling my self my brain is trying to reprogram its self now that its drug free. I did LOTS of self talking. I knew i never had any of these symptoms before withdrawl.....i was just praying and holding onto the hope that i wouldn't have them when it was over. Members here kept telling me it will pass with time. That's hard to hear when your in so much pain and thinking your gonna die. Time is your enemy when your watching the clock and counting the days.

 

What i can tell you is it WILL go away. It just slowly fades away. Some symptoms stick with people longer than others. Theres no rhyme or reason to any of this. If i can heal.....so can you. It does happen.....please believe. I wouldn't mislead on this journey. If i thought you were screwed or damaged forever...I would tell you to get use to the new you......but that isn't the case. The new you is coming.....be patient. You will smile again and be headache free. Promise.

 

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Well said. WD may be the hardest thing you ever did but BOY is it worth it!

Your are so right. It does gradually fade away. One day you will suddenly realize that a symptom that really bothered you has just gone away. Each person is different but I do believe we all heal from this mess.

 

Yes. The NEW YOU is coming but you just have to wait in order to find that wonderful new person! Nom BWD does not change your basic personality. If you were uptight about money before WD, that might still remain. If you were a social butterfly before, that might still remain. If you had childhood traumas, they will still be active in your brain. But you WILL see all of these things in a new way and that new way is pretty wonderful! I will give you a great example:

 

Before going CT of Klonapin, Ambien and two ADs, I didn't care a BIT about cleaning. Oh, I wiped down my kitchen and cleaned the kitty litter daily, but other than that, NOTHING. I don't think I owned a vacuum cleaner til I was 50!!!! I guess I used a broom? I truly do not remember now that I am 68. Well, something in me changed drastically during WD. I became QUITE OCD about cleaning. This was part of my personal therapy during the second year of WD. I started cleaning my own house, not easy when you have to use a walker to get around! But I just dug in and slowly began to learn HOW you clean. And when I finally did heal from psych drugs, I decided to start my own cleaning business. And here I am today, a Master House Cleaner!!!! Go figure.... The changes that came from getting off psych drugs was, for me, intense and very interesting. You may find something similar.

east

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Krock,

 

Congratulations on your healing!!  Thank you for posting a success story.  May I ask why you were prescribed the benzo and for how long did you take them?  Trying to maintain hope that healing and full recovery is possible.

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Hey KRock glad you healed did you ever had this symptom it’s like your abdomen muscles are really hard tight like someone poured  concrete into them.. if you did did you change diet to heal it just I’m 18 months cold turkey and this symptom has got worse not better this late out my diet is really bad so I think could be from that
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I am totally glued to your story.  It's wonderfully, brutally honest, raw and ultimately optimistic.  Your attitude is incredible.  I got more from reading this one thread, more sound advice, hope and optimism than anywhere.  Especially about the mind games the Benzo plays with you.  You just have to keep pushing past.  It's like living behind enemy lines and the enemy is yourself.  It seems the Benzo plays with ALL your vulnerabilities  - mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually.  It constantly mirrors my darkest fears all day, all night.  No rest.  Like demon haunted.  A one way ticket to hell.  Now I Know it is NOT a one way ticket.

 

Dude, Thanks

 

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Kroc,

 

Congratulations on your healing!!  Thank you for posting a success story.  May I ask why you were prescribed the benzo and for how long did you take them?  Trying to maintain hope that healing and full recovery is possible.

 

My doctor put me on Benzos.....he said it would help me cope with my 19 year old sister passing away suddenly. She died back in 2005 right before Christmas. I was having trouble sleeping .....working....and socializing after her sudden death. What i didn't realize is.....all of that was normal behavior and part of the natural grieving process. I never got to grieve naturally. I was medicated on Valium shortly after her death. My family doctor told me it would help make things normal again. So the story goes from there. What a mess it became.

 

I will tell you that all the feelings about my sisters death that the Valium suppressed came pouring out during my withdrawl. It never made those feelings go away or my life better. The feelings were hidden underneath the meds the whole time. I know now that there is a natural healing process you have to let your body go through when dealing with traumatic life experiences. You can medicate the feelings if you like.....but someday you will have to face them head on. There is no magic pill.

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