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General Anxiety Disorder was true Issue/Self medicating for years


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Hi Friends,

                  I have not been on this site for 14 months. Long story short, I took valium 20 mg for 16 years every night. I went cold turkey April 2021. For two weeks I did not sleep. I had many of the symptoms that many of you described so I won’t go into detail but here is what I experienced and in the hopes that it helps someone.

 

In hindsight, I was able to withdrawal fairly well. Within 30 days I was sleeping decently. What really through me for a loop was reading everyone else stories here and thinking it must be the same thing happening to me. Within months, I began to experience what I would later find out after 18 months of suffering extremely that what I had developed is General Anxiety Disorder. After many months of thinking I’m losing my mind slowly and progressively getting worse, my Psychiatrist diagnosed me with GAD and I was put on anti depressants. Reflecting back now, I have had an anxiety disorder that runs in my family since I was a kid. The valium was simply me self medicating for 16 years. GAD started gradually after stopping valium and increased toa  point where I could not work or function. I did not want to leave the house. I cried for no reason. I could not sleep. Headaches, dizziness, things seem to move in slow motion and I would have terrible violent thoughts of harming my wife. I learned later through a program you can find on amazon called “Attacking Anxiety and Depression” that these thoughts were simply the brain overloaded and is try to distract me from what was really the problem. Scary thoughts to say the least. I highly recommend this program. I have been on SSRIs now for 9 months and back to normal. They took about 3 months to full kick in.

 

I know this experience was the worse in life. I am grateful to friends who supported me when I thought I was going insane. God Bless, Blue moon

 

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So glad for you Bluemoon!!

What kind of antidepressant are you taking?  It’s so very hard to sort out what is recovery symptoms and what is not.  Are you saying that you think mostly you were experiencing an underlying disorder and not withdrawal symptoms?

Thank you for posting and I’m so very happy for you

Fire

 

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Hi Fire,

That’s exactly what I am saying. PAWS was not the issue. And being this forum confused me even more. It turns as a recovers alcoholic of 11 years that I learned that 50 percent of alcoholics have some sort of anxiety disorder. When I quit drinking I turned to benzo because it effect the same part of the brain as alcohol. You might even say benzos are like free dry alcohol. So for years my addiction to Valium was related to my disease of alcoholism. Now that I know what I know from the Fighting Anxiety and Depression CDs it is obvious that my entire family suffered from anxiety disorders. My mother had fear of driving freeway, my sister would start crying whenever she heard thunder storms, my mother is an alcoholic, both sister went therapy for many years. It’s generic but it’s all environmental. I’m taking Prozac. It works thank God!!! I’m also CBT through the CDs I purchased through Amazon. I could relate to 80 percent of I heard on the cds and that’s I know it’s not PAWS, it’s GAD and you can get better through specific instructions  on the CDs. Heck, it’s Amazon and if you don’t like the CDs return them for refund. The CDs even talk about GAD patients taking benzos to ease GAD. That was me. I do hope this helps. I know one thing for sure…I had to get better and I did. Terrifying experience…I thought I was going to lose job, marriage, life, everything. GAD is especially common among women and many people suffer from it for years without telling anyone. Most comforting was finding out I am not alone. I literally had to stop coming to this forum because it was causing my inherent  anxiety. GAD creeped on me after I stopped benzos and within 9 months it was full blown. None of the buddies here were experiencing my symptoms in the manner I was which was I felt fine for 30 days and terrible for 4 days which I thought were waves and windows but my waves became worse over time not less. Rarely anyone could relate. It was out of complete desperation that I turned Prozac which I wish I had done earlier. You see part of my anxiety was the thought of taking Prozac. After 14 months cold turkey, the doctor ordered Prozac and Ativan 2mg per day for easing me into Prozac side effects. Then weaned off antivan. It worked and I have my life back. Thank God for the scientists who created SSRIs. My hope is to continue the CBT and ease off Prozac eventually but I’m in no hurry. I feelno side effects and completely normal again with a clear understanding my issue is GAD not PAWS. God bless….I’ll stick around a few more days but honestly I do not plan on returning to this forum. I want to get on with my life and put this nightmare behind me. God Bless you all and I pray you all recover. Blue Moon

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Well BlueMoon, I can honestly say I’ve never been more confused.  Did you have burning tingling skin, nerve pain, twitching , etc.?  I find it incredibly hard to believe that an anxiety disorder is causing me this much misery.  It just feels like a very damaged CNS. I thought I was taken for a ride being prescribed benzos for 30 years and paying that costly price but now I can honestly say your story really has me wondering which end is up.  I pretty much bought into the theory as has so many including Dr. Jennifer Leigh that we should hold the course and we will come out the other side of this.  Btw I did try to take Lexapro again and it felt like throwing gasoline on a fire(in my brain) same with amitryptaline… … the risk of making myself worse with trying another antidepressant scares me.

We all definitely want relief!  Yesterday!  You have quite the story.  I’m so very happy that you’re feeling better.  I hope the rest of your life is with a clear sound mind that is at peace. I’m so glad you didn’t lose your family and job.  I feel like I’ve lost almost 3 years.

Take care of yourself

Fire

 

 

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I did have twitching for two months. First my right cheek, then right hand to left hand…then gone…no more…I had two big brain zaps etc like most but all that stopped within two months. The GAD started I can recall 3 months after cold turkey….in increments then really bad last June and July. It got so bad I told my wife how to access all our business bank accounts and withdrew 10K cash for her in case of emergency to have on hand in case her mother needed to come from Europe to comfort her. Gradually the Prozac worked with 3 months. I caught Covid and I think that slowed down the process of SSRI working full effect.

Suggestion: there is a test that you can take that will somewhat narrow down which SSRI is best for you. I tried Zoloft at first and it made thing worse! Find out if your relatives have take any anti depressants. There is a likelihood that if a particular anti depressant works on your relative it work on you. My sister had Prozac for years and it worked well for her. Doc said for some people it’s the opposite meaning Zoloft works for them and Prozac drove them deeper down. I know how terrifying it is to switch meds but if you find the right one it’s worth it!!  I know how awful this is being confused!! Maybe get the CDs from Amazon, take a listen and if doesn’t fit you return them. I pray you get better soon…I know how bad it got for me. Peace of mind is the most valuable asset to me now…my dear wife who stuck by me helpless..watching me go deeper into anxiety and depression, crying for me because she simply could not do anything for and me basically praying God takes care of her if I leave to stop her from watching me suffer….it was the worse experience of my life!!

 

 

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Sorry to keep asking you questions BlueMoon…. I can’t believe no one else is responding to your story.  Did you have periods where you felt okay before you started the Prozac?  Could it have possibly been a coincidence that you were going to get better in the time frame of the 3 months before the Prozac kicked in.  You said it took 3 months for the Prozac to work but was there any relief in those three months? Also why did they give you Ativan and for how long?  Can you feel joy and emotions again? 

Thank you for your patience in my questions.  As you can tell I’m very suspicious of psychiatric medications right now. 

Thanks Fire

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I just want to say congratulations. I am so happy that you were able to make to the other side and get your life back. I hope you enjoy every single minute of it.
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Sorry to keep asking you questions BlueMoon…. I can’t believe no one else is responding to your story.  Did you have periods where you felt okay before you started the Prozac? 

 

Ask as many questions as you want....I'll stick around until we are done  :) ....no one is responding probably because they are wondering themselves and this whole topic is scary as hell...I had periods of feeling ok roughly 30 days but then those 30 day increments became shorter and shorter....and the symptoms because worse. The big three that I was left with and thought was PAWS were Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia. God bless the people on this board they do the best they can though as I said be weary of this board as it in itself can be a source of anxiety....I had to stop and seek answers elsewhere...and yes, I did not take anti depressants for many months because I was told to hold on and it will pass and get better...the result was me suffering more than I need it to...In my case, I'm 100 percent sure I have GAD

 

 

 

 

Could it have possibly been a coincidence that you were going to get better in the time frame of the 3 months before the Prozac kicked in. 

 

Anything is possible but the proof is slowly the OC thoughts stopped, my sleep returned, I cried less and less until I don't cry anymore unless it is major life changing event....and these symptoms have not returned

 

You said it took 3 months for the Prozac to work but was there any relief in those three months?

 

Yes, it was "gradual" and then one day it was "suddenly"...I felt it working within a month of starting...by three months, I was back to myself.

 

 

Also why did they give you Ativan and for how long?

 

Two reasons - I needed help NOW because the anxiety was preventing from doing my jobs, social gatherings, etc and it provided relief immediately...lie I said I was on the verge of losing my jobs because of the intensity of GAD was worse and worse....Honestly thought I was losing my mind! Doctor increased dosage of prozac in the 3 month period and every time it was increased there was a period of adjustment that included heightened anxiety...I know it took a lot faith to take something that actually makes it worse the first month but I was at the end of rope....Ativan helped in this process of adjustment....when my sleep returned and the crying lessened...I pulled back from Ativan more and more....I used Propranolol 10 Mg Tablet to help with the withdrawals prescribed by my doctor....I don't trust doctors either!!! But this one got it right!!

 

  Can you feel joy and emotions again? 

 

YES!!! And laugh and joke!! My humor is back! We got a Golden doodle puppy and she brings us such joy every day! My God you simply asking reminds me how bad it was for me!!! I do pray you to get better Fire! I know the whole thing is a living hell  :'(

I can't emphasize enough how I only got better after I stopped coming to this board for answers. My biggest healing occurred away from this board...and even then it took months because I was too scared to try prozac...many around me were against it and this made me even more hesitant but in the end it was my last hope....Thank God it worked! I continue with CBT everyday and never take this peace of mind I have for granted.

 

Thank you for your patience in my questions.

 

You are very welcome  :) Get the CDs from The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety "Attacking Anxiety and Depression" amazon...use the CDs and the workbook...return it and refund if you feel you can not relate. The center has been around since 1983...they must be doing something right to still be active!

 

  As you can tell I’m very suspicious of psychiatric medications right now.

 

As you should be!  :thumbsup:

 

Thanks Fire

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I just want to say congratulations. I am so happy that you were able to make to the other side and get your life back. I hope you enjoy every single minute of it.

 

Thank you  :) :) :)

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Okay one final (I think) question.  How long were you on the Ativan and how long did you taper?  What mg.?  And how long have you been off the Ativan?

Again, thank you🙄

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Okay one final (I think) question.  How long were you on the Ativan and how long did you taper?

 

July 2022 reinstated under Doctor supervision after 14 months of zero intake. Started taper in October 2022 when my GAD symptoms improved by 80 percent from prozac....Cut back Ativan by .5 every two weeks...Propranolol 10 Mg Tablet to help with the withdrawals....

 

 

What mg.? 

At my peak I was 2.5 mg a day this last time....for many years before this last rodeo,  20mg of Valium to sleep each night...

 

And how long have you been off the Ativan?

January 27th, 2023 was last .5..

 

I'm not saying it was easy and I still have anxiety which is normal...but I know now the cause of it and people around me telling me its going to get better naturally when it was getting worse nearly ended me....Ultimately, I had to listen to myself and make my own decision  as to what's best for me....not anyone from BB, my wife or some friends who were urging me not to take SSRI....other friends were saying try it and when I realized how many people I knew that secretly took SSRIs I found that it still consider a taboo topic that most do not  like to admit.....we need to take the stigma away from mental health issues so more people don't feel alone, shame

 

Again, thank you🙄

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Bluemoon,

 

I'm so happy for you that you are feeling much better and enjoying things.  :thumbsup: It's kind of you to answers the questions and share your experience as each of us has our own path to walk as we can all learn from one another along the way. 

 

Thank you!

 

Helen

 

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Bluemoon,

 

I'm so happy for you that you are feeling much better and enjoying things.  :thumbsup: It's kind of you to answers the questions and share your experience as each of us has our own path to walk as we can all learn from one another along the way. 

 

Thank you!

 

Helen

 

 

Helen, Great to hear from you! Yes, it is hard to figure out what side is up when are brains aren't working properly. I believe in the "market place of ideas" and everyone choses which idea best makes sense to themselves. I'm so glad this nightmare is over!!!!! God Bless!!  8)

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Thank you so much Bluemoon for answering my never ending questions...I told Sage you are doing well.  She was so glad to here that and she said you helped her so much.  Anyway I still don’t know what to think.  I don’t think I could bear going back on a benzo so that I could tolerate an antidepressant.  But it’s not over yet.  My backstory is I was diagnosed with cancer at age 29 and was by myself to drive the distance home and when I got to my little town I was very upset and walked into my GP rather distraught and said I needed something to be able to go home to my children and family with the news.  Very fateful day needless to say…. But I can honestly say that no matter how upset I was in that moment, it was NOTHING like what I’m feeling now.  My skin didn’t crawl and all the other horrors.  I think that was normal anxiety. 

I so appreciate you sharing your journey.  It has given me something to think about.  I know you said you’re closing this chapter but I hope you check back in again and tell us how you’re doing.  I do take long spells away from BB mainly because I’m trying to pretend I’m still not feeling so badly. 

Again, wishing you every good thing and that precious peace of mind that we all want.

God bless you,

Fire

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Congratulations...I'm glad you're feeling better.

 

GAD and PAWS have a lot in common.  In fact, I was incorrectly diagnosed with GAD by my psychiatrist.  I avoided taking any ADs or other Rx drugs I was prescribed for GAD and slowly healed.  At 12 months off I was doing much better and was 100% healed by 24 months off.  My regular MD stopped seeing me and said he wouldn't see me again until I saw a psychiatrist, who, as I already said, incorrectly diagnosed me with GAD, and a few other psychiatric conditions that I no longer remember.  Her recommendation was 4 more Rx drugs, including one AD.  It was always Benzo WD for me.  Ashton recommends ADs for some who struggle with PAWS, so it's possible you had PAWs and the ADs helped alleviate symptoms while you healed?  I am throwing that out as most medical professionals will not recognize PAWS or Benzso WD.  Most don't even believe Benzo WD exists.  I was told by 6 different MDs and a psychiatrist that what I was experiencing was not Benzo WD, it couldn't be, because I was told the drugs were already out of my system.

 

Also, many medical professionals prescribe Benzos for GAD (see chart below).  Patients with generalized anxiety disorder experience worry or anxiety and a number of physical and psychologic symptoms. The disorder is frequently difficult to diagnose because of the variety of presentations and the common occurrence of comorbid medical or psychiatric conditions. The lifetime prevalence is approximately 4 to 6 percent in the general population and is more common in women than in men. It is often chronic, and patients with this disorder are more likely to be seen by family physicians than by psychiatrists. Treatment consists of pharmacotherapy and various forms of psychotherapy. The benzodiazepines are used for short-term treatment, but because of the frequently chronic nature of generalized anxiety disorder, they may need to be continued for months to years. Buspirone and antidepressants are also used for the pharmacologic management of patients with generalized anxiety disorder. Patients must receive an appropriate pharmacologic trial with dosage titrated to optimal levels as judged by the control of symptoms and the tolerance of side effects. Psychiatric consultation should be considered for patients who do not respond to an appropriate trial of pharmacotherapy.

 

Anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder and social phobia, are the most prevalent psychiatric disorders in the United States, and patients with these disorders are more likely to seek treatment from a primary care physician than from a psychiatrist. Patients with anxiety disorders are more likely than other patients to make frequent medical appointments, to undergo extensive diagnostic testing, to report their health as poor and to smoke cigarettes and abuse other substances.

 

Alprazolam (Xanax)         1 to 4 mg 0.25 to 0.5 mg four times daily

Chlordiazepoxide (Librium) 15 to 40 mg 5 to 10 mg three times daily

Clonazepam (Klonopin) 0.5 to 4.0 mg 0.5 to 1.0 mg twice daily

Clorazepate (Tranxene) 15 to 60 mg 7.5 to 15.0 mg twice daily

Diazepam (Valium) 6 to 40 mg 2 to 5 mg three times daily

Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 to 6 mg 0.5 to 1.0 mg three times daily

Oxazepam (Serax) 30 to 90 mg 15 to 30 mg three times daily

 

source:  https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2000/1001/p1591.html

 

For almost everyone on this forum, PAWS and WD were/are directly related to Benzo use only.

 

Live life to the fullest!  God Bless!

 

 

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Something to consider is: many people began taking benzos for anxiety yet during the brutality and suffering through w/d a lot develop coping skills they may not have had previously and can use that tool kit in and following recovery.

 

For example, I’m not only eating the cleanest diet ever and exercising like never before, but I have also become a professional in breathing exercises, creating boundaries in order to avoid any and all outside stress, Mindfulness is now my mantra; I meditate, journal, my home is clean as a whistle…..

 

Once I recover I will not only bring all of this with me it’s also become kind of natural, like muscle memory. I’m sure I will experience “regular-people “ anxiety but not only with this new Tool Kit, but the fact that it will pale to the terrorizing chemical benzo w/d anxiety we experience, I am pretty confident I will fare quite well 🙏 And hopefully many of you will too!!

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Yes, most develop coping skills.  I did.  I was very weak mentally when my WD started and became mentally strong over time...years to be exact!
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Blue moon:  I have those tapes! (CD’s).  I bought them around 1996.  They are very good.  I am glad you have found the medication that works for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi  Bluemoon2021,

 

I need your advice. I am now taking 0.06mg of Alprazolam at night. Came from 0.125mg 3x a day last October 2022, for Panic Attacks during sleep after Traumatic Life Event.

 

(Failed to onboard Laxapro and stopped Lexapro Dec. 15, 2022).

 

Now onboarding Prozac 15mg, started from lower doses. I Hope I can go to 20mg, I have difficulty. Maybe my benzo is too low to onboard Prozac?

 

I am not sure if my symptoms now are withdrawal from Alpra or Prozac onboarding. Some anxiety, feet figget, faster heart rate, palpitations, some insomnia, left foot muscle twitch.

 

Half functioning now. anxiety/depression. Have difficulty enjoying even fave youtube videos.

 

I plan to stay on 0.06mg or lower (1/4 of 0.25mg tablet) Xanax for a few more weeks/months til the Prozac takes time to work. I hope Prozac works! I still wanna live, for me and my family.

 

THANKS.

 

 

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