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Five years later. . .


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Hello Friends:

 

    Early last month I reached a milestone fifth year post-benzo anniversary.  I just wanted to report that I am doing very well.  I was on klonopin for thirteen years, and had a very difficult and protracted withdrawal.  The first year was an absolute nightmare, but my recovery got progressively better after that. 

 

    The most stubborn of my symptoms was tinnitus, but thankfully I have not been troubled by that for over a year.  Over time my sleep habits have returned to normal, and I average 6 - 7 hours per night.  I still do not dream much, but having suffered with insomnia for months on end, I am okay with that.  I have regained the 40lbs I lost during withdrawal, and am keeping fit.  Aches, pains, twitches and tremors are gone.  I feel reborn. 

 

    My cognitive functioning is pretty much pre-benzo, now.  I was really terrified that I'd never be the same as I was, as at my worst, I could not read, and forgot how to spell simple words.  I couldn't even follow what was going on, on a television screen, for that matter.  Forget about driving.  I would get lost only a few blocks from my home.

 

    The reason I am writing this is to offer hope to anyone that is deep in despair over their symptoms, and afraid they will never recover.  Given time, you will heal.  Don't give up. 

 

This is Joe, over and out. . .

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Joe...over is "Over to you" and out is "end", lol, or so I was taught...And I don't want you to "end" your transmission!

You are a breath of fresh air and are so inspirational!  Thank you for listing your wonderful healing of symptoms!

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Hi BrooklynJoe,

 

It's always wonderful to hear back from members who have healed, your posts give so much hope to our members. I'm 5 years off as well and loving life also. 

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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I'm so happy to hear that you're doing well, Joe!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

Only those who have gone through benzo wd can understand, unfortunately, how very difficult it is cognitively and every other way.

 

Glad you're feeling reborn, and thanks so much for coming back and writing your story!!!

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Awesome joe! What was your recovery like in progression. 0-6 months etc. im curious as i am suffering so much 8 months out. When did you fully heal?
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Hello Friends:

 

    Early last month I reached a milestone fifth year post-benzo anniversary.  I just wanted to report that I am doing very well.  I was on klonopin for thirteen years, and had a very difficult and protracted withdrawal.  The first year was an absolute nightmare, but my recovery got progressively better after that. 

 

    The most stubborn of my symptoms was tinnitus, but thankfully I have not been troubled by that for over a year.  Over time my sleep habits have returned to normal, and I average 6 - 7 hours per night.  I still do not dream much, but having suffered with insomnia for months on end, I am okay with that.  I have regained the 40lbs I lost during withdrawal, and am keeping fit.  Aches, pains, twitches and tremors are gone.  I feel reborn. 

 

  My cognitive functioning is pretty much pre-benzo, now.   I was really terrified that I'd never be the same as I was, as at my worst, I could not read, and forgot how to spell simple words.  I couldn't even follow what was going on, on a television screen, for that matter.  Forget about driving.  I would get lost only a few blocks from my home.

 

    The reason I am writing this is to offer hope to anyone that is deep in despair over their symptoms, and afraid they will never recover.  Given time, you will heal.  Don't give up. 

 

This is Joe, over and out. . .

 

The part I bolded is exactly where I'm at! At what point did you feel this let up?

Thank you for coming back.  Your story is a great glimmer of hope in a time of needed hope.

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  My cognitive functioning is pretty much pre-benzo, now.   I was really terrified that I'd never be the same as I was, as at my worst, I could not read, and forgot how to spell simple words.  I couldn't even follow what was going on, on a television screen, for that matter.  Forget about driving.  I would get lost only a few blocks from my home.

   

The part I bolded is exactly where I'm at! At what point did you feel this let up?

Thank you for coming back.  Your story is a great glimmer of hope in a time of needed hope.

 

It's really hard for me to pinpoint a time when I felt as though my cognitive functioning dramatically improved.  In fact, the return to what I consider to be normalcy, was so gradual, as to almost go unnoticed.  Certainly within the first year I began to recover my vocabulary.  It wasn't so much that it was lost.  It's more that my brain was functioning so slowly, and there were so many distractions from the numerous symptoms I was experiencing, that my thought process was severely impacted.  Imagine all four cores of a CPU continuously loaded to 100%. . . the system crawls.  It eventually accomplishes the task, but seeming at a snail's pace.  In conversation, this meant that nothing I would say could be spontaneous.  I would start a sentence, but lose my train of thought while I was searching my vocabulary for just the right word.  It was right there at the tip of my tongue, but I literally had to pry it out.  What was frustrating is that people would try to complete my sentences for me.  I felt like an idiot, and that created more stress.  Reading a post on the forum was a chore.  I kept re-reading the same line over and over until I could make sense of it.  Meanwhile I'd forget what I read two or three lines before.  It took ages to read a paragraph.  Again, I'd say I was much better able to comprehend what I was reading about a year into my recovery.  As for driving, that ability came back quickly.  The major problems I was having were DP/DR.  I felt more like the passenger than the driver, which is frightening.  Loss of night vision was another major problem.  The pupils of my eyes were always constricted, even in a dimly lit room, making my vision dim.  Three maybe four months for the DP/DR to wane.  I had vision issues until about the third year, but I am okay now, except for a cluster of really prominent floaters in my left eye that spontaneously appeared while I was tapering.  I have learned to ignore them for the most part. 

 

I hope I answered your questions.  Thanks for your comments, and I wish you the best in your recovery.

 

Joe

 

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Congratulations and thank you for your story Joe, it will bring hope to members.  I am so pleased you are doing well and I hope life keeps getting better and better for you.

 

Magrita :smitten:

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Hello Friends:

 

    Early last month I reached a milestone fifth year post-benzo anniversary.  I just wanted to report that I am doing very well.  I was on klonopin for thirteen years, and had a very difficult and protracted withdrawal.  The first year was an absolute nightmare, but my recovery got progressively better after that. 

 

    The most stubborn of my symptoms was tinnitus, but thankfully I have not been troubled by that for over a year.  Over time my sleep habits have returned to normal, and I average 6 - 7 hours per night.  I still do not dream much, but having suffered with insomnia for months on end, I am okay with that.  I have regained the 40lbs I lost during withdrawal, and am keeping fit.  Aches, pains, twitches and tremors are gone.  I feel reborn. 

 

    My cognitive functioning is pretty much pre-benzo, now.  I was really terrified that I'd never be the same as I was, as at my worst, I could not read, and forgot how to spell simple words.  I couldn't even follow what was going on, on a television screen, for that matter.  Forget about driving.  I would get lost only a few blocks from my home.

 

    The reason I am writing this is to offer hope to anyone that is deep in despair over their symptoms, and afraid they will never recover.  Given time, you will heal.  Don't give up. 

 

This is Joe, over and out. . .

 

Brooklyn Joe that was a nice post !! Could relate a lot from yours. I hope that when I will be 4/5 years out I will feel (90-95%) normal again.

 

The only symptoms left are insomnia (difficulty to fall asleep or to sleep more than 5/6 hours on average. Though I used to slept 7hours on average a few months ago which is weird. Maybe a set back I don't know.)

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Hi Joe

 

Thank you so much for your inspiring story.

It's so helpful to read this and I wish you all the best for the future.

Thank you once again!

 

Lib  :thumbsup:

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So so happy for you! I am at 3 months out of a cold turkey and I really needed to see some

Hope! I've been horrible lately. Not seeing much improvement at all. No sleep ever. And so paranoid! Thanks for this!!

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Thank you for coming back and letting us know that you are doing well.

 

When did you notice a real turning point in your cognitive abilities? This symptom is a real issue for me and although I can say I have seen improvement, part of me thinks I will be left mentally slower than I was before all this. Driving has been a problem for me as well and I only take the car out on days where I feel a little more clear headed. It's like my reaction time is just too slow for all the movement around me.

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Thank you for coming back and letting us know that you are doing well.

 

When did you notice a real turning point in your cognitive abilities? This symptom is a real issue for me and although I can say I have seen improvement, part of me thinks I will be left mentally slower than I was before all this. Driving has been a problem for me as well and I only take the car out on days where I feel a little more clear headed. It's like my reaction time is just too slow for all the movement around me.

 

Hi Ecletic. . .

 

I replied earlier to another buddy who asked almost the exact same question.  I'm pasting it below:

 

It's really hard for me to pinpoint a time when I felt as though my cognitive functioning dramatically improved.  In fact, the return to what I consider to be normalcy, was so gradual, as to almost go unnoticed.  Certainly within the first year I began to recover my vocabulary.  It wasn't so much that it was lost.  It's more that my brain was functioning so slowly, and there were so many distractions from the numerous symptoms I was experiencing, that my thought process was severely impacted.  Imagine all four cores of a CPU continuously loaded to 100%. . . the system crawls.  It eventually accomplishes the task, but seeming at a snail's pace.  In conversation, this meant that nothing I would say could be spontaneous.  I would start a sentence, but lose my train of thought while I was searching my vocabulary for just the right word.  It was right there at the tip of my tongue, but I literally had to pry it out.  What was frustrating is that people would try to complete my sentences for me.  I felt like an idiot, and that created more stress.  Reading a post on the forum was a chore.  I kept re-reading the same line over and over until I could make sense of it.  Meanwhile I'd forget what I read two or three lines before.  It took ages to read a paragraph.  Again, I'd say I was much better able to comprehend what I was reading about a year into my recovery.  As for driving, that ability came back quickly.  The major problems I was having were DP/DR.  I felt more like the passenger than the driver, which is frightening.  Loss of night vision was another major problem.  The pupils of my eyes were always constricted, even in a dimly lit room, making my vision dim.  Three maybe four months for the DP/DR to wane.  I had vision issues until about the third year, but I am okay now, except for a cluster of really prominent floaters in my left eye that spontaneously appeared while I was tapering.  I have learned to ignore them for the most part.

 

I hope I answered your questions.  Thanks for your comments, and I wish you the best in your recovery.

 

Joe

 

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Thank you for coming back and letting us know that you are doing well.

 

When did you notice a real turning point in your cognitive abilities? This symptom is a real issue for me and although I can say I have seen improvement, part of me thinks I will be left mentally slower than I was before all this. Driving has been a problem for me as well and I only take the car out on days where I feel a little more clear headed. It's like my reaction time is just too slow for all the movement around me.

 

Hi Ecletic. . .

 

I replied earlier to another buddy who asked almost the exact same question.  I'm pasting it below:

 

It's really hard for me to pinpoint a time when I felt as though my cognitive functioning dramatically improved.  In fact, the return to what I consider to be normalcy, was so gradual, as to almost go unnoticed.  Certainly within the first year I began to recover my vocabulary.  It wasn't so much that it was lost.  It's more that my brain was functioning so slowly, and there were so many distractions from the numerous symptoms I was experiencing, that my thought process was severely impacted.  Imagine all four cores of a CPU continuously loaded to 100%. . . the system crawls.  It eventually accomplishes the task, but seeming at a snail's pace.  In conversation, this meant that nothing I would say could be spontaneous.  I would start a sentence, but lose my train of thought while I was searching my vocabulary for just the right word.  It was right there at the tip of my tongue, but I literally had to pry it out.  What was frustrating is that people would try to complete my sentences for me.  I felt like an idiot, and that created more stress.  Reading a post on the forum was a chore.  I kept re-reading the same line over and over until I could make sense of it.  Meanwhile I'd forget what I read two or three lines before.  It took ages to read a paragraph.  Again, I'd say I was much better able to comprehend what I was reading about a year into my recovery.  As for driving, that ability came back quickly.  The major problems I was having were DP/DR.  I felt more like the passenger than the driver, which is frightening.  Loss of night vision was another major problem.  The pupils of my eyes were always constricted, even in a dimly lit room, making my vision dim.  Three maybe four months for the DP/DR to wane.  I had vision issues until about the third year, but I am okay now, except for a cluster of really prominent floaters in my left eye that spontaneously appeared while I was tapering.  I have learned to ignore them for the most part.

 

I hope I answered your questions.  Thanks for your comments, and I wish you the best in your recovery.

 

Joe

 

Hey Joe, I was the one who asked the original question.  I appreciate you taking the time to write all that cause we all know that your time can be well spent moving on as you are recovered now :thumbsup:  I'm so punch drunk happy(is that even an expression. stupid brain) to hear that all the information is still stored in the brain rather than lost in the ether.  Your analogy of the cores of a CPU running 100% makes sense.  I recently had a test done on my brain and it showed certain areas of the brain not functioning correctly.  I'll have to update my post on that.  But like a CPU it takes interconnected parts to run and my parts are not running.  I still have issues with reading as I feel my brain and eyes needing to rewind back.  It sounds like a dream to have DP/DR for just a couple months.  This has plagued me nonstop ever since the beginning.  You are truly lucky to be out of this and wish you a beautiful life ahead!!

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You gave me hope. Thank you so much! I'm glad you made it to complete recovery. My only remaining symptom is now tinnitus but it is so hard to believe that it will be gone one day as it gets worse and worse even I'm 8 mos in my w/d now..
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Joe, I like to ask ppl. who recover a certain question.  Do you or did you have good support while going through withdrawal?  Financial, personal, good living conditions, etc.  You don't have to answer, but I do like to ask.  Are you younger or older? 
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Joe, I like to ask ppl. who recover a certain question.  Do you or did you have good support while going through withdrawal?  Financial, personal, good living conditions, etc.  You don't have to answer, but I do like to ask.  Are you younger or older?

 

Hi B. 

 

Outside of my wife, I really didn't have much support at all.  Don't get me wrong.  She was great, but over time I could see it wearing on her, too.  The months when I was suffering from insomnia were especially hard on her, mainly because I would have many episodes of hypnic jerks throughout the night, and would bolt upright each time, disturbing her sleep.  When I was asleep my body would vibrate so much that she could hear and feel it in the mattress.  I spent a lot of nights lying awake on the couch.

 

My family just did not understand what was happening to me.  The friends I confided in were horrified, and shied away.  I alienated myself, and it was a very lonely time.  I walked a lot, by myself, in daylight and darkness, because I could not keep still. 

 

Financially, we were okay, and living in our own home.  No problems there.  When I realized something was drastically wrong, I was 49. 

 

HTH,

Joe

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