Dealing with brain "trickery"?

What do other people do when they know that their terribly depressed, anxious and generally catastrophic  thoughts are coming from WD but feel like they are being overpowered by the deception of their brain? I am having a huge problem with this as I am closing in on completing my taper. The rational part of me is still hanging in there for dear life because I am so close to the end, but since this has been going on for months now, I feel like my will is breaking to the mental trickery of withdrawal. I feel like as each day goes by I am getting more and more brainwashed into believing that the consistent terrible thoughts and feelings occuring in my WD state are actually reality. I don't want to believe this nonsense but sometimes it feels like I am being posessed and it's very scary.  I really don't want to lose all my hope right at the tail end of this terrible journey  :'(  Can anyone relate to this at all?

Hi, pheonix. Welcome to Benzo Buddies.  Sorry you have to be here but glad you found this caring group of people to support you through withdrawal.

 

Apparently the depression and intrusive thoughts are giving you the most trouble now.  I have read posts from several member, including a few moderators, who are dealing with this so I feel sure you will get some suggestions.  Do you have support from family or friends as you go through this?  Many times they can't understand and just want us to "get over it" which is why sharing your feelings with the folks here may help.

 

While you are waiting or more replies, poke around the forum a bit or use the search function for "depression" posts.  The link in the upper right "Show unread posts since last visit" will show you posts with the last ones listed first or you can use the one under it if you just want to check on posts to your thread.  Someone recently started a Bood Recommendations thread which might have some good suggestions.

 

BTW, what benzo are you tapering off of and where do you stand now?

Hey Phoenix, I am fairly new to this place but so far I like it. Man do I know exactly what your going through. I feel like I have been dealing with a brain out of control, magical thinking, thoughts that just will not stop. I wake up totally depressed and takes everything for me to go to work. I could go on and on. So far I am getting a lot of support from BBs and its great. I know its difficult, my wife just expects me to just get a grip. Just a quick note, I just came off 0.5mg of kolonopin that my doctor had me come off to fast and sent me into a world of hurt, and Im still there. My wife wants me to come down stairs and help cook dinner, she just doesnt understand. She says she does but she doesnt. I know its difficult for her but she has no clue of whats going on in my head. I think we are  in a good place. Together with the help of the great people on this board. we will win.

 

Waltor

Oh I'm sorry. I should have explained my taper details. After failing at about 3 small dry cut tapers I realized that the dry cut route would not work and started a Valium crossover taper back in January. I went from 2 total mg of Klonopin and Xanax daily for 9 years all the way over to 50mg of Valium. Now I am down to the last 2.5 mgs! It has been really brutal because the truth is, I don't have any friends (yeah, I know that's kinda weird but I am working on it), my family knows about this but is not really very supportive (they are more annoyed at my moodiness than anything else) , and I am in college full-time, so I am doing this while struggling to get all my schoolwork done. I have really been shouldering this by myself until now. guess I am proud at what I have achieved without really any help and I am somewhat excited at the prospect of finally being benzo free very soon, but now that I am in the home stretch, my brain is stepping up the depression and anxiety to an awesome degree. And it's so much to bear that I don't want to end up breaking at the last minute. I want to believe that this "final battle" will be worth it, but my opponent is really intimidating me into believing it won't do any good and it's all pointless and everything is frightening and horrible etc. etc. I don't want to listen but, my goodness, how does one fight their own deceptive mind?? 

Anyway, thanks very much for the reply. I appreciate it. I will look over the posts.

 

You should be proud of yourself, pheonix!  From 50mg to 2.5mg by yourself!!! I don't think I could have done it. And in college, too.  You must be one tough cookie.

 

BTW, I forgot to mention the Success Stories. It's a new board so there are only about 1/2 dozen entries of people who have been off more than a year and are doing well.  Some of the stories are quite harrowing and puts my own complaints into perspective. Here's the llink:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=89.0