My relationship with antidepressants

... stretches back 12 years, now.

 

I was on Zoloft 100 mg for years before switching to Celexa about one year ago.

 

Well... I was asked to post this, even though I am not exactly "enthusiastic" ...lol about doing so, but ok Dena. For you.

 

So, bottom line is that I just don't know if I need an AD. I do know that if I had the choice now, I would never start one. Back in '94 I'd just lost my Dad, I was in the height of my alcoholism, and things were just in a state of upheaval.

 

So I happily jumped onboard with Zoloft, and strangely enough after several months of taking it, was able to stop drinking after almost ten years of really out-of-control, deadly alcoholism.

 

For the next several years, I enjoyed a vast period of sobriety, regular work, and healing from my father's passing.

 

So you see? See how complicated it is? How am *I* to know that SSRIs didn't save my damned life by somehow enabling me to quit drinking?? I don't know.

 

Well, cut to today, and I can tell you all that I have tried, many times now to quit these drugs. Sometimes slow, probably other times, too fast--but each time I have encountered a distinct depression unlike any I've ever have known before.

 

Therefore, yes, I do attribute the depression to discontinuation syndrome and *not* a so-called "return" of endogenous depression.

 

Truth be known, I began them for all the wrong reasons. One, I was an alcoholic wishing to escape the reality of some very unpleasant life circumstances; and two of course, I was in bereavement over my father's death from lung-cancer.

 

I wanted them for all the wrong reasons, and doctors were only too eager to begin scratching them out on Rx pads. So, definitely, i do feel doctors hand these things out far too easily and too frequently and if I could do it all over again, I might well not have started.

 

But today? Well... I'm pretty darned happy at present. And I'm succeeding beautifully in staying off benzos. So I'm just in no hurry whatsoever to start monkeying around with my Celexa 40 per day! There's just too much unknown here for me to *willfully* begin upsetting the applecart.

 

i'm in no hurry, i can wait~

 

Ten

Hi Ten,

Thank you for taking your time to share your story with us..... 

Congratulations Ten for staying sober for all these years...that's awesome....proud of you...

I personnaly think that you had good reasons to be on antidepressant...painful situations..I would have done the same..... you already know about me and lexapro....I've used it twice so far,in2003 for one year and a half for extreme anxiety and mild depression,and in October of 2006 for 2 reasons,one I had this horrible vertigo attack and was diagnosed with BPPV which caused me an anxierty flare up and second reason was that I desperatly wanted to do a cosmetic surgery and kept on postponing because of my anxiety....finally was able to do it in DEC 13 2006 and now I am off of lexapro...it's been 2 months...I just weaned off very very slowly like the first time and did great.....I was taking 10 mg pills lexapro,and I asked my Dr to switch to liquid lexapro...which.was much easier to cut down ..and as you know I am taking klonopin as needed....well bottom line is that you are doing good right now and like you said you are not in a hurry.....let's enjoy life.......right? cause life is too short.. :'(

Thank you again...

Micha

 

 

 

Ten,

 

Finally I get a brief peek into your world.

Well thank you 

 

First I have lived with an alcoholic of the severest kind for most of my teenage years, but she now has 18 years sober under her belt.

 

I have been through her sobriety and continue to, point being, i REALLY know about it and how difficult that is to stop, change your life around. Each day she is sober i see happiness. I read it in your words although they may be masking the depression. You get good at doing that.

 

When you wrote your relationship with A/D'S could you not see that when Zoloft (Horrible drug) appeared in your life, it started taking on a more positive role in your life. Play the  "what if"  game with yourself, if you had not taken Zoloft, "What if I then......

 

In my humble opinion you would be 6 feet under.

In my humble opinion the Zoloft saved you.

 

Perhaps as your life started mending, a more concerted effort could have been made to get of the A/D, I cannot say your life would have been much better as you switch to present day, because like you, i have a very strong relationship with my medication.

 

Did you repeatedly try and get of Zoloft after a year or so?

 

" I began them for all the wrong reasons. One I was an alcoholic wishing  to escape the reality of some very unpleasant life circumstances : and two of course, I was in bereavement......."  Quote:Ten

 

Perhaps you should cut yourself a little slack, that's quite a bit for anyone to handle, if the A/D helped you, then it helped - period.

 

I am in total agreement that doctors are so keen to endorse this type of medication even if you just have the blues. I am ashamed to say I'm on 2 and i don't know which does what to my brain.

 

You sound happy Ten and I think your username is quite apt and suits you as the character you are.

 

Agreed don't mess with a good thing if it helps you "live" a normal life.And time is on your side.

 

 

Congratulations on your ten years of sobriety

 

Congratulations being benzo free.

 

Thanks for sharing it helps.

 

Dena

 

 

Why, those are the two sweetest replies. :) Micha, thank you for the feedback.

 

In my humble opinion you would be 6 feet under.

In my humble opinion the Zoloft saved you.

 

Could be... could be. I mean... it's like you said; I look back now and..... what changed? what changed for me to suddenly be able to stop drinking? The Zoloft. That was the only big change in my life concurrent with being able to stop.

 

Did you repeatedly try and get of Zoloft after a year or so?

 

Ohh, I did! Trust me, I resisted becoming dependent upon that stuff in every little way I knew how; like, I would take only half the dose in an effort to prevent "having to need it." lol Oh, I was very confused about what I wanted back then! lol But--I was also quite knowledgeable (apparently) of the implications of becoming dependent on it.

 

Eventually, I think I kinda "gave up," said to hell with it, and accepted the 'full medicine'. Ahh, but the rest is history--I truly flourished during the 90s.

 

Very interesting cruising memory lane like this!

 

" I began them for all the wrong reasons. One I was an alcoholic wishing  to escape the reality of some very unpleasant life circumstances : and two of course, I was in bereavement......."  Quote:Ten

 

Perhaps you should cut yourself a little slack, that's quite a bit for anyone to handle, if the A/D helped you, then it helped - period.

 

I am in total agreement that doctors are so keen to endorse this type of medication even if you just have the blues. I am ashamed to say I'm on 2 and i don't know which does what to my brain.

 

You sound happy Ten and I think your username is quite apt and suits you as the character you are.

 

Agreed don't mess with a good thing if it helps you "live" a normal life.And time is on your side.

 

 

Congratulations on your ten years of sobriety

 

Congratulations being benzo free.

 

Thanks for sharing it helps.

 

Dena

 

Daaaamn! What a great post. Both good posts! I enjoyed every word, ladies...

 

thank you

Hey Ten 

 

In amongst my post to you, i told you i had lived with an alcoholic who is 18 years sober now, i wanted to make the point that as soon as she stopped drinking she was put on an anti depressant called "Trypillene" (Spelling???) and she has been on them ever since.

 

She says if she stops shes going to get into some serious trouble with anxiety and the old pal depression. They have helped her - period. I'd rather have her sober on an a/d than the other version.

 

Okie dokie

Dena

Trepiline, maybe? It's amitriptyline, commonly known as Elavil here in the states. (Haha, funny that you forgot that part!) Yup, antidepressant... very interesting indeed, Dena.

I am in no way endorsing these drugs , if you look at my blog you will see what a pickle i am in with them. Plus tag along drugs.

 

I do believe that they can benefit a minority of people who really do need them.

They are not to be messed around with Willy nilly.

See a doctor if you have significant signs of "more than the blues"

And some one told me ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!! Ask your doctor a whole hell of a bunch.

 

Yes Ten i am pretty sure that's what she takes....it's my mother btw.

Is seroquel the devils drug?

 

I am on 100mg at night but due to stress i was put on 225 mg for three months and then back to 100mg only.....is this right? to just stop the extra after 3months cold?

 

Just wondering

Any thoughts would be welcomed

Dena, hi...

 

Gosh, ya know.... This Seroquel stuff... I just don't know much about it. I can tell you "it's a novel antipsychotic/neuroleptic," but shoot that doesn't mean much when it comes to experience--and I have never been on that type of med.

 

Let's see... I know it is used for sleep--though as an "off-label" use. It has a couple of other off-label uses as well.

 

Don't ever let members of the public--laymen--tell you that it is universally baaaad. I mean, people see "neruoleptic" and they freak. Start telling you horror stories of acquired tardive dyskenesia and stuff.

 

I say (and hey, this is my thread... lol!) don't let anybody who hasn't put in the eight to twelve years of very specialized education and internship, tell you to stop something that may be doing you good.

 

"Is Seroquel the devil's drug"... Hmm, so what makes you ask?

 

I'm here.

 

Ten

 

 

From my other threads i can see that people had a problem with the drug. i have no idea what you are talking about...neurolepic? and all the others.

 

I seem to have viewed it as the devil's drug. But I'm very misguided as he has plenty more.

 

How can you up a dose by 125mg over 3 months and then stop it dead? no w/d? ct?

 

anyone?

lol - i'm certainly open to instruction, too Dena

 

Colin? Therese? anyone?

Hi, Dena,

 

Is there a pharmacist you can call? That is where I would start. It doesn't have to be your own pharmacist--any pharmacist will do. Drugs are their specialty. They know even more than the doctors (ha ha, sometimes that's not hard). Just look through the Yellow Pages and call a few pharmacists and ask them your question. They're happy to help.

 

I don't have a lot of experience with Seroquel, but I'm wary of it because it seems to affect a whole host of neurotransmitters in the body. One pharmacist told me that they don't really even understand how it works, yet it is being prescribed for many off-label things. I believe it was originally created to help people who have schizophrenia. When you have schizophrenia, I believe you are prescribed very large doses, like 800 mg or so. The off-label uses are at a much lower dosage, as you have seen.

 

A lot of my concern with Seroquel has come from reading a book by Peter Breggin, who is a psychiatrist that doesn't use any drugs in his practice. His opinion is that the antipsychotics, of which Seroquel is one, are the most risky of the mood-altering drugs as far as serious (permanent) side effects go. He's not big on regular a/d's either, but my impression after reading his book is that regular a/d's are safer than the antipsychotics.

 

Not sure if this helps or if it just muddies the waters. But I will say that out of all the drugs you are on, Dena, Seroquel is probably the one that will most affect your taper.

 

T.

They know even more than the doctors (ha ha, sometimes that's not hard).

 

Ain't that the truth. Thanks for the helpful post, Therese!

I do want to clarify one thing... Although Breggin doesn't believe in any type of drugs for emotional problems, I don't mean to push that route either. I just mention that bit of info because it tells you what direction Breggin was coming from when he wrote his book.

 

I seem to have viewed it as the devil's drug. But I'm very misguided as he has plenty more.

 

How can you up a dose by 125mg over 3 months and then stop it dead? no w/d? ct?

 

anyone?

 

for some reason I think of it as the worst drug ever too! maybe because of the diabetes law suite AstraZeneca got slapped with (your dose is too low for that) or that single dose I took 4 years ago that knocked me out for like 2 days straight.  I could use that kind of sleep tonight.

 

generally speaking with any med it's not a good idea not to taper slowly to a lower dose, but I'm not gonna pretend I'm some Seroquel expert

 

http://www.crazymeds.org/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?board=seroquel

 

 

 

doctors just love to drug - if you have a symptom they don't even think about fixing it - they don't know how - they just cover it up.

 

however - i don't know how close to the edge anyone is - so my feelings are my feelings and not professional.  i know a lot of pain went away when i got of tegrotal - but now they are back in spades that i am getting off adivan - but i have a tens unit so that should help.

 

about sleep - i find b-complex in its natural form a big help - natural not being pharmaceutical but the real pill - i take a big one - they should spell when you open the bottle and some warm milk with ovaltine - if that doesn't work i stay up all night and crash early the next evening - if that doesn't work don't know what i would do.

doctors just love to drug

 

And ain't that the gospel truth.

 

Ok, update time from Ten. I'm all over the place. I am scattered and beset with *both* antidepressant and benzos issues.

 

Hugs to (((micha))) for checking on me thru e-mail regularly, and I mean continually (she's one of the most TENACIOUS web pals I've ever met!!!)

 

And this, right when the holiday season has started, although I've a feeling that pain is pain: There is no "ideal time" to be missing out on lifes joys...

 

I have to run. I will talk more this evening.

Wow. I'm cycling. One minute I'm ok, the next I'm ...

 

The best way to put it is mourning. For awhile, I'm fine, then I'm dwelling on all the deficits in my life: I MOURN for my life up to now; things which I never experiened. Loves I've never had. Loves I've lost.

 

And I never rode a horse.

 

lol... That sounds funny, but two things I always wanted to do was ride a horse and hang-glide.

 

Next month I'll 44 and I sense that I'm in that last quarter of my life rather than the last half.

 

The worst by far when I get this way, is I feel that the best is all behind me now.

 

Nope, just don't think the  Celexa is 'working' - i dont know what to do

 

I'm afraid of "pill jockeying," as I call I it, yet I think if I stay where I am now--or definietely if I taper off all drugs althogether, I'll just brood and mourn and brood and mourn more.

Ten,

 

I think you should ride a horse and hang glide.  Maybe if you do those two things, you will have some better life experiences to reflect on.  Hey, if you were here, I'd ride a horse with you.  As for hang gliding (I'm a big chicken).

 

Hang in there Ten. 

ten if you go para sailing it isn't quite as challenging - and if you use a real real real real long rope - i mean real long you can get that floaty gliddy feeling.

 

i used to ride horses a lot but it is hard to find places these days - so make this your mission - ride a mechanical bull - man you won't regret it - it is absolutely wild - go ahead raise one had in the air and hoot - you only go around once.

 

but ya know there is no age limit to having fun.

 

i have spent most of my life regretting things - feeling less then - but i am so much older now and i pretty much do what i want when i want - now i ain't rich - just determined.

 

there is time - no hurry - get work on getting centered.

if you use a real real real real long rope - i mean real long you can get that floaty gliddy feeling.

 

Now look people. I ain't interested in riding no darned bulls or becoming... some, some human KITE. lol.... lol

 

I just wanted to get this depression stabilized, then we can... go hiking or whatever.

 

And NO I'm not base-jumping so you FORGET IT!

 

i have spent most of my life regretting things - feeling less then - but i am so much older now and i pretty much do what i want when i want - now i ain't rich - just determined.

 

Thank you for that Silver. And the "there is time - no hurry - get work on getting centered." Very helpful mentality.

Well, I am switching (back) to Zoloft, from almost a year ago starting tomorrow. This Celexa is like some kind of pill from hell that makes me you cycle.

 

You know, bipar. My God I've never been bipar in life.

ten i took off like a rocket on zoloft - i took it only when i was in a deep slump and stopped it when i took off.

 

sometimes depression can be treated thru therapy - sometimes it is a reflection of a life event - sometimes it is chemical.

 

i have tried many different antidepressants - some are very binding - some make you crazy - celexa worked best for me - but if it doesn't work for you then it is no good.

 

there is a lot of pressure in life - in fact it could be classified as depressing - for me it requires a more positive attitude based on something real - that will be my next assignment and most likely the most difficult.

My acute depression is chemically induced by benzo withdrawal.  Your brain will reset

itself, but it takes time.  Don't poison it further.  I find my depression will lift for no other reason then my system recovering from benzo use.  It's the PILLS that are

causing your depression.  After all, don't most A/D's say side effects are depresssion

and suicide.   Don't be fooled into the BIG Pharmas trap. 

Carole

Ten,

 

Noticed you were on celexa.  I tried that one two and after about 1 month, I suffered a horrible episode of mania (and I'm not at all bipolar).  Stayed manic until I got off it about a week after it peaked.

 

Had previously gone off of antidepressants before I decided to taper off benzos and pain meds.  Finally, I got depression from hell after I held my benzo taper and tapered 3/4 of the way off the pain meds.  Out of desperation, finally called my shrink and told him I had to go back on the paxil (I hate the paxil, but after reviewing my med history (kept a log book of pill usage due to benzo fog), noticed I used both less benzos and less pain meds while on the horrible paxil stuff).  My couselor also told me that it is toughest to get off pain meds, then benzos, then antidepressants.  After researching that, realized it was probably true and decided to go back on antidepressants, hold benzo taper, get off pain meds (should be free within 5 weeks), then give myself a 2 week break and then start the valium taper again.  When I'm finally free of the pain meds and benzos, I will then rid myself of the paxil.  You might not have to do this.  I didn't realize I had so many addictions until recently (all physician prescribed and never needed to increase my prescriptions either).  Well, at least I don't smoke anymore, and hardly ever drink, so I guess I'm not addicted to everything.