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Just feel sick all the time.


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Achey, tired, feels like my neck and head are sweating but they're not. Chest hurts, costo like pain and even pops when I move. I always think in my head I have to be sick, I'm so tired of this feeling, I don't want to feel sick and lost and depressed.  The swallowing thing never full goes away, this just isn't the person I want to be and I really hope I'm not sick. Just needed to vent.
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Hey I’m so sorry you’re still suffering. As am I, really terribly. The throat and swallowing thing is my biggest most horrible symptom. I have anxiety around food big time. It’s like a golf ball feeling in my throat. I’ve tried to much and nothing helps! I am going out of my mind. I also have jelly legs , calf pain , RLS all over, it’s so terrible
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Health anxiety on top of everything else, right? Me too.

Initially I just clicked off the hideous terrifying biblical side effects, like: Check! Check! Will pass…KEEP GOING GURL!!

Then? Seriously? Just I’ll, on top of everything.This is hideous.

I pray for all of us for better, happier, joyful times 🙏

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I think same Fox Clover.  Just feel so sick.  I think this can't be WD, but it must be, all tests come back ok. And it improves sometimes, which is not the usual pattern of some 'real' illness. 

 

We're sick alright.  Benzo sick.  :sick:

 

I've read around here that it can sometimes get worse before the final healing.  It can't get much worse than this, so maybe I'm nearly there? 

 

When I typed that (worse, before better) it sounded like a heap of crap.  A straw to clutch to, is better than no straw at all. 

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Health anxiety on top of everything else, right? Me too.

Initially I just clicked off the hideous terrifying biblical side effects, like: Check! Check! Will pass…KEEP GOING GURL!!

Then? Seriously? Just I’ll, on top of everything.This is hideous.

I pray for all of us for better, happier, joyful times 🙏

Anxiety yeah, so many changing symptoms but not usually ones you can ignore. It's exhausting. Also being afraid of everything from hair color to different toothpaste , very old. 

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I think same Fox Clover.  Just feel so sick.  I think this can't be WD, but it must be, all tests come back ok. And it improves sometimes, which is not the usual pattern of some 'real' illness. 

 

We're sick alright.  Benzo sick.  :sick:

 

I've read around here that it can sometimes get worse before the final healing.  It can't get much worse than this, so maybe I'm nearly there? 

 

When I typed that (worse, before better) it sounded like a heap of crap.  A straw to clutch to, is better than no straw at all.

There's times I just feel so disgustingly achey and bad, I'd rip my skin off if I could. I guess it has to be, I never knew what pain was before this, thought I did. I do get times I feel alright but it never lasts, in those times I think its gotta be the ad/ benzo damage.  It's so hard not feeling like whoever I was,I used to be happy and I had a forgiveness even for myself, for my short comings and for my life mistakes but now I am digusted with myself and I don't see how I've been so dumb in certain life situations.  Tired of being like that, like a guilty dog that just dug my own grave, it's sick.

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I relate. I am so sorry. A friend asked me today, "What relaxation or diversion skills have you been taught" I wanted to punch that person. How can you ignore tinnitus, inner tremor, hyperacusis, and jaw and head pain? I am trying to believe me. Every day seems like a struggle to get out of bed. This is not the way I want to live either. I pray I "think positively" it doesn't seem to shift anything, and I am reaching my wits end with this. Everyone thinks I'm going to heal and get better. But how much pain and suffering can one human being withstand?
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I relate. I am so sorry. A friend asked me today, "What relaxation or diversion skills have you been taught" I wanted to punch that person. How can you ignore tinnitus, inner tremor, hyperacusis, and jaw and head pain? I am trying to believe me. Every day seems like a struggle to get out of bed. This is not the way I want to live either. I pray I "think positively" it doesn't seem to shift anything, and I am reaching my wits end with this. Everyone thinks I'm going to heal and get better. But how much pain and suffering can one human being withstand?

Exactly. I want to sock people often when they ask me stupid questions, even if it's not their fault. I too have the jaw pain, and neck, my jaw feels like it's tight and aches and also feels it's being pulled downward. Fun walking around thinking you're impending heart attack is on it's way and every other irrational thought possible. I ask myself too everyday like, how much more......how much.

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The thing that's interesting is that the jaw isn't that tight when I touch the muscles, but they FEEL tight. I think it's just the brain sending incorrect pain messages post benzo.
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Do you have throat tightening as well?? Mine is constant. Like a lump. I even sound like I have a golf ball in my throat when I speak. My tongue also so tight. Is this Benzo wd stuff? Or pure anxiety??? I’m suffering
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To read everyone's posts makes me so grateful.  To realise I am not alone. 

 

I want to punch people too, when they say things about which they have absolutely no understanding. 

 

The tinnitus, the hyperacusis for me too.  Hyperacusis has improved, but not so the tinnitus.  It is better some days, but never gone.  DP/DR improves a bit sometimes, but never really gone. 

 

Drained by the anxiety.  Immobilised.  Sleep fractured.  Eyes dry, hair strawlke, again.  Dry mouth. 

 

How much can a koala bear?  ???

 

Just keep going, and be kind to myself is the best I can do. 

 

I feel like that dog too, Fox Clover.  Dragging myself through the days, afraid of toxic naps, the mornings.  And the clock strikes 3am again. 

 

 

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Deadwoodgone: I so hope you’re right. I’ve been in the am absolute worst wave for a month. Just brutal. Am praying healing is around the corner 🙏
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To read everyone's posts makes me so grateful.  To realise I am not alone. 

 

I want to punch people too, when they say things about which they have absolutely no understanding. 

 

The tinnitus, the hyperacusis for me too.  Hyperacusis has improved, but not so the tinnitus.  It is better some days, but never gone.  DP/DR improves a bit sometimes, but never really gone. 

 

Drained by the anxiety.  Immobilised.  Sleep fractured.  Eyes dry, hair strawlke, again.  Dry mouth. 

 

How much can a koala bear?  ???

 

Just keep going, and be kind to myself is the best I can do. 

 

I feel like that dog too, Fox Clover.  Dragging myself through the days, afraid of toxic naps, the mornings.  And the clock strikes 3am again.

Really rough. There's a whole weird cloud of confusion around it all too, I often feel like im in some weird time continum, it really feels like recovering from a stroke if I could guess what that would feel like but without any particular progression. I also activated ebv and have not seen the early antigen go down , even after this long it's still up. I hope we all get better, it's the loneliest life to live, always lost in it alone.

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In a wave since December 14 it’s crazy. Why haven’t I had a window since then?

I dont know why, my windows are usually late at night, I'm never without symptoms entirely but I consider a window when im not physically freaking out, any time where I'm not in a panicked state I consider a window.

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I'm same Fox Clover.  Evenings are better, though not total relief.  Just don't think I'm going to drop dead this very moment.  Stroke out.  Heart attack.  Lose the plot.  Sucks. 

 

It is weird alright.  Other worldly.  Where the f am I?  lol

 

I'm sorry you haven't a window since December Shizam.  The nature of the beast.  I think I just had my first real one the other day.  And I'm talking 4 years.  Maybe little glimpses, but nothing more.  The blink of an eye, yet I grab onto like it was gold.  It never is.  I'm having brief more extended breaks in the DP/Dr though.  It's scary to see the world again, and I think I shut it down.  Can only take small doses.

 

Gratitude for whatever comes my way.  Gratitude that I don't actually lose it.  And I've been close. 

 

 

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I'm same Fox Clover.  Evenings are better, though not total relief.  Just don't think I'm going to drop dead this very moment.  Stroke out.  Heart attack.  Lose the plot.  Sucks. 

 

It is weird alright.  Other worldly.  Where the f am I?  lol

 

I'm sorry you haven't a window since December Shizam.  The nature of the beast.  I think I just had my first real one the other day.  And I'm talking 4 years.  Maybe little glimpses, but nothing more.  The blink of an eye, yet I grab onto like it was gold.  It never is.  I'm having brief more extended breaks in the DP/Dr though.  It's scary to see the world again, and I think I shut it down.  Can only take small doses.

 

Gratitude for whatever comes my way.  Gratitude that I don't actually lose it.  And I've been close.

Such a good way of putting it,  lose the plot,  so exact.  Yes , the only time where you're not wondering incessantly,  why this,  what is that,  is my bp low/high, can I eat much of this,  why do I feel like sh, yeah,  where are we...I say alot,  who even am I...

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You just described my day to day experience FoxClover. It is so taxing. 

 

When I plug the electrical cord into the wall socket am I going to be electrocuted ️ lol

 

Wtf

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