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Am I doing really well where I'm at, or terrible?


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Hello, I feel that my case is somewhat strange.  I jumped from a 15 month long taper on November 14th, so I am almost 3 months out.  I realize that I am most-likely still in the acute phase.

 

I started to improve during my taper, and my main symptom has been 24/7 air hunger that never, ever goes away.  It only feels easier or harder at certain times of day, or for certain time periods.  I developed many other symptoms, most of which have gone, and still have some that come and go.

 

After finishing my taper, my air hunger got so much worse that it felt similar to when I cold-turkeyed briefly before my taper.  Surprisingly, it seemed like practically my only symptom in acute.  I was, of course, very depressed, anxious about how long it would all last, etc., had slight derealization, lack of ability to read as much as during my taper, occasional severe episodes of choking, etc.

 

I started to improve in 2 months only slightly, but was finding myself buying clothes online, trying them on when they arrived, watching TV like during my taper, listening to audiobooks, reading again, fixing a few things around the house, cooking meals from recipes.  As soon as I improved, I got covid, which in itself was just like a normal case of the flu, but completely wrecked me afterwards with withdrawal-like symptoms; breathing so difficult that I was retching, limbs feeling full of Vick's Vapo Rub, brief akathisia, crazy restlessness, states of anxiety, headaches, heavy-feeling head, lack of interest in everything, insomnia, mucus in throat, bright vision, heart racing, chest tightness, pleuritic chest pain, stomach tightness, overheating, loss of appetite, and more.

 

I have now gotten over most of those additional symptoms, though I still find myself having episodes that feel like panic attacks, mostly related to things like remind me of the trauma from this past month.  I keep assuming that it will pass soon and that it is a natural reaction to such a terrible event, though I can't stop wondering if I have covid.

 

Anyway, the most important part of my post is this: I can still walk 10,000 steps a day, it seems like I can get at least 6 hours of sleep at night, I often have window-like feelings at night that are mainly darkened but my knowledge of the next day and my air hunger, I have a good appetite . . . I feel healthy, and able to be active.

 

On the other hand, I am 100% agoraphobic due to the severity of my air hunger, and have been for about 17 months. I have not seen my family in almost two years, haven't seen a single friend in the whole 17 months, have avoided being on the phone with people many times, and that isn't at all my main concern.  If it were time for my to fight agoraphobia, I would be paying attention to fixing it.  I am trying to battle withdrawal.  I haven't gone to a grocery store, pharmacy, gas station, or anywhere else.  I haven't worked in almost two years.  I do sleep well at night, but I end up falling asleep a little bit too early, so I end up waking up often between 4-6 a.m., and lying there in the pitch black room doing absolutely nothing, wide awake, until 8 a.m., when I get on my phone.  I can't wake up earlier, because when I do I am left with too much time awake during the day without interest in anything.  I find it hard to watch TV, read, or even scroll on my phone since havinf covid.  Because I am to obsessed with how bad I feel and when it will be better.  I have noticed some improvements, and have regained the ability to experience nostalgia, but I lost it again.  I feel tormented constantly, but it almost seems like the main cause is my air hunger and also my fear about this situation and inability to distract.

 

How does it seem like I'm doing?  It seems that my lifestyle shows that I am both healthy, and terribly ill.

 

I would like to at least feel like I can watch TV, read, and not feel like I'm still wishing the days away.  At times in my taper, I at least could stop paying AS much attention to the clock.  I just wonder if I am doing remarkably well, and seem likely to heal fast, or if I am not doing well at all, and if it's going to take a very long time.

 

I know nobody knows the answer to these things, but has anybody that has seen a good deal of cases say that I am in a good position?  Being that I am not bed bound, physically unable to do things, etc.?  I assume that people who seem to have fewer symptoms must heal faster?  I am also 27 years old, male, and I did a slow and careful taper from Valium.  I jumped at .25mg, and I cut .5mg every ten days no matter what the entire taper from 20mg.

 

The symptoms that I do still have are:

 

Air hunger (constant)

 

Rib pain/tightness, chest pain/tightness, stomach tightness (come and go, mainly only bothers me because of my breathing, unless the chest pain is especially bad)

 

Throat clearing (nearly constant, but better than it used to be, and does not bother me like the air hunger does)

 

Depression/hopelessness (but mainly because of the recent setback and fear of it, and again, because of the air hunger being so bad!)

 

Anxiety (mainly because of setback, and because the air hunger is so bad, and not sure when I will ever be better)

 

Slight blood sugar issues (it seems like I just have to be mindful of it)

 

Inability to focus on TV, reading, etc. unless it pertains to healing somehow (but was able to earlier in acute before setback)

 

Choking/strangling sensation (has been almost faily at times, but hasn't happened in probably weeks, and has been brief when it has lately)

 

Terrible anxiety reactions to anything that seems like a new symptom or resurgence of covid symptoms (because of fear of being set back again)

 

Raw head/headaches (occasionally, less bad than before)

 

So, it mostly seems like my only truly troublesome symptom is air hunger, and every single other issue is worse because of it.  Otherwise I almost feel like I could get on with my life.  At times, I have almost even felt normal ASIDE from my air hunger, which is so bad that it is the reason for my agoraphobia.

 

Thank you so much.

 

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  • 1 month later...
I am 9 months off CT clonozepam besides the one dose of Ativan that was given to me 4 months ago in the er. I haven't had COVID but after drinking alcohol at 5 months off I woke up with air hunger and all the symptoms your describing. I have been this way for 4 months straight. I don't take any other meds, I have been on the lions diet for 4 months. Sometimes I doubt that it's regular airhunger because it's so intense with so many other physical symptoms accompanying it. It feels as though I am not breathing and my throat tightens as well as my chest. I can't eat sometimes for days because of this. 
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