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I have been lucky up till now with depression. Throughout this withdrawal i was always hopeful that I would recover rather quickly since I only took the medicine for a short period. Now I am approaching my 11th month with very little improvement. A lot of symptoms have slowly lifted but the main one that is killing me is insomnia and it is not getting any better. I go thru life everyday an exhausted zombie Every afternoon I start nodding off only to ne jerked back awake by my body. This week depression over my situation has set in and it is deep. Its only making everything worse. I have spent every day this week crying over my lost life that I now feel I will never get back. I am on the verge of losing my job of 16 years, I cannot participate in my kids lives, and I feel like I am dying. I dont know what to do anymore. There is nothing that can cheer me up. I cant go out with friends or family and that leaves me stuck in the house just being a zombie. I know there is nothing anybody here can do but I just wanted to vent.
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Venting can be very therapeutic.

When I read your post I see that at you're almost 11 months out and you say a lot of symptoms have slowly lifted!  That's really good news and it sounds like the way withdrawal progresses for many of us.  Healing can feel frustratingly slow and erratic.  I know I wished it would speed up but it had its own timeline and eventually the symptoms faded away. 

 

I'm sure you've seen a ton of stuff on the boards about things you can do to distract yourself from your symptoms.  Do any of them appeal to you?  You say you're stuck in the house.  Can you get outside even for a few minutes?  Little changes of scenery, little breaks in routine can add up to help you feel a bit better.  What do you think?

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Thanks brighterday. I appreciate your reply. I do get out of the house to go work but insomnia is one the few symptoms that you can not distract from. I am tired all day but my cns is so hyper aroused that I cannot fall asleep at all.
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Benzos or not, insomnia can definitely cause depression.  Your brain is not able to maintain neurotransmitter levels as well when it does not get enough sleep.  Your brain does most of its "maintenance" during sleep, so lack of sleep can cause depression.  Lack of sleep also results in increased adrenaline and cortisol, which again can adversely affect the brain (at least in the long run - adrenaline can improve mood in the short term).  Having to deal with benzo symptoms and not being able to enjoy normal activities due to them can also be pretty depressing in its own right.

 

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Still praying for you every day X Ray.  God is always there even when it doesn’t seem like it.

 

Thanks wantstosleep. I need every prayer I can get. I am sinking fast and losing hope. I will pray for you as well.

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Xray, I take a baby aspirin at bedtime and that helps me sleep.  I also have to talk to myself all the time to try to calm myself down so I can sleep.
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Xray,

I have been in a similar boat. My sleeplessness came from RLS; I was on a medication that eventually made the RLS worse and gave me an impulse disorder which, by the grace of God, didn't lead me into difficulty. But the withdrawal was hellish and took months. I was given (along with many other drugs!) clonazepam, which never helped me sleep. I tapered off with what I thought was no problem but ended up wishing I were no longer alive. At that point I got more help and ended up with five specialists trying to figure things out. Naturally, they never did and I had to figure things out myself! So now I was struggling to sleep and going through another awful withdrawal, but didn't even know I was going through withdrawal. I didn't know what was happening.

 

Sleeplessness does throw everything off. You're not going crazy or off the deep end. You just need sleep and it can be horribly elusive. It looks as if you aren't really taking much in the way of supplements or meds, so you have an accurate baseline. That's a good thing! Try different things, one at a time. You'll be able to see what helps that way.

 

Here are some things I tried that helped. Nothing helps every time, but you just need to get your body back to regular sleep, and anything that gives you one nights sleep moves you closer to being more regular:

1. Very low-dose melatonin. One mg or less. I don't take it every night, either. 

2. A hot bath before bed.

3. A non-THC CBD oil gummy. 

Here are some habits a sleep psychologist recommended, that I've put in practice:

1. Never using the bed for anything but sleep and sex. If you nap, nap somewhere else.

2. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. If you want to go back to sleep say, on a Saturday or Sunday when you're not working, go sleep somewhere else.

3. Give yourself some time to unwind before getting into bed, from 30 minutes to an hour.

4. You're supposed to start this in September, but a 10,000 lux light used for 30 minutes every morning helps to regulate your sleep. This is my least favorite because it took $125 and you have to do in every morning. But I have to say, it's helped me sleep better and helped my mood. Most people don't do it correctly, with a large-enough light box, or they don't glance up every once in a while so the light can hit the back of your eye. (That's something the directions on the Lightbox say NOT to do, but the sleep behavior psychologist said was a constant source of argument between sleep health practitioners and light box manufacturers. The manufacturers don't want any liability, but the sleep behavior practitioners know without an occasional upword glance, light therapy does no good. And you can't wear prescription glasses because they ALL have light-preventing coating. But you can use readers if you need them.

 

Just try one thing, then move on to the next. God willing (and I'm praying!) something in this array will give you the boost you need to get your sleep back in order.

:D

 

 

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Hell Xray,

 

I read your post and understand fully how difficult it can be sometimes.  Forgive me if I misstate but it doesn't sound like you have a lot of support emotionally.  This is very difficult to get nowadays as people are stretched thin and do not want to seem to get involved which, furthers feelings of isolation and of not being heard.  This happened to me and I chose to go to therapy for quite some time.  After therapy ended I realized that I would really need to learn and incorporate self love into my health regime.  It's not easy but worth starting on the journey.  I hope you are feeling better today.

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Thanks awake and hotcold,

I do have some family support but they really cant understand what is happening. But it is nice to have some help.

hotcold I have already tried most of the things that you recommend. The only thing I have not tried is the light box. Ill look into getting one. My depression right now really stems from the fact that I have lost hope that I will recover. I cant go thru life on the amount of sleep I am getting and since it does feel like it is getting better I am getting more depressed. Most every other symptom I can fight thru but this kind of insomnia is impossible to fight. I didnt even know that insomnia like this could be possible at all. It is just miserable and depressing.

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That's what's so awful about this. You don't think you'll ever get better and because you're central nervous system is in such an up-ended and weird place, no amount of fortitude can blast through a thing. You just have to sit and take it, and do what little you can to make things bearable, one hour at a time.

 

Let me tell you that you ARE getting better. Withdrawal symptoms are an indication that your central nervous system is rebalancing. The process is maddeningly slow. Don't read all the worst-case scenarios and think, "That's gonna be me."  It just adds fuel to the awful fire. Read the success posts (I know you'll be looking up your symptoms too; that's only natural.)

 

If you keep a daily record of your symptoms, and look back over the course of weeks and months, you'll see that you were improving all along. It's just so slow that you don't see it on a daily basis. That would be impossible.

 

It probably feels like salt in a wound to hear someone say, 'Think positive,' because it's hard to find a pinpoint of light. But I pray you'll see a pinpoint of light here and there, until a whole constellation leads the way back to health. Lord, help Xray! Grant sleep, moments and hours of peace, send help and encouragement and above all, daily hope. Amen!

 

May each day bring some small goodness your way, and God grant that you can see improvements!!

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X-ray have u tried unisom? It helped me and doesn’t effect gaba. It can make u groggy the next day but for me it was worth it to get a bit more sleep x
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Hi Shayna,

I have tried unisom and it works for about 2 days and then doesnt work anymore. I go back to it every 3 or 4 weeks for a couple days. I have been taking a blood pressure pill called prazosin for about a week and it works to but I wake up dizzy and retching every morning. Almost like an alcohol hangover except it is every day. I hate this shit. I am so tired of fighting for my life back.

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Yeah drs put me on prozazin for a bit too. I know how hard it is but it will end. U can survive it. I know how u feel it is rough mate.

 

When I was really bad I took a combo of cbd oil, melatonin and unisom and it worked for some reason. Do u have any cbd oil?

 

* when I say worked it gave me some sleep but compared to a normal person it still wasn’t much but it was enuf to get me thru

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Insomnia is extremely depressing from what I've gone through. The moment to moment coping enough on it's own can wear you down emotionally to where you simply cannot cope. I don't know if it's a good idea but I take Seroquel to knock me out for the evening. It might not be but gotta sleep.
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