Extreme depression episode -

Just wonder if it’s the Benzo ordeal or just me, that explains the extreme depth, intensity of the depression, or perhaps both. Wish I knew.

Hey, what's happening?

 

Maybe it's something else, Catt02.

 

Sometimes I wonder if threads like this don't get answered because people are frightened that they might make it worse. I know that when I have been extremely depressed, I couldn't see something as positive even if that was the reality. If positivity doesn't exist, then how can we see reality for how it is?

 

I hesitated to reply because I wanted to offer you the suggestion that independent of the benzo ordeal, there happens to be a lot of struggle and strife in today's world. Donald Trump's leaving office and that's good, but I can't get very excited about an old establishment politician whose office is bought and paid for by the megarich. And that's not the biggest thing going off in the world. It's all way way too much and people have really got into terrible conditions. How many of the population are addicted to sugar and their phone? It's a lot... How many of those are happy? I think it's impossible to be happy while addicted to sugar and your phone. Digression, sorry.

 

There's always a third option. At this time, many people across the globe have fallen into their darkest depression. This is a global trauma. So you can be reassured that others are driven to a deeper depth than they imagined possible because they are sensitive to the world around them.

 

When you get to this point, where nothing seems to be going right, think to yourself: "Is it going to be like this forever?". At first, you'll say that yes, it will be like this forever. But just think it through. I understand the neurochemistry well enough to take recovery as a certainty. The world isn't always going to be this messed up. Anyway, we'll adapt. So you didn't hit these deepest darkest despairs before the chemical thing and you won't again. And when you recover, you'll be lots stronger because somehow you got through this. I know you don't feel like this is true but examine it logically. You're wiser through experience. When your brain recovers, you can apply everything you've had to learn here to everyday life and in comparison to this, it will be a breeze.

Due to medical issues, I was out of commission last few days. So I missed crazy news. But I also wanted to avoid the GA dual Senate vote. So when I woke up I was spared the bedlam and instead happened to catch something about the path going forward with a new Senate. That was a significant lift to my mood. I’m still encouraged by it. I caught the rest of it so I know I’d better back away, given my heightened sensitivity.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I check in with the news a bit more than I feel like I should, trying to stay abreast of major events without going into it too deeply. I get sucked in having to check about covid and it annoys me to be bombarded with propaganda to get to what I need. Then I end up clicking around said propaganda, knowing that it's BS, and all because I had to look at coronavirus stuff. I do better when I can stay away.

 

I hope you're alright with your medical issues. Good to hear there's been some lift to your mood, I hope the encouragement continues.

Hey, what's happening?

 

Maybe it's something else, Catt02.

 

Sometimes I wonder if threads like this don't get answered because people are frightened that they might make it worse. I know that when I have been extremely depressed, I couldn't see something as positive even if that was the reality. If positivity doesn't exist, then how can we see reality for how it is?

 

I hesitated to reply because I wanted to offer you the suggestion that independent of the benzo ordeal, there happens to be a lot of struggle and strife in today's world. Donald Trump's leaving office and that's good, but I can't get very excited about an old establishment politician whose office is bought and paid for by the megarich. And that's not the biggest thing going off in the world. It's all way way too much and people have really got into terrible conditions. How many of the population are addicted to sugar and their phone? It's a lot... How many of those are happy? I think it's impossible to be happy while addicted to sugar and your phone. Digression, sorry.

 

There's always a third option. At this time, many people across the globe have fallen into their darkest depression. This is a global trauma. So you can be reassured that others are driven to a deeper depth than they imagined possible because they are sensitive to the world around them.

 

When you get to this point, where nothing seems to be going right, think to yourself: "Is it going to be like this forever?". At first, you'll say that yes, it will be like this forever. But just think it through. I understand the neurochemistry well enough to take recovery as a certainty. The world isn't always going to be this messed up. Anyway, we'll adapt. So you didn't hit these deepest darkest despairs before the chemical thing and you won't again. And when you recover, you'll be lots stronger because somehow you got through this. I know you don't feel like this is true but examine it logically. You're wiser through experience. When your brain recovers, you can apply everything you've had to learn here to everyday life and in comparison to this, it will be a breeze.

 

Hey buddie!! So glad to hear from you again. You sound so good.

I just last week got released from the hospital. Short story, had a

breakdown, my wife got scared, called 911, police showed up, put

me in handcuffs, way too tight, questioned me - my name, date,

where I was, reason I was sweating, etc, nothing of which I could

answer. They were pretty rough, same with the staff in the ER.

Cat-scan normal but blood test showed up PCP!!

Which was impossible. At least the doctor trusted, said it could

just have been a psychotropic substance. I was released 3 days.

So much of it I can't recall, explain. I've been in really bad shape

since. Extreme anxiety, panic, horrible depression. I'm really scared,

what happened, is my coming. Similar happened before when I OD'd

on Nembutal. My said this time I was really going off the deep end for

several hours early morning. I'm SO scared for my sanity.

Thank God I caught up with you again. Best to you and your mom -

I'm so very sorry to hear about your episode, what an awful experience.  Are you working with a therapist to help you figure things out?

For me it's drugs and a decade of bad memories and traumatic events and everything else falling apart 

I'm so very sorry to hear about your episode, what an awful experience.  Are you working with a therapist to help you figure things out?

 

Haven't been to a therapist in quite a while. Last one was at the clinic. They changed the appts. from 1hr. to 30min yet charging the same to the insurance. Plus I could never get on a routine schedule, weekly or bi-weekly. That clinic really cut corners, high turnover. When I can, after COVID-19, I need to look a private practice, hopefully a therapist with a really good intuitive sense, insight. I do have a mentor as well as a psychiatrist. Feel I really require some heavy lifting with current state.

I can see some serious roadblocks have been put in place to prevent you from getting the help you need but I'm impressed with the team you have, I love your self awareness in knowing what you need and how to get it.

 

I hope you'll continue to seek help and reach out for it here, you have some very real challenges that I hope you can work through.

I can see some serious roadblocks have been put in place to prevent you from getting the help you need but I'm impressed with the team you have, I love your self awareness in knowing what you need and how to get it.

 

I hope you'll continue to seek help and reach out for it here, you have some very real challenges that I hope you can work through.

 

I so hope so. It's been a really humbling experience. Will truly be a miracle if I ever overcome these obstacles to peace. But BB has been there for me even when I didn't recognize it.

What impresses me is that you can reach out for help.  I've never known true depression until Ambien so mine was temporary and chemically induced but it was the lowest I've ever been and I could only see darkness and hopelessness.  I didn't reach out like you do, I gave up and accepted this was my fate.  I admire your willingness to keep fighting for yourself and your life.

What impresses me is that you can reach out for help.  I've never known true depression until Ambien so mine was temporary and chemically induced but it was the lowest I've ever been and I could only see darkness and hopelessness.  I didn't reach out like you do, I gave up and accepted this was my fate.  I admire your willingness to keep fighting for yourself and your life.

 

Looking at your signature, I do not see how you survived at all. CT from so high a dosages, the depression, I would think would have unimaginable. I guess we do the best we can with what we see before us.

Catt02, my experience helped me to briefly know what people like you have to live with, it helped me see too late the suffering my mother endured before schizophrenia finally took her life, and I'm grateful for it because we can't understand others suffering until we get a taste of it ourselves.