Heart Broken and about to sign divorce papers

I cannot even believe what has happened in the past 2 years.  I am Signing divorce stipulation this week and I have Been dreaming about my ex husband holding me while I am Suffering through this dreadful crisis.

I am In my 7th month and not feeling hopeful.  I force myself to leave my apartment...but today I give up I just want to lay here and feel sorry for myself.  I have Suffered from

Mood swings before but this feels a million times worse...I cant Seem to want to help myself consistently.  I am Barely eating...I am Going to try to go to church maybe, I wish I had My family to help me, I hate isolating myself.

It is a million times worse Fiercelady, you're not imagining or exaggerating this, if only people knew how terrifying and lonely this truly is but they don't, only we do. 

The fact that you wrote your thoughts here gives me hope for you, you're reaching out even when you feel you've hit rock bottom. I hope you went to church or anywhere other than being alone with your thoughts.  You intuitively know that isolating yourself isn't good for you so keep pushing yourself to get out and interact with people no matter how hard it is. 

I called a rehab, I called a me two

Health center...I’m stuck in benzo wave hell.  I’m so done with this crap when will it stop!  I need Help

Time is your only ally here but it's also your worst enemy, please hang on, rehab is not your answer only time is.  Distraction, any activity you can accomplish, projects, tasks, forced interaction with people, hobbies and anything you can do other than listen to the negative thoughts the withdrawal is heaping on you. 

If you have time, watch this video, it will show you what science doesn't know about what we experience and you'll realize going to a detox cannot help you.  But you'll also see a survivor like you who pushed through to the other side, just like you will. 

Go on YouTube and watch other survivors, listen to their messages, not the one in your head that's lying to you.