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depression and anxiety addicted to xanax. need help


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hi everyone. I have made the decision to taper off until I am free. I have questions and want to hear your experiences. I have been on Xanax for over ten years. I cant remember when I started but it was on .5 mg. I now take 4-6 mgs day. I don't know  what it is like being benzo free. I take trazadone, Provigil. Adderall and paxel. I have been depressed since I was 14 and probably will be on antidepressants. for life. I realistically feel going off Xanax will turn my world upside down but I have made up my mind to get off this terrible med. My first psych De, warned me that the Xanax could depress me but gave it to me anyway. W/D can make me more depressed? My quality of life is poor. I am unmotivated. tired and lazy all the time. I don't know if this is from Xanax or my depression. I am a hard patient to treat. I have tried every antidepressant out there and nothing worked but this regime has kept me stable so the Dr. never mentions my Xanax. I am going to ask him about it in a couple of weeks. I know everyone is different but need to know why people decided to stop. what benzo did to them while taking them. and if they feel differently since coming off of them. w/d sounds like pure hell.. please share with me your thoughts. There aren't any support groups for benzos. This is going to be hard on my own.. thx in advance
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i was taking benzo and z drugs recreationally and for nights when i could't fall asleep. i never felt addicted or dependent. the idea of bondage of any kind including addiction is terrifying to me. so the day i became physically addicted, my nightmare came true. i had to stop
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