Getting scared

I’m coming up on 7 months since my cold turkey off Xanax and my sleep is not getting any better. I’m lucky if I get 4 broken hours a night on average. I’ve been reduced to laying in bed all day due to fatigue. Sleep rules my thoughts day and night. I’m starting to get scared that I’m not going to sleep again. I’m probably gonna lose my job over this because it requires driving all day and I’m in no shape to drive anywhere. This is absolutely the most horrific thing I’ve gone thru. I cannot believe that I ruined my entire life over 2 months of a prescribed drug. I just needed to vent here because nobody in my life understands how bad this is. They don’t understand withdrawal insomnia.

But 4 hours is better than when you first jumped isn't it?

 

Don't put a timeline on when you "think" you should start to sleep more.  It will happen in it's own time.

 

I definitely would NOT lay in bed all day no matter how tired you feel.  Get out of bed and move around the best you can.  Try to do "normal" things you would do if you had a decent night of sleep.  4 hours isn't great, but I can manage fine on an occasional 4 hour night that I still get here and there, but then again, my mind is no longer "wired" from the Benzos either, so if I don't sleep well now I can really feel it the next day. 

 

Your life is not ruined.  It only seems like it is right now. You'll look back one day and realize how unrealistic your thinking was during WD.  Heck, I swore up and down I had fatal insomnia for a number of weeks.

 

My family didn't get it either and I was often accused of "faking it."

 

It will get better for sure...hang in there.

 

 

2 months is not a particularly long time to be on benzos, but is long enough to become addicted. Why problems were you having Xray prior to taking the xanax? Were you sleeping ok prior to the xanax?

 

Are you still on STD?

My PCP thinks I have a "genetic" condition that caused me to reach tolerance very quickly on Benzos? I started having inter-dose WD symptoms after about 3 weeks of Xanax use.  I didn't know what they were at that time and I thought I was going insane.  After 6 weeks of nightly use for insomnia, I knew something was wrong but didn't find this forum until I was on just over 11 weeks and then I did a CT under the direction of my PCP.

 

Then all hell broke loose and the rest, as they say, is history.

Hey AB,

I was on Xanax for some situational stress. The situation resolved itself and now I’m stuck not sleeping. I also have extreme anxiety now, which I never had before. I don’t know what an STD is?

I would consider looking into your hormones and see if they are doing okay. A lot of chronic stress can alter hormones and cause anxiety, depression, mood/ energy issues etc. I hope the best for you keep pushing forward.

X-ray please don’t be scared. At some point acceptance will kick in and u will slowly start getting better.  I know I’ve said it before but u can do this. My average now is 20-25 hrs a week. Not much but for the first 10 months it was 17-18. And that’s only since I jumped. Before… well this all kicked off in 2018 for me.

 

I work full time. I go to gym every day, I do everything anyone else does. Some days are very hard but I still do everything I have to do. But before I fully got to that place of acceptance I couldn’t do even half of what I do now.

 

I read a post on here where to help another buddie who was struggling very badly with severe insomnia someone mentioned that their psychologist who was in his 70s for some reason wasn’t able to sleep longer than 3 hrs a night past his late teens. He was in good health and had lived a long and productive life.

 

It’s all about perspective.

 

The other night I went to bed and thought I was awake and just laying there, until I started snoring! I think we sleep so lightly sometimes that we don’t even think we’re asleep.

 

Ps, I’d kill for 4 solid hours a night. X

 

U are doing fine buddie. Don’t be scared. X

I would consider looking into your hormones and see if they are doing okay. A lot of chronic stress can alter hormones and cause anxiety, depression, mood/ energy issues etc. I hope the best for you keep pushing forward.

 

This is a kind suggestion but I can almost guarantee X-rays hormones will be normal. If I had a dollar for every test I had to figure this out I’d have like…. $123 dollars probably.

 

Get up, make a nice calming drink, go for a walk, show gratitude for being able to move (some people can’t) shelve the bad thoughts and keep your mind very very busy all day long if necessary. Distraction is key x

STD = short term disability when you are unable to work.

 

I would really look into my stress and anxiety levels and ways to naturally cope. I know ppl with severe sleep issues, and they have never been on benzos.

 

I think once we are off benzos, just waiting on enough time to elapse is not going to be enough for some of us. Getting off benzos is not going to cure any underlying anxiety issues.

But Xray said he never had anxiety before Benzos, so the root cause of his anxiety is the Benzos and there's an extremely good chance the anxiety will resolve on its own over time.  Yes, getting off Benzos doesn't cure preexisting conditions, but it helps develop coping and acceptance skills...Shayna is a prime example of how that works!

 

 

He said he had some situational stress going on + he was a short termer. Benzos no doubt can do damage (short-term use is more questionable), but after a while of being off the drugs, you have to do something except just waiting IMO. There are many underlying other things that can cause insomnia, not just benzo detoxification.

 

The drugs may indeed do permanent damage in some ppl and no amount of time off or waiting is going to really help. I met someone in another forum many years ago who was 10 years clean and she still claimed to still be suffering. No amount of waiting is going to bring relief to these ppl if you are one of these unfortunate souls. The human body does have a remarkable capacity to heal itself, but it does not take forever to do IMO if it is going to heal itself. Most of us are lucky to get 80 years out of this life before we finally die. I will be lucky if I am even still alive 20 years from the timestamp on this post.

No thEway, Xray had some life issues that caused stress and anxiety, that's why went on the pills. Coming off the pills has made the symptoms return

I've seen way too many people eventually heal from the TEMPORARY damage caused by Benzos.  Most of the people that claim to never heal had (and still have) an myriad of other health conditions.  Even Baylissa said she has helped over 15,000 people and all of them got some relief given enough time.

 

Xray has only been off going on 7 months.  Ashton says 6-12 months (on average) for insomnia to resolve.  Some take more time, some take less.  I was a short-term user too and it took between month 9 and 10 for my insomnia to steadily decline and some sleep every night to set in. 

 

I had every medical test in the book done that my insurance would allow including CT and MRI scans.  Everything came back negative or normal, but I was told by the 4 different doctors I visited in 4 different hospital ERs and a psychiatrist that I had several mental health conditions including General Anxiety Disorder.  All of that was complete BS...everything went away on its own over time, including the 3-4 so called mental health conditions I was diagnosed with.

 

If you believe something else is causing Xray's sleep and anxiety issues at 7 months off, that's your opinion and you are entitled to it.  But in my experience, I'd bet the farm that his anxiety and sleep issues are still 100% Benzo WD related!

Hey AB,

I was on Xanax for some situational stress. The situation resolved itself and now I’m stuck not sleeping. I also have extreme anxiety now, which I never had before. I don’t know what an STD is?

 

No Sleepyjo, he said in this post his original reason for going on Benzos (situational stress) resolved itself and now he's stuck not sleeping and that is due to the TEMPORARY damage caused by the Benzos, not the stress that no longer exists.

Benzos may be the sole cause of his sleep issues and resolve in due time but never close your mind to the possibility of other things and start proactively doing things like diet, meditation, exercise, and other stress management things. These lifestyle factors have a huge impact on how we feel and function, Just waiting around on time to magically heal you after you have been on benzos a short period of time if you wait long enough may or may not happen.

All of those things...diet, exercise, meditation, etc., etc, are listed in my post pinned to the top of the insomnia board..."2000+ Days Off - My Insomnia/Benzo Advice"   http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=235100.0

Look at all the things in this graphic. Being Off Benzos and lifestyle might not even be enough if any one of these other things is seriously impacting your sleep. Ppl do not take lifestyle seriously enough, and many sadly do not know what a truly healthy diet is. I cringe when I see ppl eating those dangerous high fat ketogenic diets. Many of us also have serious mental health issues that we have to acknowledge and come to terms with. Benzo detox is only one part of the puzzle to getting well.

Hi Xray,

I am sorry that you are scared. Getting off Benzo's is SOOOO hard! At least for me. I started my liquid taper on May 1st, 2021 and ended it on October 28th, 2021, 6 months later. I have been off now for almost 8 months. Just a little longer than you. My sleep is back and forth but slowly getting better. I really think benzo's mess with your brain in a horrible way and it takes a very long time (for some) for your brain to straighten itself out from drug use. I am certain your brain will get better and your ability to fall and stay asleep will return.

 

I was absolutely convinced that I would never sleep normal again and now I know that I will. I sleep about 5 hours a night. I have the occasional 7 or 8 hour night or the occasional zero night but most nights are 4 to 6 hours. Even if the number of hours I sleep hasn't gone up much over the last few months, the quality of sleep has gone up. I know that the same will happen for you too, Xray. I was like you when it was at it's worst. I just laid around all day because I felt I COULDN'T do anything else. Now I get out every day and do something, plus I am working PT from home.

 

Lastly, commenting on what Shayna said about acclimating to less sleep; I feel MUCH better on 4 hours of sleep than I did a year ago. I remember freaking out about 'only' getting 5 hours when I first started my taper. Now I function on 5 hours all the time and do great. You can acclimate to less sleep and be happy and feel good although I am sure you will get more sleep over time. No matter what, you will be OK.

 

Hang in there, my friend. I will keep you in my prayers that this resolves ASAP for you. Take Care,

 

HM

I appreciate all the kind and encouraging comments. I’m trying to just accept that this is how it is for now. Hopefully it will start to get better soon.

Like the way has said, acceptance doesn’t mean ur happy about it. It just means that u open urself to it, because all the energy used freaking out about it is futile. It just puts u in a hole and guarantees even less sleep.

 

I went to gym yesterday for 2 hrs lifting heavy weights and cardio, then went straight to the pool and did 20 laps, then walked 4 kilometers then went straight into school run and after school activities. I went to bed feeling fairly alert and after 2 pages of my book fell asleep for 4.5 hrs. I feel great today and am heading to the gym.

 

I would love to sleep the way I used to. 8 hrs no wake ups. I miss it more than a fat kid misses doughnuts but it’s not like I didn’t try. That just goes to show it’s not psychological. I threw everything I had at it. I just have to wait and unfortunately my friend so do you.

 

We will get there X-ray. X stay strong

Shayna,

 

That's awesome that you got 4.5 hours.  So happy for you.  And seriously, you should be the Benzo Warrior poster child for how to accept and live your life as normal as possible on such little sleep.

 

How you are living your life now is exactly what I mean when I say give insomnia the middle finger and live your life the best you can, on your terms!

 

You are amazing and you ROCK!  I am hoping and praying for even more sleep for you soon! 

I went to gym yesterday for 2 hrs lifting heavy weights and cardio

 

How heavy do you lift and what kind of cardio do you do and how often?

Shayna,

 

I lift weights and do cardio 6 days per week.

 

I bike (stationary at the gym) for 35 minutes, walk 3 miles (before the gym) and then lift sort of heavy.  I used to lift really heavy like over 300lbs on my bench and 400lbs on my squat and 500lbs on my deadlift.

 

Now that I am pushing 60, I don't work out with more than 250lbs on my bench and I don't squat or deadlift any longer because of bad knees.  But I still work my legs with machines and then lift pretty heavy for shoulders, back, arms and chest.

 

Keep up the great work!

Awww thanks the way. That’s so nice of u, but I listened to you! U told me to give it the middle finger so I am!!

 

So when I go to gym I run or do elliptical for 30 mins. I put the elliptical on level 20 or run at like 9.5 km an hour. Sorry I don’t know what it is in miles!

 

Then I do an ab/ arm circuit for about 20 mins. I do like 50 full sit ups then 50 weighted flutter kicks and 50 biceps curls using 7kg weights then triceps kick backs ect

 

Then I go into the boys gym as I call it. I squat 45 kg x 30 reps, then same in lunges. Then I do machines coz yep I have dodgy knees and back too.

 

When I do laps I do 20 x 50 meters.

 

Honestly I don’t know how I do it but the feeling afterwards is worth it. X

 

The way omg! That is a lot! Look I’m a mother of 3, if I tried to lift that I would pee myself haha 😂

 

X-ray, I haven’t always been able to do this. There was a time I was so sick in tolerance my dad would take me for walks up the street. I don’t like to talk to much about that time, but I say it to show u what’s possible if u accept it and just do what u can xx

Thanks for all the responses. I just can’t help but be scared. This insomnia feels like it is causing my body to shut down. My guts don’t work properly, I have an elevated heart rate that never goes below 80bpm, my blood pressure is elevated. The doc doesn’t seem worried about it though. I just keep hoping and praying that this nightmare ends. It’s funny, I quit taking it because I didn’t want any kinda addiction to ruin my life and now because I quit it’s ruining my life.