Jump to content

Stillbelieving Healed


[St...]

Recommended Posts

Yes HEALING DOES HAPPEN!!!!  As I sit here right now I am the healthiest and

calmest I have been since Fall of 1995 when I started Xanax after I weaned my 2

yr old from breastfeeding. I was put on Xanax for the hormone imbalance PMS. 

I'm not going to go deep into how sick I became while on xanax for almost 16

years, nor will I go into the full Hell that I went through with my c/t and

recovery. One day I may elaborate more on those times, possibly but for now I am

here to say HEALING DOES HAPPEN. That's where I focus, that's the words you need

to have Faith with.

 

At times I didn't know if I would survive.

Being a c/t was a dangerous way to come off a benzo. I was poorly

advised by the medical community in one sense but in another I had become so ill

with adverse reactions to it no matter what dose I took – it was affecting my

heart where I was admitted to the hospital 3 xs on the cardiac ward within 4

months – last stay was 3 nights and four days. I was being sent to Cleveland

Clinic for the cardiologists here didn't know what was the cause. Within a week

after c/t those cardiac symptoms were gone, benzos was the cause. So basically

that is why I c/t out of desperation to rid myself of the poison so I could

heal.  Which I have!!!!!

 

Its hard to write this being there is so much to say. It's hard to relive – I as

everyone, loss so much time from this journey, I don't stay on BB anymore not

from not having healed and not wanting anyone to know. I use to think people

became silent for it was a secret they hadn't really healed and just accepted

that fact and withdrew quietly in the background.  Now I believe that majority

of people are like me, they lived the Hell and regain their health and start

living fully again and BB becomes a distant memory. It was my life line for so long but

I no longer need the line.  I wake in the mornings and

benzos aren't on my mind. I wake feeling ready for my day and looking forward to

a full normal life. There isn't enough hours in my days now.

 

The physical and emotional sxs are gone. I am just about 100% sx free every day,

all day and all night long. If I do get overly tired I might get a little

vibrating going in my feet, or notice a bit of ringing in my ears that night but

I just turn on my sleep youtube music and that drowns it out. When I wake in the

morning or even a couple hrs later the ringing is gone. It is just the fine tuning my

CNS is needing to strengthen still.

 

I do want to stress that eating a clean hypoglycemic diet helped me

tremendously!!!! I eat whole foods, nothing processed.  I eat eggs and fish,

with avocado and possibly a few blueberries for breakfast each day. I eat snacks

of almonds, nuts, hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese – protein, between my meals.

Lunch and dinner always good clean high protein, low carb meals. Before bed I

have started eating cottage cheese and blueberries which helps my blood sugar

during the night remain stable, which has helped with my sleeping.  I can not

stress enough to eat the high protein, low carb, healthy fats and drinking lots

of water!!!!!  We have to fuel our bodies with nutrition, it doesn't take the wd

sxs away but I did find it diminished them, and later also started seeing

vibrations sometimes came when my sugar levels were down. Many of hypoglycemic

sxs are the same as wd sxs.  I learned when I got anxious which is part of life,

and the adrenaline flowed if I ate some nuts or a piece of cheese then my sugar

didn't drop drastic from the adrenaline effect.  I carry nuts in my purse and

car at all times, I would rather eat a few nuts than feel anxious from low blood

sugar.  As I get further and further out, which I am now 44 months, my blood

sugar is stabilizing and I'm not having to eat as strict. Earlier on around 2

yrs out when I changed my way of eating, I couldn't eat much fruit. It was just

too high in sugar for me, now I always add a few nuts with the fruit to just

make sure I stay balanced. I don't plan to ever not eat as I am now, it is just

healthier.

 

With food you have to get rid of the MSG additives. MSG effects the glutamate

neurotransmitter and the pancreas along with other issues. So not only does it

stimulate our already excited CNS but it causes the pancreas to over produce –

thus making hypoglycemia worse.  I had trouble with msg prior benzos but now

within a half hour of consuming it I am effected and if I didn't know better I

would say I'm in a wave. It is not a wave from benzos recovery but rather

circumstances have affected my fragile system and set off some symptoms. So if I

keep it out of my body then – no sxs. Google all the ways MSG is hidden by other

names in our foods, google the effects MSG has on the body. It shouldn't be

consumed by anyone, especially children whose brains are developing. More and

more products are being made without it but you have to really search and read labels.

 

Another thing that has helped me was I started doing EFT when Flip introduced me

to it around 19 months. I watch youtubes and had enough success from it that I

went at 21 months to a 3 day workshop with an EFT Practitioner.  I used it

sometimes 6 -8 xs a day if need. It is proven to lower cortisol levels, proven

through blood testing.  There is a book The Tapping Solution you can buy, and

you can google the movie – The Tapping Solution and watch it for free on line.

This was a big big coping skill tool for me.  I still use it to this day and

will continue to the rest of my life to just deal with stress or a headache or

normal anxiety in life. I now use it not daily but as I need it. It doesn't work

miracles in the sense that it takes the sxs away but when I was in strong waves

it lowered the intensity, it helped me deal with them happening.

 

Walking – ½ hr to 40 minutes I do – averaging 4 -5 xs a week. My counselor

had told me walking releases endorphins, so  I started walking – I do both

treadmill and outside depending on weather. I had started with 5 minutes a day

and worked my way up to 75 minutes, as well as increased my speed. I noticed

my sleep wasn't as good, my recovery from walking took longer,

in other words I could do the 75 minutes but

I was very tired. I started feeling like I needed to cry even though everything

was good, something wasn't right. Well from walking over 40 minutes I was

increasing my cortisol levels and it was affecting me definitely. The body

produces cortisol after the 40 minutes of strenuous exercise, day in day out

that was too much for me at this time. So I cut the walking back and all settled.

 

Ok I will say I did go on Lyrica – my mother passed suddenly when I was 4 months

out of my c/t. It was too great for me to handle – Lyrica saved my life, I don't

believe I would have made it without it. It settled me so I could heal. Would I

have gone on it if my mother hadn't passed, I believe not but we will never

know. But I am also able to say, even going on Lyrica I still healed!!! It is

better in my opinion to go on a medication rather than take ones life and that

is where I was headed. I will be honest, it is frightening that I was ever that

desperate and had such thoughts but I did. Mom's death pushed me to where I

wasn't even physically able to hold my head still, nor pull my pants down to use

the restroom, or brush my teeth – at 4 months out my body was to the extreme of

breaking, it was violently jerking, walking was a struggle. Up until mom's

passing I was definitely in c/t wd but after her passing I became dangerously

ill. I'm very thankful I had the option to take Lyrica and be here today and say

I'm healed from benzos and living a full life. At this time I am on 50 mg a day

down from 225 mg a day. I have used water titration to taper down very slowly at

my choosing. I plan to hold here until ?  I have no side effects from Lyrica, in

fact since I went on it I haven't had a migraine which I have had since my

teens, so I'm wondering if Lyrica is my migraine freedom. I don't know only time

of going off will tell and right now – I'm just living people. Right now I am

not going through anymore tapering and anymore body balancing – I lost almost 20

years to life from benzos and other non necessary medications. I'll address my

future with Lyrica in a year and see where I am on starting water titration

again or not. Oh but let me say this, Lyrica did stop the jerking but I still

had the nerve  burning, vibrations, fears, wd sxs – I still had wd but the

jerking stopped. That's what I attribute to Lyrica, it stopped the violent

jerking but the rest I still had to go thru in order to heal.

 

Whew I sure never meant to write this long post.  I hope you heard me loud and

clear HEALING DOES HAPPEN!!!!  I hope you will decide to really eat a good

hypoglycemic clean diet. The EFT works for me, but I was also so fortunate to

have a practitioner help me really get the concept so I could fine tune what I

needed. Exercise is a definite proven benefit in moderation. Lyrica for me – I

can't say to anyone to take or not take, each has to weigh those choices with a

good qualified doctor, but remember it didn't take away all my wd sxs.

 

I will leave this post, and I'm going to say up front I'm not going to be coming

back and start posting to comments, maybe once in a while but not now. I am

moving on, I'm living, I am finding out who this new woman is that lost almost

19 years of her life. My children are finally getting to know their real mom,

they grew up with a mom sick and recluse and in bed in pain – physical and

mental. That's all gone and we are embracing this new relationship. My loyal and

awesome husband deserves for this chapter to end and BB and benzos not stay in

our conversation. He deserves the woman that he married and he knew was still in

there somewhere to be present and his partner again. I'm honestly out socially,

rekindled friendships I hadn't seen in 15 yrs, making new friends, joining

groups, gardening, crafts, bible studies, camping, cooking, laughing, and

falling in love with life!!!!

 

Hold on, keep your Faith and you will heal also, but you do have to do things to

help the journey. Eat properly, avoid chemicals in food and environment,

exercise, meditate of some sort, relaxation, and for me Pray.

 

Thank you to BB and all that helped me thru, with special thanks to Flip who met

me on the TRAP and was with me from 4 months on, Colleen who was there from my

early BB days, Sunnygirl02 who hasn't healed but I know she will one day and Pattylu

who traveled with me from 2 yrs on - she's the lighthouse of my Storm Sisters, my special

women. I love all these women so much, I received much knowledge and wisdom and

support from each one.

 

Stillbelieving  :angel: Healing Does Happen – aka Joy is my new name – I honestly feel

JOY most days  :thumbsup:

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow! What a journey! its great to hear that you are healing so well, and have found the things that speed up the healing.

Try not to mourn the lost time. Having been through it and out of it, I know that we learn something from all the suffering and become more genuine human beings.

Congratulations and very best wishes for a great future!

 

magga xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a beautiful read!  Thank you for posting and best of luck to you. I never want to see you back here. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for taking the time to write out this awesome and inspiring post.  I agree with Drew--you have earned the right to get out of here and not look back.  I'm sure people will be referring to your success post for years to come! :thumbsup::smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wonderful news Stillbelieving..

 

May life bring you continued joy and healthy always.. You deserve it

 

~Jenny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A perfectly written "Success Story", sharing an awful journey for so many years, though, the most important, HEALED!  It does happen for one and all, there is light at the end of that tunnel; a new life with much joy.

 

"S" has extended what will help you through this journey.  I pray each and one of you truly listen to her words, as this is what does work.

 

I've walked hip to hip and by her side since Nov 2013.  I'm one of her "Storm Sisters" as she titled us, a great group of ladies who have become dear, dear friends.  I love her dearly, she is a very special woman.

 

You took the reins "S", stuck with the program and just kept moving forward.  Congratulations my dear sister!  My love is always with and for you.

 

Love you, Pattylu :smitten: :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even though I know that you have healed, it is wonderful to see that you posted it in "Success Stories" as support to all those BB 's going through the hell that we all know too well. You are a very special lady and I am overjoyed that you are well and are living a happy life. I am proud to be one of your "Storm Sisters" and hope to be able to follow with a success story in the near future. Love you stillbelieving and hope that your words of wisdom will be followed as they are truly important ones.  :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

aka Joy....thank you for sharing, great success story , 44 months is no joke...

but it takes as long as it has to take. I realize this ...being a cold turkey

sufferer myself. thank you for giving me hope.....wish you well. :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like jazzy, I also knew that you were healed, and I'm so glad you decided to post this on BB so everyone on here understand that healing happens, albeit slowly, to long term users and CTs.

 

I also appreciate the part about the hypoglycemic whole food diet, free of preservatives and MSG, because that has been so KEY to my recovery and lessening my symptoms. Food and diet have been so crucial.

 

The rest of your life will be so much sweeter and joyful because of this journey. You've earned it  :smitten: :smitten:

 

Love, GT

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've waited a very long time for this story, Stillbelieving.

 

You did what it took. You showed great courage and willingness to go to what most would consider impossible lengths to heal. You are an example to everyone of doing what you have to do to get your life back.

 

I'm proud of you. Come back only to say how great it is. I know you will enjoy your freedom to the maximum and you will never take it for granted. It has been an honor and a privilege to share this journey with you; you are a brave soul.

:smitten:

Love,

Flip

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a fantastic cold turkey success story. I am so glad you have your life back. Wow, what a journey to get there. You should be really proud of yourself. You did it. You made it. You are a survivor. :):smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stillbelieving,

 

Thank you for writing your success story. I am so happy that you are enjoying life, again.

Wishing you much happiness !

 

Sunny girl :hug:

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stillbelieving, you were kind enough to respond to my PM last June, when I was so afraid of taking neurontin, and you calmed me down. I am so happy for you, enjoy your life!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Stillbelieving!

I was on TRAP when I started my taper back in 2011.

Just the name "Stillbelieving" brought me comfort, & your posts were always helpful.

I am so very happy to hear of your recovery!

Its means so much for all who have struggled a long time to hear from those who have

been there- & made it through.

Many many thanks again for all you gave & shared.

Enjoy every moment of your freedom!

Many blessings

margaretisabel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Stillbelieving, thank you so much for giving me and all the buddies here the hope that we need to continue this journey. Thank you for sharing the things that helped.

 

Your life now sounds happy and fulfilled and I wish you every happiness  :smitten:

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What a great success story, JOY. :D Amazing to hear about your journey, thank you so much for sharing. I hope things continue this way for you.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so so so happy I came on and read this! So happy for you! Enjoy life! I will cherish this part the most:

 

"I will leave this post, and I'm going to say up front I'm not going to be coming

back and start posting to comments, maybe once in a while but not now. I am

moving on, I'm living, I am finding out who this new woman is that lost almost

19 years of her life. My children are finally getting to know their real mom,

they grew up with a mom sick and recluse and in bed in pain – physical and

mental. That's all gone and we are embracing this new relationship. My loyal and

awesome husband deserves for this chapter to end and BB and benzos not stay in

our conversation. He deserves the woman that he married and he knew was still in

there somewhere to be present and his partner again. I'm honestly out socially,

rekindled friendships I hadn't seen in 15 yrs, making new friends, joining

groups, gardening, crafts, bible studies, camping, cooking, laughing, and

falling in love with life!!!!

 

Hold on, keep your Faith and you will heal also, but you do have to do things to

help the journey. Eat properly, avoid chemicals in food and environment,

exercise, meditate of some sort, relaxation, and for me Pray."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So happy for you!  I think it is good for many to see that it can take several (40 for you) months for some (not all ) to heal especially with a c/t, but healing still does happen.  It is a very long journey.  You have a beautiful spirit and I am so glad to know you.  Enjoy your life and your beautiful family.  Many blessings and much happiness! :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Sally...so happy for you  :thumbsup:...always had faith in you...I'm happy to have been a part of your healing process...I love you and I know that your success story is going to inspire...Colleen :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sally :hug:

 

Thank you for coming back and writing your story, it is going to help a lot of people

 

I am so happy you are doing well, I know how hard it was for you, well done girl!!

 

Have a wonderful life

 

Mags  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

The internal quiet, complete peace and calm I have day after day now. I'm in a new state of normal and it still seems unbelievable to me.  After almost 16 yrs on the poison of benzodiazepines and numerous other medicines for my body to find this healthy, blissful state at 4 yrs out of my c/t the normal feels un normal, but is my wonderful reality now.

 

I'm 4 years today  :thumbsup: , I'm 100% healed!!!! I'm in awe still where I am emotionally and physically that at times it is so overwhelming that I do cry tears of joy.  I laugh, I sing, I praise glory to my Lord for providing me strength to have endured those long years, days, hours, minutes.

 

Even since I posted 4 months ago I have seen even further healing. So when I said then "I'm healed 100%", it has been surprising to see even what was already wonderful to still improve.  I so look forward to where I'll be at my 5 yr anniversary.

 

For those of you still going thru w/d or recovering and still having sxs, I want you to hear HEALING FULLY TRULY HAPPENS!!!  Time, clean hypoglycemic diet, meditation - EFT tapping and prayer for me helped along with distraction of any sort - I knitted, gardened, read, walked. 

 

The difference between my 3rd and 4th year has been amazing!!! The nerves quit misfiring and communicate as they should.  I still watch my diet to eat clean - I only eat whole foods and definitely am 100% MSG free. I learned to recognize where blood sugar can give the effects of wd sxs but it is totally blood sugar which is easily remedy.  As I get further out my blood sugar has stabilized and I'm able to eat fruit without protein to balance. If my sugar drops I totally know its that and don't even fret or worry its benzo related. Benzo recovery is over - I'm healed - I'll never return to that benzo wave state. I'm healthy - if I were to have sxs of some sort in my body it's not from benzos. Benzodiazepines don't cause permanent damage.

 

I have started with an exercise class and am putting that in my daily schedule.  Four months ago I didn't even have that activity other than walking on my radar until yr 5. I'm ready now and excited I'm able to.  I tested the water and tried several classes to find my level.  I'm starting with a low impact class and will climb from here.

 

As I was putting away dishes this morning I remembered how strenuous that use to be. I would have to rest between unloading the top rack and the bottom one. Just doing that chore was an accomplishment for my day at one point. Showering and washing my hair had to be done with resting afterward, not now. Now my life is full of activities - meetings, study groups, social affairs, exercise, regular normal full life.  A life I haven't seen in 20 yrs but now am living it again!!!

 

Healing fully does happen!!!!! I am excited what is up ahead, I'm sure going after it. Nothing can hold me back. I see my awesome strength after surviving being on benzos, ct and the recovery. I'm embracing a full new healthy life.

 

Don't give up on your faith for full healing, it will happen for you too. Today is one day closer for it to become your reality too.  You are one of the lucky ones for you are on the right path and are headed to being well. This harshness ends, the joy begins and continues.

 

Healing to all,

Stillbelieving we all do heal.  :angel: 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I can attest to all that "Stillbelieving" has written.  I've walked this journey with her these last few years.  Truly, the healing does totally take place for one and all.  "S" is living life to the fullest and has joy with true peace and happiness within herself.

 

Love you "S"

 

Pattylu :smitten: :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stillbelieving ... your post is a fresh morning breeze on the face of a tired one who is still healing ...

 

Bless you ... and thank you ...  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Stillbelieving, God works in mysterious ways. These last few days I've been feeling I will never get better and there is your update to keep me going. I use EFT too and I think I need to use it more. Thank you  :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...